It has been a while again since I have written on the topics that were before me, but I have been working on a prayer ministry for the election. Now that that is over, we need to certainly continue to pray for those elected, but I will be going back to my other concerns related to teaching our children.
I have been doing a series on “Train up a child in the way he should go…” and was discussing some of the qualities we want to be sure to train into our children before they leave our homes. With Thanksgiving upon us, I want to take some time to discuss how to teach children to be thankful.
Now, teaching them to say “Please” and “Thank you” is a noble effort and a good start, but what I am really speaking of is training their hearts to be genuinely thankful. The Bible teaches us that being thankful should accompany our requests when we pray (Philippians 4:6). So how do we train the hearts of our children so that this attitude of thankfulness comes from within?
First of all, assume they will get no teaching on this topic from the culture! Then if they do get a little encouragement along this line, that will be a bonus. Just don’t assume your job is easier because it is taught somewhere else. Our culture, and hence most children, is a very ungrateful place in which to grow up! We have a very self-centered society and that makes our job more difficult and not less difficult. The culture is teaching children that they are owed certain things and if they don’t get them, they should exercise their “rights” in order to rectify the situation.
Secondly, let them see you displaying a thankful heart! Let them hear you thanking the Lord and praising God for the gifts we receive from Him each and every day. Let them hear us praise God for the provisions we enjoy even if it isn’t as we would have planned. Thank Him for the food that was given and eat it even if it isn’t your favorite. Be thankful for the hand-me-downs or sale items even if you might have chosen something else if you had the choice. Thank Him for the illness or the snowy weather that interfered with your outing. Children need to see this characteristic modeled and the most effective people to do that for them are their parents.
One more real practical way to teach your children to be thankful is to not allow them to complain about the things God has provided. Of main concern on this topic is in the area of food. Children should come to the table with a thankful heart for whatever their mother has prepared for them. If they complain and it is not tolerated, this will go a long way in getting that teaching into their hearts and you will have won a major victory in what is a lifetime battle. If you desire to see a very practical approach to this issue, check out the October 1, 2007, entry in my blog where there is a detailed description of how to approach this problem in children.
Teach your children to share with others who are less blessed. Let them be a blessing and learn the joy of giving to someone who has less than they do. Sometimes, (due to government programs and maybe where we live) it is hard to find a family who has less than we do in material items, but there are various organizations and ministries who can help along that line. For instance, there is Samaritans Purse and others who will take your money and buy Bibles or other items to distribute in countries where owning a Bible is a very special privilege. Let your children actually work to earn some money so they can feel the joy of actually giving something for which they have worked! As we come through this wonderful time of Thanksgiving and Christmas, I will be sharing some of the traditions we have started for our grandchildren with the hope of supporting their parents in their efforts to train the hearts of their children in this area.
One of the best ways to evaluate where your children are in this process of learning to be thankful is to watch and see how generous they want to be with their own things. As parents, it is imperative for you to allow them to be generous even if it seems somewhat careless to you. You need to help them give with a joyful heart and help them work through the level of giving that is appropriate for them. But above all, don’t discourage them or belittle their desire. This is a true sign that they are not thinking totally about themselves and have attained a certain level of contentment with their own level of “things”.
There are a lot of other nuances that surface in a discussion of this nature, but suffice it to say that no one is ever perfect at this. It is a growing process and goes on for a lifetime. Let your children know that you are still growing in this area and it is something you can work at together. Let them see that you have this quality of being thankful as one of your goals for your life, and then let them see you working on it even after they leave your home.
Next week, I will take a break from the normal entries and I will pass on some of our favorite Thanksgiving and Christmas recipes.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
More on Train Up a Child
Wow! What a summer! We have had a very busy and wonderful summer! As I came through the summer, it became increasingly difficult to carve out time to write on my blog and know that it would be coherent! It was a wonderful summer, but now we are settling back into the school routine, so I will try to be more regular. Just a word about our activities of the summer: We had a camping trip to South Carolina for almost two weeks in June. In July we took a train trip to Denver for a week. And in August we had our family (13 of us in all now) camping trip to Southern Indiana for part of a week. In between we entertained guests from Minnesota, Ohio and Indiana. So I was planning for activities most of the time except when we were actually doing the activities! It was great and we praise the Lord for the opportunity to spend such a wonderful and satisfying summer!
I am going to go on with my discussion of characteristics we want to train into our children as a result of the admonition in Proverbs 22:6. We often hear or quote that verse, but I wonder how often we sit down to think about what we should actually be training into our children. I have discussed the concept of being sure of their Salvation and making sure they understand their need to “fear the Lord”. We also discussed how to teach your children how to have some Biblical discernment. Today, I would like to encourage you to make sure your children understand the importance of having a regular and meaningful prayer life.
So why should we teach our kids the importance of prayer? Well, there are many verses in the New Testament that tell us of the benefits of praying and Jesus Himself taught us the pattern for prayer in Matthew 6:9-13. So the first and main reason for teaching our children to pray is because it is a Biblical command. Some other reasons include the fact that we are to be thankful and this is done in prayer. We are also to confess our sins which is also accomplished by prayer. Confession is actually included in “The Lord’s Prayer”. We are also to pray for those “who despitefully use you”. We are to pray for the sick. We are to pray for our government leaders. And there are many other specific reasons for praying.
As I look back over my life, it was my grandfather and my parents who were probably the most influential in my life in the area of prayer. Children are not born with an innate understanding of the need for prayer. It is something that needs to be taught, both in words and by actions. I have heard it said that one of the main reasons children walk away from the faith of their parents is the fact that parents teach concepts to their children and then the children don’t see the teaching in action in the lives of their parents.
So how can we as mothers play a role in teaching this concept of prayer to our children? Under most circumstances, we are with the children a higher percentage of the time than anyone else, so we have a large responsibility to teach these concepts to the kids. The obvious thing for us to do is to pray with the children each and every day. Make prayer a part of their daily activities. Teach them everything you know about prayer and then search the Scriptures to find all you can about the reasons for praying. Then pass this on to them. Pray for things as a family and make a big deal when God answers! I truly believe from my experience of raising children that one of the things God does to build the faith of a child is to answer prayers for them regularly! Let the children know that you (and their dad if he prays with you) pray for them regularly and that there is no circumstance that is too small or too big for you to take it to God in prayer! Take them to Prayer Meeting and let them hear other adults pray. Can you remember the older Godly men and women in your life that prayed in Prayer Meeting and sounded like they were speaking face to face with the living God?
Finally, it is important to pray at every meal, before going to bed and any other regular time during the day that is convenient for you and your family, but it is also important to make prayer a living part of every day and include God in every decision and every challenge and every need of every day! This will speak volumes to your children of how important prayer is in your life and this will go a long way in making prayer a very important part of their lives!
I am going to go on with my discussion of characteristics we want to train into our children as a result of the admonition in Proverbs 22:6. We often hear or quote that verse, but I wonder how often we sit down to think about what we should actually be training into our children. I have discussed the concept of being sure of their Salvation and making sure they understand their need to “fear the Lord”. We also discussed how to teach your children how to have some Biblical discernment. Today, I would like to encourage you to make sure your children understand the importance of having a regular and meaningful prayer life.
So why should we teach our kids the importance of prayer? Well, there are many verses in the New Testament that tell us of the benefits of praying and Jesus Himself taught us the pattern for prayer in Matthew 6:9-13. So the first and main reason for teaching our children to pray is because it is a Biblical command. Some other reasons include the fact that we are to be thankful and this is done in prayer. We are also to confess our sins which is also accomplished by prayer. Confession is actually included in “The Lord’s Prayer”. We are also to pray for those “who despitefully use you”. We are to pray for the sick. We are to pray for our government leaders. And there are many other specific reasons for praying.
As I look back over my life, it was my grandfather and my parents who were probably the most influential in my life in the area of prayer. Children are not born with an innate understanding of the need for prayer. It is something that needs to be taught, both in words and by actions. I have heard it said that one of the main reasons children walk away from the faith of their parents is the fact that parents teach concepts to their children and then the children don’t see the teaching in action in the lives of their parents.
So how can we as mothers play a role in teaching this concept of prayer to our children? Under most circumstances, we are with the children a higher percentage of the time than anyone else, so we have a large responsibility to teach these concepts to the kids. The obvious thing for us to do is to pray with the children each and every day. Make prayer a part of their daily activities. Teach them everything you know about prayer and then search the Scriptures to find all you can about the reasons for praying. Then pass this on to them. Pray for things as a family and make a big deal when God answers! I truly believe from my experience of raising children that one of the things God does to build the faith of a child is to answer prayers for them regularly! Let the children know that you (and their dad if he prays with you) pray for them regularly and that there is no circumstance that is too small or too big for you to take it to God in prayer! Take them to Prayer Meeting and let them hear other adults pray. Can you remember the older Godly men and women in your life that prayed in Prayer Meeting and sounded like they were speaking face to face with the living God?
Finally, it is important to pray at every meal, before going to bed and any other regular time during the day that is convenient for you and your family, but it is also important to make prayer a living part of every day and include God in every decision and every challenge and every need of every day! This will speak volumes to your children of how important prayer is in your life and this will go a long way in making prayer a very important part of their lives!
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Discernment - Proverbs 22:6
We are working through some lessons inspired by the verse in Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” We have covered a couple of basic topics of Salvation and the fear of God. Another concept we need to train into our children is discernment, how to distinguish between right and wrong from a Biblical perspective.
The first principle that needs to be understood is that outside of Biblical guidelines, there is no “right” or “wrong”. For the Bible is the foundation of all that relates to God Who is the source of our knowledge of “right” and “wrong”. Apart from a knowledge of God, we are all left to decide what is right or wrong for ourselves. Your children must have this foundational understanding before they will be able to learn to discern.
I want to explain how to approach this teaching in a way that I hope you will understand. It is a way that is very clear to me, so I will try to describe it to you. I think that we need as parents, to build what I call a “grid” in the hearts and minds of our children. You see, there are many areas requiring discernment that come up in a day and it is hard to have a “discernment rule” for each circumstance. If we build a grid into the hearts and minds of our children, then when something comes up, if it doesn’t fit their “grid”, they will know how they should respond to it. A “grid” is basically a network of concepts and principles we all have to one extent or another, that we use to make daily decisions in life.
We have all heard the saying that “square pegs don’t fit into round holes”. Well, that is kind of like a “grid”. As our children are growing up, we need to teach them Godly Biblical principles. As we do this they can apply these principles to most or maybe all of the situations that will come up in life. And one principle that will cover those issues that may not be covered by the grid is this – If in doubt, don’t! (Romans 14:23) In other words if something isn’t clear based on the grid that is in my heart and mind, then it is probably best not to do the thing in question. An example of how a “grid” works is this: If we teach our children the principle in Psalm 101:3 (I will set no wicked thing before my eyes…), then when the TV is on and something comes on that is not uplifting, they will know that this is the kind of thing we should not watch. It is, of course, necessary that you teach them to be sensitive about what things are wicked in order for this to work, but I think that is very do-able as well. Teach them Biblical guidelines of how people should dress. Teach them Biblical behavior within the family and within the community. This requires that you spend a lot of time with them so that you can use every teachable moment. Watch TV with your children so they can see how you apply the principle taught in Psalm 101:3. This concept of discernment will not happen in five minute segments that fit between your work schedule and all the other things that you want to do for your own pleasure. It is a daily talking with them as you walk with them each and every day as stated in Deuteronomy 6.
Another Biblical principle is the one taught in Hebrews 10:25 where we are admonished not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together. If your children have been taught this principle in Word as well by example, then when something comes up that interferes with one of the scheduled services of the church, your children will know how to make the decision of which event takes priority. I hope these two examples (and there are many more) give you an idea of how to help your child construct a “grid”. You as the parent need to give them the tools from God’s Word and set the example in order to accomplish this, but it is worth the time and effort to reap the benefit of a child who knows how to discern for a lifetime!
The first principle that needs to be understood is that outside of Biblical guidelines, there is no “right” or “wrong”. For the Bible is the foundation of all that relates to God Who is the source of our knowledge of “right” and “wrong”. Apart from a knowledge of God, we are all left to decide what is right or wrong for ourselves. Your children must have this foundational understanding before they will be able to learn to discern.
I want to explain how to approach this teaching in a way that I hope you will understand. It is a way that is very clear to me, so I will try to describe it to you. I think that we need as parents, to build what I call a “grid” in the hearts and minds of our children. You see, there are many areas requiring discernment that come up in a day and it is hard to have a “discernment rule” for each circumstance. If we build a grid into the hearts and minds of our children, then when something comes up, if it doesn’t fit their “grid”, they will know how they should respond to it. A “grid” is basically a network of concepts and principles we all have to one extent or another, that we use to make daily decisions in life.
We have all heard the saying that “square pegs don’t fit into round holes”. Well, that is kind of like a “grid”. As our children are growing up, we need to teach them Godly Biblical principles. As we do this they can apply these principles to most or maybe all of the situations that will come up in life. And one principle that will cover those issues that may not be covered by the grid is this – If in doubt, don’t! (Romans 14:23) In other words if something isn’t clear based on the grid that is in my heart and mind, then it is probably best not to do the thing in question. An example of how a “grid” works is this: If we teach our children the principle in Psalm 101:3 (I will set no wicked thing before my eyes…), then when the TV is on and something comes on that is not uplifting, they will know that this is the kind of thing we should not watch. It is, of course, necessary that you teach them to be sensitive about what things are wicked in order for this to work, but I think that is very do-able as well. Teach them Biblical guidelines of how people should dress. Teach them Biblical behavior within the family and within the community. This requires that you spend a lot of time with them so that you can use every teachable moment. Watch TV with your children so they can see how you apply the principle taught in Psalm 101:3. This concept of discernment will not happen in five minute segments that fit between your work schedule and all the other things that you want to do for your own pleasure. It is a daily talking with them as you walk with them each and every day as stated in Deuteronomy 6.
Another Biblical principle is the one taught in Hebrews 10:25 where we are admonished not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together. If your children have been taught this principle in Word as well by example, then when something comes up that interferes with one of the scheduled services of the church, your children will know how to make the decision of which event takes priority. I hope these two examples (and there are many more) give you an idea of how to help your child construct a “grid”. You as the parent need to give them the tools from God’s Word and set the example in order to accomplish this, but it is worth the time and effort to reap the benefit of a child who knows how to discern for a lifetime!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
More on Proverbs 22:6
Proverbs 22: 6 “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
I started a series of lessons on this verse last week and will add a short idea this week. I am getting things ready for a trip and so my time is limited. I just want to repeat a thought that I wrote about several weeks ago relating to “the fear of the Lord”. I believe it fits in this series concerning in what areas our children need training so “that when he is old he will not depart from it”. I have come across a couple of verses that I think are pertinent to this topic, so I would like to add those to what I wrote in the previous lesson.
The first lesson in this series was concerning making sure that your children understand their need of Salvation and making sure that they are born again at a young age. Actually, “the fear of the Lord” may be a great thing for them to understand even before they are born again as this may get them to thinking about where they are and whether they are happy with their standing before God. If they aren’t familiar with “the fear of the Lord” before they are saved, then it would be a good thing to cover as soon as possible.
The first verse is in Proverbs 15:33 (NLT). “Fear of the Lord teaches wisdom…” And the second one is Proverbs 16:6. “…By fearing the Lord, people avoid evil.” As I read these two verses, I became even more motivated to teach the fear of the Lord to everyone, but especially to our children There is great reward for fearing the Lord and if we desire for our children to be wise and to avoid evil, then we need to take steps to be sure that they learn this concept. It is very evident that they will not learn this from the culture, so again, Moms, it is up to you and your husband to teach these concepts.
Live it before them as an example. Teach them the Scripture. Make sure that they understand that besides “God is love”, there is “God is just” and let them know that sin brings consequences! God will not play the “blame game” that so many are getting away with in our culture. They will be standing before God one day and they need to know that now so they can be ready!
I will be away from the computer for a couple of weeks. Trust you are having a great summer. I will be back soon!
I started a series of lessons on this verse last week and will add a short idea this week. I am getting things ready for a trip and so my time is limited. I just want to repeat a thought that I wrote about several weeks ago relating to “the fear of the Lord”. I believe it fits in this series concerning in what areas our children need training so “that when he is old he will not depart from it”. I have come across a couple of verses that I think are pertinent to this topic, so I would like to add those to what I wrote in the previous lesson.
The first lesson in this series was concerning making sure that your children understand their need of Salvation and making sure that they are born again at a young age. Actually, “the fear of the Lord” may be a great thing for them to understand even before they are born again as this may get them to thinking about where they are and whether they are happy with their standing before God. If they aren’t familiar with “the fear of the Lord” before they are saved, then it would be a good thing to cover as soon as possible.
The first verse is in Proverbs 15:33 (NLT). “Fear of the Lord teaches wisdom…” And the second one is Proverbs 16:6. “…By fearing the Lord, people avoid evil.” As I read these two verses, I became even more motivated to teach the fear of the Lord to everyone, but especially to our children There is great reward for fearing the Lord and if we desire for our children to be wise and to avoid evil, then we need to take steps to be sure that they learn this concept. It is very evident that they will not learn this from the culture, so again, Moms, it is up to you and your husband to teach these concepts.
Live it before them as an example. Teach them the Scripture. Make sure that they understand that besides “God is love”, there is “God is just” and let them know that sin brings consequences! God will not play the “blame game” that so many are getting away with in our culture. They will be standing before God one day and they need to know that now so they can be ready!
I will be away from the computer for a couple of weeks. Trust you are having a great summer. I will be back soon!
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Summary of Deuteronomy 6
I hope you all had a happy Mother’s Day with your mother or with your children! All of my children and grandchildren were home and it was a terrific day! There were 13 of us in church on Mother’s Day morning and we needed TWO rows! That was the fulfillment of one of my prayers and hopes!
I thought I was finished with Deuteronomy 6, but I have one more thought that I would like to insert before I go on to another topic. I was talking with one of my daughters over the past couple of weeks and it gave me a thought concerning something that has been on my mind for a time now. There is a verse in James 4:14 which says, “Whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.” Now that verse could come across as a bit fatalistic or depressing if we don’t catch the thoughts behind the message. I have been thinking about it for a time and this is what I have come up with from the perspective of family issues. Some of you may have thought this through long ago, but as a math person, it takes me time to think through things that are a bit more abstract in nature!
In the discussion of Deuteronomy 6, I discussed the importance of putting reminders around your home that would remind your children of their heritage, both their family heritage and their ‘spiritual’ heritage. After thinking about James 4:14 and the concept of the “vapor”, I have come to the conclusion that in reality all we have is this present moment! Everything else we have in our minds to think about is either a memory or an anticipation of some future event. We can hold something in our hand that is with us for this one moment, but the future or past for that item is only in our minds as a memory or an anticipation! So how does this relate to Deut. 6? I think it means that it is more important than ever that we make sure that our children grow up with LOTS of memories and it is even more important that we make those memories meaningful! If a huge percentage of their mind is full of memories, wouldn’t we want those memories to be good and wholesome and something they can grow with? Hence we see the idea that we as parents are responsible to see to it that there are things around our homes and also events that will bring good memories to their minds! God forbid that when they think about growing up they would remember the television, or the computer or the video games more than they remember Mom or Dad reading them some stories or playing games with them or having family devotions at a scheduled time. God forbid that they would remember everyone scurrying around getting ready to go off in all different directions every morning more than they would remember family outings or “family devotions” or “family game night”!
So what do we do to make sure that the memories that our children remember are the right memories? Some of that was discussed in a previous entry, but you should start right now and determine each and every day that you will do one thing that you would like your children to remember and that would give them some warm memories of their growing up years. Do one thing that would help them remember the spiritual emphasis you displayed in your home. It takes a lifetime to live a life, so don’t assume anything is too late! Start where you are and take little steps and you will be surprised how things will grow and become what you would like them to be.
Trust this makes sense to you. It has been mulling around in my mind and I trust God has enabled me to give you the gist of what I am trying to share! We are all on this journey called life and just as I like it when someone gives me clues as to where the best campgrounds are and best places to eat when we go on vacation, I trust we are that desirous to know some of the road signs on this journey called “parenting”!
I thought I was finished with Deuteronomy 6, but I have one more thought that I would like to insert before I go on to another topic. I was talking with one of my daughters over the past couple of weeks and it gave me a thought concerning something that has been on my mind for a time now. There is a verse in James 4:14 which says, “Whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.” Now that verse could come across as a bit fatalistic or depressing if we don’t catch the thoughts behind the message. I have been thinking about it for a time and this is what I have come up with from the perspective of family issues. Some of you may have thought this through long ago, but as a math person, it takes me time to think through things that are a bit more abstract in nature!
In the discussion of Deuteronomy 6, I discussed the importance of putting reminders around your home that would remind your children of their heritage, both their family heritage and their ‘spiritual’ heritage. After thinking about James 4:14 and the concept of the “vapor”, I have come to the conclusion that in reality all we have is this present moment! Everything else we have in our minds to think about is either a memory or an anticipation of some future event. We can hold something in our hand that is with us for this one moment, but the future or past for that item is only in our minds as a memory or an anticipation! So how does this relate to Deut. 6? I think it means that it is more important than ever that we make sure that our children grow up with LOTS of memories and it is even more important that we make those memories meaningful! If a huge percentage of their mind is full of memories, wouldn’t we want those memories to be good and wholesome and something they can grow with? Hence we see the idea that we as parents are responsible to see to it that there are things around our homes and also events that will bring good memories to their minds! God forbid that when they think about growing up they would remember the television, or the computer or the video games more than they remember Mom or Dad reading them some stories or playing games with them or having family devotions at a scheduled time. God forbid that they would remember everyone scurrying around getting ready to go off in all different directions every morning more than they would remember family outings or “family devotions” or “family game night”!
So what do we do to make sure that the memories that our children remember are the right memories? Some of that was discussed in a previous entry, but you should start right now and determine each and every day that you will do one thing that you would like your children to remember and that would give them some warm memories of their growing up years. Do one thing that would help them remember the spiritual emphasis you displayed in your home. It takes a lifetime to live a life, so don’t assume anything is too late! Start where you are and take little steps and you will be surprised how things will grow and become what you would like them to be.
Trust this makes sense to you. It has been mulling around in my mind and I trust God has enabled me to give you the gist of what I am trying to share! We are all on this journey called life and just as I like it when someone gives me clues as to where the best campgrounds are and best places to eat when we go on vacation, I trust we are that desirous to know some of the road signs on this journey called “parenting”!
Friday, May 9, 2008
A Challenge to Mothers
We are coming to another Mother’s Day and I am going to take a break and post a special tribute/challenge to mothers. There will also be a couple of special recipes from among my own mother’s favorites, so keep reading!
As I am sure most of you know, mothers have a very important and unique job. You have either had a mother or you are a mother or both! I would like to highlight some of the most important responsibilities that I think fall into the job description of a mother.
First of all, is the job of ‘being there’ for your children. There are many other people who can change your baby’s diaper, provide food for your children, play games with your children, teach them to brush their teeth, etc., but there is no one who will just plain love your children like you do! The others can accomplish the tasks, but it is just that, a task! No one else includes the loving touches, the pats on the head, the warm kisses etc. that you as their mother will provide!
The next responsibility of a mother is to support your husband (if possible) in teaching your children about spiritual things. Children need to know at an early age that they are accountable to God for their behavior and for their goals and purpose in life. That should be a high priority of the mother, for you see, as a child ages, he is more and more influenced by our culture and he is more and more distracted by the things that the culture offers and he will be harder and harder to reach as he grows through his childhood and life. And since in most homes, it is the mother who spends the most time with her children, then a great deal of this responsibility falls to her.
Another important responsibility of the mother is to teach your children how to be tender and gentle. You are probably going to be the first person from whom your child will receive unconditional love and you are the one who will be there when he hurts, either physically or emotionally. You are the one who will wipe his tears, so do it gently and carefully. Children have to grow up in a tough world, but from their mother they need to learn how to be tender and the “tough” will come when it is time.
There are many other things that children should learn from their mothers, but the last one I would like to touch on is that children should learn to serve others from you. You see, God has given to women the responsibility of ministering to the “poor and needy” (Proverbs 31 20). And ideally, all of us should participate in this task. As we all know, children are not born with the desire to minister to other people. It is something that needs to be learned, so who is the best person to teach them that art? Well, I believe it is their mother as she is the one who gives the most time to rearing the children and making sure they are equipped to do their part in the family, the church and the society.
And how do we successfully accomplish all of these tasks? Prayer should be a top priority for moms! No matter how busy you are, never let your schedule squeeze out your time to pray for your children! And let them know you are praying for them. Let them hear you pray and let them know that it is one of your highest priorities!
So what is in this for the mother? Well, I believe that next to hearing the words, “Well done”, from my Savior, would be the honor of hearing my children “rise up and call me blessed”! (Proverbs 31:28) That will be reward enough for me!
My own mother has been in Heaven for almost sixteen years, and I miss her every day! She was one of the very best friends I have ever had and I have many good memories of our times together! Those of you who still have your moms, cherish the time you have to spend with them. Never take them for granted! Let them know you appreciate them! In honor and tribute to my mother (Who never even touched a computer as far as I know and who would be totally overwhelmed if she even knew I have the capability of sharing her recipes with people all over the world), I would like to share with you a couple of her favorite recipes!
Mountain Pie
1 stick butter (melt in a 9 by 13 glass casserole pan)
Mix the following and pour over melted butter - pour all the way to the edges
1 cup flour
½ cup white sugar
½ cup brown sugar
1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon salt
¾ cup milk
Pour one quart of your favorite canned fruit, or equivalent sugared fresh fruit, over the batter
Bake at 350 for 45 minutes. (We like to use part peaches and part blueberries)
Pecan Slices (bars)
1 stick butter (melt in a 9 by 13 cake pan)
Mix the following and pour over melted butter – all the way to the edges
4 eggs
1 pound brown sugar
1 ½ cup flour
1 – 1 ½ cup pecans or walnuts
Bake at 325 for 30 minutes.
GLAZE: Mix the following and drizzle over warm bars
½ cup powdered sugar
½ teaspoon butter
2 teaspoons lemon juice
As I am sure most of you know, mothers have a very important and unique job. You have either had a mother or you are a mother or both! I would like to highlight some of the most important responsibilities that I think fall into the job description of a mother.
First of all, is the job of ‘being there’ for your children. There are many other people who can change your baby’s diaper, provide food for your children, play games with your children, teach them to brush their teeth, etc., but there is no one who will just plain love your children like you do! The others can accomplish the tasks, but it is just that, a task! No one else includes the loving touches, the pats on the head, the warm kisses etc. that you as their mother will provide!
The next responsibility of a mother is to support your husband (if possible) in teaching your children about spiritual things. Children need to know at an early age that they are accountable to God for their behavior and for their goals and purpose in life. That should be a high priority of the mother, for you see, as a child ages, he is more and more influenced by our culture and he is more and more distracted by the things that the culture offers and he will be harder and harder to reach as he grows through his childhood and life. And since in most homes, it is the mother who spends the most time with her children, then a great deal of this responsibility falls to her.
Another important responsibility of the mother is to teach your children how to be tender and gentle. You are probably going to be the first person from whom your child will receive unconditional love and you are the one who will be there when he hurts, either physically or emotionally. You are the one who will wipe his tears, so do it gently and carefully. Children have to grow up in a tough world, but from their mother they need to learn how to be tender and the “tough” will come when it is time.
There are many other things that children should learn from their mothers, but the last one I would like to touch on is that children should learn to serve others from you. You see, God has given to women the responsibility of ministering to the “poor and needy” (Proverbs 31 20). And ideally, all of us should participate in this task. As we all know, children are not born with the desire to minister to other people. It is something that needs to be learned, so who is the best person to teach them that art? Well, I believe it is their mother as she is the one who gives the most time to rearing the children and making sure they are equipped to do their part in the family, the church and the society.
And how do we successfully accomplish all of these tasks? Prayer should be a top priority for moms! No matter how busy you are, never let your schedule squeeze out your time to pray for your children! And let them know you are praying for them. Let them hear you pray and let them know that it is one of your highest priorities!
So what is in this for the mother? Well, I believe that next to hearing the words, “Well done”, from my Savior, would be the honor of hearing my children “rise up and call me blessed”! (Proverbs 31:28) That will be reward enough for me!
My own mother has been in Heaven for almost sixteen years, and I miss her every day! She was one of the very best friends I have ever had and I have many good memories of our times together! Those of you who still have your moms, cherish the time you have to spend with them. Never take them for granted! Let them know you appreciate them! In honor and tribute to my mother (Who never even touched a computer as far as I know and who would be totally overwhelmed if she even knew I have the capability of sharing her recipes with people all over the world), I would like to share with you a couple of her favorite recipes!
Mountain Pie
1 stick butter (melt in a 9 by 13 glass casserole pan)
Mix the following and pour over melted butter - pour all the way to the edges
1 cup flour
½ cup white sugar
½ cup brown sugar
1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon salt
¾ cup milk
Pour one quart of your favorite canned fruit, or equivalent sugared fresh fruit, over the batter
Bake at 350 for 45 minutes. (We like to use part peaches and part blueberries)
Pecan Slices (bars)
1 stick butter (melt in a 9 by 13 cake pan)
Mix the following and pour over melted butter – all the way to the edges
4 eggs
1 pound brown sugar
1 ½ cup flour
1 – 1 ½ cup pecans or walnuts
Bake at 325 for 30 minutes.
GLAZE: Mix the following and drizzle over warm bars
½ cup powdered sugar
½ teaspoon butter
2 teaspoons lemon juice
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Thou Shalt Fear the Lord Thy God
Deuteronomy 6:13 a.) “Thou shalt fear the Lord Thy God…”
There is one more concept in Deuteronomy 6 that I would like to cover as it pertains to teaching your children. The concept to which I am referring is the one above from
verse 13. I truly believe that the idea that we should have a healthy fear of God has been lost in our culture. I know there were times in the past when there was a very serious fear of God to the point that people almost lost the fact that God loves us, but I think now we have come too far the other way and talked about God’s love to the exclusion of the need to fear Him.
Proverbs 9:10 states that, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom…” I am not a language scholar of any kind, but I am going to deduce from this verse that it is very hard for one to be wise without fearing the Lord! Now a person could possibly be very smart and be very logical, but to be wise requires “the fear of the Lord”.
Now, let me use an example from my home where I grew up to show you how I think this plays out. My dad was the disciplinarian in our home and I knew it and had a very healthy fear of him, especially if I had made decisions that I knew he wouldn’t consider to be very “wise”. He had very large hands and besides that, he had a leather strap that he left hanging behind his bedroom door. Now my dad and mom had generally taught us how they thought things should be done, and we learned that if we veered from their desires for how things should be done without good reason or without consulting them, we would reap the results either by hand or with the strap. This cultivated a certain amount of fear in our hearts for my dad!
God has given us an instruction book and it is called the Bible. In that book, He tells us how we should conduct ourselves and how we should live our lives. Now, one difference with God is that His discipline isn’t always immediate, so we can get lulled into thinking that maybe we got away with something. However, God’s Word does promise consequences of sin and they will come! Galatians 6:7 says that, “Whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap”. I heard one preacher say that “We reap what we sow, later than we sow, and more than we sow.” In this present culture, children have learned that most often they can get by with sin because they are often not called to account for their actions! How often do you hear a child being told to do something and threatened if he doesn’t comply and he just ignores his parent and continues on his own way? He gets another “warning” and continues to ignore and maybe another “warning” and finally the parent gives up and forgets the request and the consequence. When that sort of thing happens, that child learns that if he ignores his parent long enough, his parent will sooner or later just drop the whole thing and he, the child, is off the hook. In school, children are taught that they can have a number of chances to get something right and still receive the reward that was promised to the one who completed the assignment correctly the first time. In other words, children are taught that they never really have to give account and they will soon transfer all of this kind of thinking over into their view of God. The reason God said that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom is so that it would be a deterrent for us as we make decisions in our lives about things we should or should not do. Just as the strap behind my dad’s door was a reminder to me that I needed to obey my dad, God’s Word is our reminder that God has set the standards and we need to follow them! And it is not OUR choice! When we disobey, that is sin! (James 4:17) We desperately need to teach this concept to our kids in our homes as they WILL NOT learn it from the culture! And a healthy fear of God will give them great wisdom as they make the decisions that will come for them throughout their lives!
Have a great weekend and next week I will move on to some other material.
There is one more concept in Deuteronomy 6 that I would like to cover as it pertains to teaching your children. The concept to which I am referring is the one above from
verse 13. I truly believe that the idea that we should have a healthy fear of God has been lost in our culture. I know there were times in the past when there was a very serious fear of God to the point that people almost lost the fact that God loves us, but I think now we have come too far the other way and talked about God’s love to the exclusion of the need to fear Him.
Proverbs 9:10 states that, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom…” I am not a language scholar of any kind, but I am going to deduce from this verse that it is very hard for one to be wise without fearing the Lord! Now a person could possibly be very smart and be very logical, but to be wise requires “the fear of the Lord”.
Now, let me use an example from my home where I grew up to show you how I think this plays out. My dad was the disciplinarian in our home and I knew it and had a very healthy fear of him, especially if I had made decisions that I knew he wouldn’t consider to be very “wise”. He had very large hands and besides that, he had a leather strap that he left hanging behind his bedroom door. Now my dad and mom had generally taught us how they thought things should be done, and we learned that if we veered from their desires for how things should be done without good reason or without consulting them, we would reap the results either by hand or with the strap. This cultivated a certain amount of fear in our hearts for my dad!
God has given us an instruction book and it is called the Bible. In that book, He tells us how we should conduct ourselves and how we should live our lives. Now, one difference with God is that His discipline isn’t always immediate, so we can get lulled into thinking that maybe we got away with something. However, God’s Word does promise consequences of sin and they will come! Galatians 6:7 says that, “Whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap”. I heard one preacher say that “We reap what we sow, later than we sow, and more than we sow.” In this present culture, children have learned that most often they can get by with sin because they are often not called to account for their actions! How often do you hear a child being told to do something and threatened if he doesn’t comply and he just ignores his parent and continues on his own way? He gets another “warning” and continues to ignore and maybe another “warning” and finally the parent gives up and forgets the request and the consequence. When that sort of thing happens, that child learns that if he ignores his parent long enough, his parent will sooner or later just drop the whole thing and he, the child, is off the hook. In school, children are taught that they can have a number of chances to get something right and still receive the reward that was promised to the one who completed the assignment correctly the first time. In other words, children are taught that they never really have to give account and they will soon transfer all of this kind of thinking over into their view of God. The reason God said that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom is so that it would be a deterrent for us as we make decisions in our lives about things we should or should not do. Just as the strap behind my dad’s door was a reminder to me that I needed to obey my dad, God’s Word is our reminder that God has set the standards and we need to follow them! And it is not OUR choice! When we disobey, that is sin! (James 4:17) We desperately need to teach this concept to our kids in our homes as they WILL NOT learn it from the culture! And a healthy fear of God will give them great wisdom as they make the decisions that will come for them throughout their lives!
Have a great weekend and next week I will move on to some other material.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Lest We Forget the Lord
Deuteronomy 6:10-12 “…When the Lord thy God…give thee…houses full of all good things, which you did not fill, and wells digged that you did not dig, vineyards and olive trees that you did not plant; when you have eaten and are full; then beware lest you forget the Lord…!”
In these verses, which are a continuation of the topics we have been covering, God is warning the Israelites to be very careful of the consequences of coming into a land that was already established and ready to go without them having to work to make it that way. They would be coming into a land of plenty and God knew that that was dangerous enough for them that He warned them to “beware”!
If there has ever been a time in history when we need to beware of these same dangers, it is now and in the United States of America! I believe there is a real danger in this country for all of us to become lazy and very demanding and, yes, VERY soft! As we all know, we are very spoiled with things and variety of every kind from cereal to toys to shoes and on and on it goes! We allow our children to get caught up in this mindset because everyone else is there and it is easy to just get on board. Our children are bombarded on every side by things and stuff that they have in no way worked or paid for and it is so easy for them to become demanding and dependent on these things for their security, for their recreation, for their joy, etc. Does it surprise us that many young people from Christian homes are walking away from their faith and serving the ‘god of the stuff’? Does it surprise us that church has little or no relevance in their lives or that they are “forgetting the Lord”?
One of the most dangerous things in our culture, in my opinion, is all the ‘stuff’! I believe that it is part of the plan of the ‘god of this world’ to get all of us to be dependent on all that is in the world and get our eyes off the real meaning of life. He is not happy to just keep people from becoming born again, but he wants God’s people to have so much stuff that they are soft and not able to enjoy life without it! I believe there is going to be a day of reckoning for all of us here in this country and I wonder if we are going to be able to endure. Are we strong enough to stand and take our place on the Lord’s side should that day come in our lifetime? What about our children and grand children? Are they going to be able to stand for their faith? Will they even know what it is they are to stand for? I am not trying to be a doomsday person, but these are things I think we need to think about as we walk through this life.
I know it is very hard to live within this culture and not get caught up in all that is available. The first thing we need to do is to watch where we as the adults are with this problem. When you or I go to the store, do we determine whether to buy something by whether we can afford it or is the decision based on our need for such an item? Do we find ourselves being careless about such things as eating out just because we have the money? Are we more wasteful because we don’t need to be quite as careful as we used to be? I believe it is Larry Burkett who said something about finding the financial level at which you are comfortable and then stay there. In other words, don’t let your income level dictate how much you think you need. And, try to look at life through the eyes of your children. It is within your power to determine how your children look at their needs and wants. They should rarely receive things just because they ‘want’ it. Receiving gifts for birthdays or Christmas are the rare exceptions to this concept. Most often children should receive things that they need or things that are good for them to have. If they get into the habit of receiving things just because they want them, you are setting them up for a lot of difficulties down the road. (I will cover this topic in detail in a later discussion.) It is VERY good for children to have to earn and save up for some of the things they need or would like to have. Children need to learn the concept of working for things at an early age as it will give them a connection between work and having, and will build the beginning of a good work ethic, which is a Biblical concept, by the way!
It is my prayer that we can all get a handle on these issues and raise children and grandchildren who won’t forget the Lord! In this world, the last thing we need to do is to forget the One who is our source of everything we need to get through each day. Let’s set Godly examples in this area of wanting the ‘stuff’ and let’s pass on to our children the ability to live a Godly and contented life. Remember: “Godliness with contentment is great gain!” I Timothy 6:6
In these verses, which are a continuation of the topics we have been covering, God is warning the Israelites to be very careful of the consequences of coming into a land that was already established and ready to go without them having to work to make it that way. They would be coming into a land of plenty and God knew that that was dangerous enough for them that He warned them to “beware”!
If there has ever been a time in history when we need to beware of these same dangers, it is now and in the United States of America! I believe there is a real danger in this country for all of us to become lazy and very demanding and, yes, VERY soft! As we all know, we are very spoiled with things and variety of every kind from cereal to toys to shoes and on and on it goes! We allow our children to get caught up in this mindset because everyone else is there and it is easy to just get on board. Our children are bombarded on every side by things and stuff that they have in no way worked or paid for and it is so easy for them to become demanding and dependent on these things for their security, for their recreation, for their joy, etc. Does it surprise us that many young people from Christian homes are walking away from their faith and serving the ‘god of the stuff’? Does it surprise us that church has little or no relevance in their lives or that they are “forgetting the Lord”?
One of the most dangerous things in our culture, in my opinion, is all the ‘stuff’! I believe that it is part of the plan of the ‘god of this world’ to get all of us to be dependent on all that is in the world and get our eyes off the real meaning of life. He is not happy to just keep people from becoming born again, but he wants God’s people to have so much stuff that they are soft and not able to enjoy life without it! I believe there is going to be a day of reckoning for all of us here in this country and I wonder if we are going to be able to endure. Are we strong enough to stand and take our place on the Lord’s side should that day come in our lifetime? What about our children and grand children? Are they going to be able to stand for their faith? Will they even know what it is they are to stand for? I am not trying to be a doomsday person, but these are things I think we need to think about as we walk through this life.
I know it is very hard to live within this culture and not get caught up in all that is available. The first thing we need to do is to watch where we as the adults are with this problem. When you or I go to the store, do we determine whether to buy something by whether we can afford it or is the decision based on our need for such an item? Do we find ourselves being careless about such things as eating out just because we have the money? Are we more wasteful because we don’t need to be quite as careful as we used to be? I believe it is Larry Burkett who said something about finding the financial level at which you are comfortable and then stay there. In other words, don’t let your income level dictate how much you think you need. And, try to look at life through the eyes of your children. It is within your power to determine how your children look at their needs and wants. They should rarely receive things just because they ‘want’ it. Receiving gifts for birthdays or Christmas are the rare exceptions to this concept. Most often children should receive things that they need or things that are good for them to have. If they get into the habit of receiving things just because they want them, you are setting them up for a lot of difficulties down the road. (I will cover this topic in detail in a later discussion.) It is VERY good for children to have to earn and save up for some of the things they need or would like to have. Children need to learn the concept of working for things at an early age as it will give them a connection between work and having, and will build the beginning of a good work ethic, which is a Biblical concept, by the way!
It is my prayer that we can all get a handle on these issues and raise children and grandchildren who won’t forget the Lord! In this world, the last thing we need to do is to forget the One who is our source of everything we need to get through each day. Let’s set Godly examples in this area of wanting the ‘stuff’ and let’s pass on to our children the ability to live a Godly and contented life. Remember: “Godliness with contentment is great gain!” I Timothy 6:6
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Help Your Children Remember
Deuteronomy 6:8&9 “And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thy hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.”
(I once again need to apologize for a lapse here, but my husband was on spring break and we took a few days away to be together and to see our family that lives in the Dayton area. We had a great time, but it is always good to get home.)
Last time I posted, it was concerning the mandates in the verses in Deuteronomy that precede these two verses. Now, I am not qualified to exposit about these passages, but I am just trying to share some of the principles concerning child-rearing that I have gleaned from this passage over the years of my experience in raising three children.
I see in these verses the command to the Israelites to post something in three different places. In order to accomplish that task, it is necessary to know what it is they were to post! If you look back to verse 6 of this chapter, you will see that it is “these words” which we talked about in the last entry. And if you look ahead one more verse, you will see that they have to do with our love for the Lord. So it is that they were told to bind these words for a sign on their hands, put them between their eyes and write them on the posts of their house and gates. That command was specific to those people, but I think that the principle applies to us today!
I don’t think that we need to figure out how to place anything between our eyes or on our hands, but I do think that we can place appropriate things around our homes that will remind our children and others that this is a place where God is remembered and honored. If you look around your home, will your children be reminded to “Love the Lord their God” or will they be encouraged to love the world and its system? Do they see reminders of God and His plan and expectations for them, or do they see all the “stuff” that reminds them of the saying, “He who dies with the most toys wins”?
What then are some ways of displaying a God-loving and God-honoring attitude in your home? Is there a place in your home where your family meets daily for the purpose of family devotions and prayer? I am wondering if there is a Bible or a devotional book on your breakfast table that reminds your children that this is where God’s Word is read each morning before your family leaves the house for the day in order to give everyone encouragement as they head out to face the things that come along as we face the world each and every morning. Is there a Bible story book that reminds them that this is how we end each day before we all head off to bed after a busy day? Are there books on your bookshelf that encourage your family to study the deeper truths of God’s Word? Is there good music available for your family from good Christian children’s music to quiet devotional music for the family? These are just some of the ways of “posting these words” on the door posts of your home. We will all have different ways of accomplishing this mandate, but the important thing is that you DO IT! Start small, but start with a plan. Decide today that you will do one thing to make your home a place where God is remembered and honored. Pick one of these ideas or think of one of your own, but get started today! If you think, “Sometime I will have to do that” it won’t happen! And remember, your children are growing every day and they will some day leave home and then it will be too late! You only get one chance to raise your children. You can’t get to the end and decide, “I guess I blew it that time! Let’s try this again!” So get started on some of these things and let’s raise children that remember and have as their goal to “Love the Lord ‘their’ God with all ‘their’ heart, and with all ‘their’ soul and with all ‘their’ might!”
(I once again need to apologize for a lapse here, but my husband was on spring break and we took a few days away to be together and to see our family that lives in the Dayton area. We had a great time, but it is always good to get home.)
Last time I posted, it was concerning the mandates in the verses in Deuteronomy that precede these two verses. Now, I am not qualified to exposit about these passages, but I am just trying to share some of the principles concerning child-rearing that I have gleaned from this passage over the years of my experience in raising three children.
I see in these verses the command to the Israelites to post something in three different places. In order to accomplish that task, it is necessary to know what it is they were to post! If you look back to verse 6 of this chapter, you will see that it is “these words” which we talked about in the last entry. And if you look ahead one more verse, you will see that they have to do with our love for the Lord. So it is that they were told to bind these words for a sign on their hands, put them between their eyes and write them on the posts of their house and gates. That command was specific to those people, but I think that the principle applies to us today!
I don’t think that we need to figure out how to place anything between our eyes or on our hands, but I do think that we can place appropriate things around our homes that will remind our children and others that this is a place where God is remembered and honored. If you look around your home, will your children be reminded to “Love the Lord their God” or will they be encouraged to love the world and its system? Do they see reminders of God and His plan and expectations for them, or do they see all the “stuff” that reminds them of the saying, “He who dies with the most toys wins”?
What then are some ways of displaying a God-loving and God-honoring attitude in your home? Is there a place in your home where your family meets daily for the purpose of family devotions and prayer? I am wondering if there is a Bible or a devotional book on your breakfast table that reminds your children that this is where God’s Word is read each morning before your family leaves the house for the day in order to give everyone encouragement as they head out to face the things that come along as we face the world each and every morning. Is there a Bible story book that reminds them that this is how we end each day before we all head off to bed after a busy day? Are there books on your bookshelf that encourage your family to study the deeper truths of God’s Word? Is there good music available for your family from good Christian children’s music to quiet devotional music for the family? These are just some of the ways of “posting these words” on the door posts of your home. We will all have different ways of accomplishing this mandate, but the important thing is that you DO IT! Start small, but start with a plan. Decide today that you will do one thing to make your home a place where God is remembered and honored. Pick one of these ideas or think of one of your own, but get started today! If you think, “Sometime I will have to do that” it won’t happen! And remember, your children are growing every day and they will some day leave home and then it will be too late! You only get one chance to raise your children. You can’t get to the end and decide, “I guess I blew it that time! Let’s try this again!” So get started on some of these things and let’s raise children that remember and have as their goal to “Love the Lord ‘their’ God with all ‘their’ heart, and with all ‘their’ soul and with all ‘their’ might!”
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Teach Your Children Diligently
Deuteronomy 6:5-7 “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. YOU SHALL TEACH THEM DILIGENTLY TO YOUR CHILDREN, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down and when you rise up.”
There is a lot in these few short verses! I will not be going into the first verse about loving God with all of our heart, soul and strength! That is a major challenge in itself! That command is pretty clear and pretty much covers the manner in which we should live our lives! You know at least some of what you need to do in order to flesh that out, but I want to go on into what it means to teach our children diligently. What should we teach them and what are some specific things we can do to make sure this commandment gets followed in our homes? The thoughts in Deuteronomy 6 will be covered in two or three postings, so I will just be covering some thoughts about what needs to be taught and some practical ways to accomplish it.
According to Webster’s dictionary, the word ‘diligent’ means “to persevere with careful steady work”. This implies that teaching diligently isn’t something that can be accomplished in a very short time. It is my understanding that “teaching diligently” would take a lifetime. Now over the lifetime of our children from babyhood to adulthood, the style and content of the teaching would change, but it looks to me like it is an ongoing effort. There is no implication that there is a starting and an ending time.
So, what is it that we are to teach? Verse 6 says that we are to teach “these words which I command you today”. Then we look one verse ahead of that and we see in verse 5 the command to “love the Lord your God with all your heart…soul and ...strength.” So from this, I understand that we are to teach our children that God is to have first place in their lives! Well, as I have been thinking about this, I am not really sure that any of us really knows what that would look like, but I do know that most of us are not there and it is something that we need to work on VERY ‘diligently’!
So what are some practical and specific ways that we can accomplish this teaching? Verse7 tells us to “talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down and when you rise up.” This pretty much encompasses the whole 24 hours in the day! I think this means that our Christian faith is pretty much a way of life and not something we put on and take off as we walk through our life! It means that when we are sitting in our homes, there should be reference to God and our Lord Jesus as if He were there in person. At first it may take effort to try to work conversation about God into your everyday household conversation, and you should take that effort to do it! For instance, when you are enjoying a fresh homemade cookie, talk about how thankful you are that God has provided us with stoves for baking good cookies. Talk about how wonderful it is that God made things grow so you could have the chocolate chips that are in the cookies! And of course, there is the usual prayer at the meals, but it needs to be more than that. When you are out walking (and you should be making time to be out walking with your children), talk about all the beauty and things that God has created. Probably one of the easiest things is to approach this idea by repeating all of the things for which you can be thankful. When you lie down is a good time to rehearse all of the wonders of the day and if the day wasn’t so wonderful, you can remember that God was there and gave strength for the day and how He has good plans for tomorrow. And of course, when you get up is a good time to pray and ask for God’s help and guidance for a new day! One big condition about all of this is that you need to be there in order to accomplish this. This will take time and it will take planning at first, but the rewards are eternal and well worth the effort!
Just one short thought to finish off for today is to remember that one of the main ways to accomplish this whole task is to live a good example of Godliness and thankfulness. As your children go from small children to being adults, it probably becomes more important than ever to live a Godly and thankful example. Adult children need you to show them how to live in the culture that is constantly changing. It is typical for your example to become more important while the words you speak become fewer.
Next time, I will continue this thought and cover some more in Deuteronomy 6. Trust you will have a great week and now I am off to make sure that I accomplish these things as I live my life before my adult children and my young grandchildren!
There is a lot in these few short verses! I will not be going into the first verse about loving God with all of our heart, soul and strength! That is a major challenge in itself! That command is pretty clear and pretty much covers the manner in which we should live our lives! You know at least some of what you need to do in order to flesh that out, but I want to go on into what it means to teach our children diligently. What should we teach them and what are some specific things we can do to make sure this commandment gets followed in our homes? The thoughts in Deuteronomy 6 will be covered in two or three postings, so I will just be covering some thoughts about what needs to be taught and some practical ways to accomplish it.
According to Webster’s dictionary, the word ‘diligent’ means “to persevere with careful steady work”. This implies that teaching diligently isn’t something that can be accomplished in a very short time. It is my understanding that “teaching diligently” would take a lifetime. Now over the lifetime of our children from babyhood to adulthood, the style and content of the teaching would change, but it looks to me like it is an ongoing effort. There is no implication that there is a starting and an ending time.
So, what is it that we are to teach? Verse 6 says that we are to teach “these words which I command you today”. Then we look one verse ahead of that and we see in verse 5 the command to “love the Lord your God with all your heart…soul and ...strength.” So from this, I understand that we are to teach our children that God is to have first place in their lives! Well, as I have been thinking about this, I am not really sure that any of us really knows what that would look like, but I do know that most of us are not there and it is something that we need to work on VERY ‘diligently’!
So what are some practical and specific ways that we can accomplish this teaching? Verse7 tells us to “talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down and when you rise up.” This pretty much encompasses the whole 24 hours in the day! I think this means that our Christian faith is pretty much a way of life and not something we put on and take off as we walk through our life! It means that when we are sitting in our homes, there should be reference to God and our Lord Jesus as if He were there in person. At first it may take effort to try to work conversation about God into your everyday household conversation, and you should take that effort to do it! For instance, when you are enjoying a fresh homemade cookie, talk about how thankful you are that God has provided us with stoves for baking good cookies. Talk about how wonderful it is that God made things grow so you could have the chocolate chips that are in the cookies! And of course, there is the usual prayer at the meals, but it needs to be more than that. When you are out walking (and you should be making time to be out walking with your children), talk about all the beauty and things that God has created. Probably one of the easiest things is to approach this idea by repeating all of the things for which you can be thankful. When you lie down is a good time to rehearse all of the wonders of the day and if the day wasn’t so wonderful, you can remember that God was there and gave strength for the day and how He has good plans for tomorrow. And of course, when you get up is a good time to pray and ask for God’s help and guidance for a new day! One big condition about all of this is that you need to be there in order to accomplish this. This will take time and it will take planning at first, but the rewards are eternal and well worth the effort!
Just one short thought to finish off for today is to remember that one of the main ways to accomplish this whole task is to live a good example of Godliness and thankfulness. As your children go from small children to being adults, it probably becomes more important than ever to live a Godly and thankful example. Adult children need you to show them how to live in the culture that is constantly changing. It is typical for your example to become more important while the words you speak become fewer.
Next time, I will continue this thought and cover some more in Deuteronomy 6. Trust you will have a great week and now I am off to make sure that I accomplish these things as I live my life before my adult children and my young grandchildren!
Saturday, March 1, 2008
A New Baby
Today as I sit here at home and wait for a call that I need to go to the hospital to welcome a new grandbaby, I am reflecting on the culture we live in and the world in which that precious little baby will grow up! We do not know if this baby is a boy or a girl, but no matter the gender, the intelligence or any other characteristic of this little baby, he/she will face many challenges that his parents, his grandparents, his extended family and every Christian he knows will need to help him through!
I haven’t written for a while for various reasons, but I have become very burdened by what is going on in our political climate and wondering how I can help young parents face the challenges that are rampant today! I am going to try over the next few weeks to react and to respond to some of the things that I am hearing and hope that it may be of help to you.
One of the words that is often being used today is the word “hope”. As I listen, (and I am quite interested in the political scene) I hear that word just batted around as if just the ability to have “hope” is all that matters. I haven’t heard anyone yet tell us what reason we have for having “hope”! I am here to tell you that “hope” in “hope” will get you nothing! “Hope” in some intangible idea or thing will also accomplish nothing. We need to have our “hope” IN something.
My challenge to you moms and parents is to give your children something IN which to hope. And the best thing that I know of to be the object of that “hope” is God. God, in His Word, not only tells us to have “hope”, He tells us where to place our hope and why. In Psalm 146:5-10 a.) (NKJV) it says: “Happy is he who has the God of Jacob for His help, whose ‘hope’ is in the Lord his God, Who made Heaven and earth, the sea and all that is in them; Who keeps truth forever, Who executes justice for the oppressed, Who gives food to the hungry. The Lord gives freedom to the prisoners. The Lord opens the eyes of the blind; the Lord raises those who are bowed down; the Lord loves the righteous. The Lord watches over the strangers; He relieves the fatherless and the widow; but the way of the wicked He turns upside down. The Lord shall reign forever--”
That list not only covers many of the needs that we face in America today, but God has great credentials, don’t you think?! And talk about experience…! I pray that as we all face the coming days and months and all that is transpiring in our great country, we will remember that, as the song says, “Our ‘hope’ is in the Lord” and not in anything that any of the politicians tell us about what they are going to do! Our job is to pray and seek God’s will and best plan for us and for our families. This is the reason that I can be excited and thrilled as I wait for the new life that God is placing in our family today or some day soon! On my own and with the things I see and hear with my own eyes and ears, I would be very apprehensive and pessimistic, but when I read Psalm 146, I see GREAT HOPE in the God Who created the Heaven and the earth and will reign forever! With that “hope”, I can hold that precious new grandbaby and know that with God’s help, I can make a difference for him and for all the other grandchildren God has and will bless me with!
With that in mind, may I keep my eyes on God and keep focused on my mission so that I can be that help and support that all who are living in this world are looking for. Praise the Lord for the ‘hope’ we have in Him!!!
I haven’t written for a while for various reasons, but I have become very burdened by what is going on in our political climate and wondering how I can help young parents face the challenges that are rampant today! I am going to try over the next few weeks to react and to respond to some of the things that I am hearing and hope that it may be of help to you.
One of the words that is often being used today is the word “hope”. As I listen, (and I am quite interested in the political scene) I hear that word just batted around as if just the ability to have “hope” is all that matters. I haven’t heard anyone yet tell us what reason we have for having “hope”! I am here to tell you that “hope” in “hope” will get you nothing! “Hope” in some intangible idea or thing will also accomplish nothing. We need to have our “hope” IN something.
My challenge to you moms and parents is to give your children something IN which to hope. And the best thing that I know of to be the object of that “hope” is God. God, in His Word, not only tells us to have “hope”, He tells us where to place our hope and why. In Psalm 146:5-10 a.) (NKJV) it says: “Happy is he who has the God of Jacob for His help, whose ‘hope’ is in the Lord his God, Who made Heaven and earth, the sea and all that is in them; Who keeps truth forever, Who executes justice for the oppressed, Who gives food to the hungry. The Lord gives freedom to the prisoners. The Lord opens the eyes of the blind; the Lord raises those who are bowed down; the Lord loves the righteous. The Lord watches over the strangers; He relieves the fatherless and the widow; but the way of the wicked He turns upside down. The Lord shall reign forever--”
That list not only covers many of the needs that we face in America today, but God has great credentials, don’t you think?! And talk about experience…! I pray that as we all face the coming days and months and all that is transpiring in our great country, we will remember that, as the song says, “Our ‘hope’ is in the Lord” and not in anything that any of the politicians tell us about what they are going to do! Our job is to pray and seek God’s will and best plan for us and for our families. This is the reason that I can be excited and thrilled as I wait for the new life that God is placing in our family today or some day soon! On my own and with the things I see and hear with my own eyes and ears, I would be very apprehensive and pessimistic, but when I read Psalm 146, I see GREAT HOPE in the God Who created the Heaven and the earth and will reign forever! With that “hope”, I can hold that precious new grandbaby and know that with God’s help, I can make a difference for him and for all the other grandchildren God has and will bless me with!
With that in mind, may I keep my eyes on God and keep focused on my mission so that I can be that help and support that all who are living in this world are looking for. Praise the Lord for the ‘hope’ we have in Him!!!
Friday, October 19, 2007
Contented Children - Part II
Wow! I have been terribly busy for almost three weeks now, and I haven’t been able to find time to think about or write on my blog! I am hoping things will settle down now, so I am returning and will try to get back on track. We have had company, entertained grandchildren, visited our son in Dayton, been to the Dr. and dentist, etc.!
We started the topic of contentment last time and I would like to continue on that line today. Another important principle of teaching contentment to your children is to keep your home “low key”. Teach your children to enjoy the simple things of life. Make a big deal about things that you want them to enjoy like going for walks and picking flowers. Let them plant things in the garden and watch them grow. I learned very early on that my children would reflect me, so if I was happy, they were happy. If I was frustrated, they could soon be frustrated. The kids would enjoy the things that I enjoyed. Sometimes we underestimate how much we influence our children from a very early age. So, it is important for us as mothers to have responses that we desire our kids to have.
Since we are in the fall time of the year, we will soon be faced with several very different options of how to celebrate the “holidays” that are on the calendar. As I have come through the past several years of my life, it has become more and more important to me to celebrate Thanksgiving in a bigger way! Without getting into the moral or spiritual aspects of Halloween, may I just say that Halloween at best teaches those who participate in it a very selfish attitude about “getting”. There is a lot of greed involved in going around and asking for candy from everyone we can think of! Why not skip Halloween and move from fall to Thanksgiving. I mentioned in my last entry that teaching your children to be thankful is one good way to ward off discontent. So this will give you a very good way to teach this in a tangible way! After Labor Day is over we give it a couple of weeks and then we get out the Thanksgiving things and put out things that remind us of the blessings of God and how much we have for which to be thankful. I have noticed to my dismay that most stores skip right over Thanksgiving, so if you are taking your cues from them, you will miss Thanksgiving too. Thanksgiving doesn’t offer much in the way of revenue, so it is not on the calendar except as a “comma” between Halloween and Christmas which are the real money-makers.
Speaking of teaching your kids to be content, one thing you can do to encourage this is to teach them to serve others. It is good for them to see others who are in need so they realize they have some responsibility to minister to and share with them. Every fall in early October, I have my grandkids over to help me make cookies to distribute to some of the elderly and shut-ins that we know. So on October 2, I picked them up and they came over. I had cut out the cookies (maybe as they get a bit older, I will let them “help” me cut them out as well) in the shape of apples. Then as I frost them with red frosting and green leaves, the kids are responsible to put on some red sprinkles and red cinnamon candies. Then we pack plates and deliver them around town. This year we delivered ten plates in all. Of course there is the joy of the older people that delight in hugging the children or giving them a treat and when we get home, everyone can have a cookie with milk. It is a very special time for all of us and I just pray that this will be the beginning of teaching them to minister and give to people who are in need.
Children are not born being content. They are born with all kinds of needs and desires and the culture adds to that and soon we have children who are very self-centered and selfish. And there is no one thing you can teach them that will solve this problem. It takes a life time of teaching by example and helping them arrange their priorities. I have so many thoughts on this topic, but I pray that you can see the way to plant some seeds and I pray that you will see growth and fruit in your children and grandchildren.
We started the topic of contentment last time and I would like to continue on that line today. Another important principle of teaching contentment to your children is to keep your home “low key”. Teach your children to enjoy the simple things of life. Make a big deal about things that you want them to enjoy like going for walks and picking flowers. Let them plant things in the garden and watch them grow. I learned very early on that my children would reflect me, so if I was happy, they were happy. If I was frustrated, they could soon be frustrated. The kids would enjoy the things that I enjoyed. Sometimes we underestimate how much we influence our children from a very early age. So, it is important for us as mothers to have responses that we desire our kids to have.
Since we are in the fall time of the year, we will soon be faced with several very different options of how to celebrate the “holidays” that are on the calendar. As I have come through the past several years of my life, it has become more and more important to me to celebrate Thanksgiving in a bigger way! Without getting into the moral or spiritual aspects of Halloween, may I just say that Halloween at best teaches those who participate in it a very selfish attitude about “getting”. There is a lot of greed involved in going around and asking for candy from everyone we can think of! Why not skip Halloween and move from fall to Thanksgiving. I mentioned in my last entry that teaching your children to be thankful is one good way to ward off discontent. So this will give you a very good way to teach this in a tangible way! After Labor Day is over we give it a couple of weeks and then we get out the Thanksgiving things and put out things that remind us of the blessings of God and how much we have for which to be thankful. I have noticed to my dismay that most stores skip right over Thanksgiving, so if you are taking your cues from them, you will miss Thanksgiving too. Thanksgiving doesn’t offer much in the way of revenue, so it is not on the calendar except as a “comma” between Halloween and Christmas which are the real money-makers.
Speaking of teaching your kids to be content, one thing you can do to encourage this is to teach them to serve others. It is good for them to see others who are in need so they realize they have some responsibility to minister to and share with them. Every fall in early October, I have my grandkids over to help me make cookies to distribute to some of the elderly and shut-ins that we know. So on October 2, I picked them up and they came over. I had cut out the cookies (maybe as they get a bit older, I will let them “help” me cut them out as well) in the shape of apples. Then as I frost them with red frosting and green leaves, the kids are responsible to put on some red sprinkles and red cinnamon candies. Then we pack plates and deliver them around town. This year we delivered ten plates in all. Of course there is the joy of the older people that delight in hugging the children or giving them a treat and when we get home, everyone can have a cookie with milk. It is a very special time for all of us and I just pray that this will be the beginning of teaching them to minister and give to people who are in need.
Children are not born being content. They are born with all kinds of needs and desires and the culture adds to that and soon we have children who are very self-centered and selfish. And there is no one thing you can teach them that will solve this problem. It takes a life time of teaching by example and helping them arrange their priorities. I have so many thoughts on this topic, but I pray that you can see the way to plant some seeds and I pray that you will see growth and fruit in your children and grandchildren.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Let's Raise Contented Children
Today is a new month and I am going to start a new topic! I have been dealing with some topics related to modesty and I am going to turn a corner today and share some thoughts about how to raise contented children. Just to justify the importance of this topic, you need to look up I Timothy 6:6: “Godliness with contentment is great gain.”
Contentment is a rare quality today, but it is one that can really make a difference in our whole life! In a culture where there are way too many choices for all of us, especially children, contentment is something we must learn or it won’t happen!
My daughter recently observed a party for children and she was very struck by the fact that the children were so outspoken about their likes and dislikes related to the food and other activities at the event. We need to remember that children learn by example and by teaching and when neither one is occurring properly, children will not pick up the qualities that they need in order to set them for a life characterized by contentment.
So how do we teach contentment? First of all, we need to model contentment for our children. If we are always trying to get and get and get more, then they will learn that is what life is all about. When we feel free to share openly about our likes and dislikes related to food or other basics of life, they will learn to share all the things they don’t like as well. I remember when our kids were young, we believed it was bad manners for children to come to the table, ours or anyone else’s, and talk about the food being or containing something they “don’t like”. In fact, we made a rule in our home that if someone complained about the food or asked what was in it so as to ascertain whether they would want to eat it, they would then have a slice of bread and a glass of water for that meal while the rest of us ate the meal along with the dessert. I think we only had to enforce that rule one time and it never happened again! It is also not wise for a mother to plan a meal that allows for each person to eat something different so that no one must eat anything that he doesn’t like. Food is only one small aspect of contentment, but it is an area where children think they can take control if they are allowed to get away with sharing their opinions.
Children can learn to try to control early if they are allowed to cry for things in the grocery store and see their desires met if they cry loud enough. If they know you are not going to spank or otherwise discipline them when you are out, they will learn very quickly that they can have anything they want in a grocery store. So how do you stop that in a climate where we don’t dare spank our kids in public? Well, as soon as the child tries that crying routine in the store, you very calmly explain to him that if he doesn’t stop that immediately, he will be punished when he arrives home. And then when he arrives home, you need to remember that promise you gave him and you need to carry through with something that he will NOT forget! (Spankings work well and I believe that is God’s punishment of choice.) You see, if a child receives an item in a store because he cries, he will learn by experience that he can get new toys, treats, etc. every time he goes to the store and you will begin to plant the seed of discontent in his heart because he can always have more if he can manipulate you by crying.
So the bottom line of the discussion today is that we as adults need to display the quality of contentment before our children if we expect them to learn how to be that way. We need to be thankful for the provisions of God and always be careful how we approach our meals at home and other places. There are some other principles that are important related to contentment, and we will continue on this topic in the next entry. As is often the case, I think that the basic approach to becoming content is to learn to be thankful!
Contentment is a rare quality today, but it is one that can really make a difference in our whole life! In a culture where there are way too many choices for all of us, especially children, contentment is something we must learn or it won’t happen!
My daughter recently observed a party for children and she was very struck by the fact that the children were so outspoken about their likes and dislikes related to the food and other activities at the event. We need to remember that children learn by example and by teaching and when neither one is occurring properly, children will not pick up the qualities that they need in order to set them for a life characterized by contentment.
So how do we teach contentment? First of all, we need to model contentment for our children. If we are always trying to get and get and get more, then they will learn that is what life is all about. When we feel free to share openly about our likes and dislikes related to food or other basics of life, they will learn to share all the things they don’t like as well. I remember when our kids were young, we believed it was bad manners for children to come to the table, ours or anyone else’s, and talk about the food being or containing something they “don’t like”. In fact, we made a rule in our home that if someone complained about the food or asked what was in it so as to ascertain whether they would want to eat it, they would then have a slice of bread and a glass of water for that meal while the rest of us ate the meal along with the dessert. I think we only had to enforce that rule one time and it never happened again! It is also not wise for a mother to plan a meal that allows for each person to eat something different so that no one must eat anything that he doesn’t like. Food is only one small aspect of contentment, but it is an area where children think they can take control if they are allowed to get away with sharing their opinions.
Children can learn to try to control early if they are allowed to cry for things in the grocery store and see their desires met if they cry loud enough. If they know you are not going to spank or otherwise discipline them when you are out, they will learn very quickly that they can have anything they want in a grocery store. So how do you stop that in a climate where we don’t dare spank our kids in public? Well, as soon as the child tries that crying routine in the store, you very calmly explain to him that if he doesn’t stop that immediately, he will be punished when he arrives home. And then when he arrives home, you need to remember that promise you gave him and you need to carry through with something that he will NOT forget! (Spankings work well and I believe that is God’s punishment of choice.) You see, if a child receives an item in a store because he cries, he will learn by experience that he can get new toys, treats, etc. every time he goes to the store and you will begin to plant the seed of discontent in his heart because he can always have more if he can manipulate you by crying.
So the bottom line of the discussion today is that we as adults need to display the quality of contentment before our children if we expect them to learn how to be that way. We need to be thankful for the provisions of God and always be careful how we approach our meals at home and other places. There are some other principles that are important related to contentment, and we will continue on this topic in the next entry. As is often the case, I think that the basic approach to becoming content is to learn to be thankful!
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Training Your Children -- Part 3
I have one more lesson for now on training your children, and it maybe should have been the first lesson as the other principles will go better if this one is in place. This principle has to do with training and teaching your child’s heart. There is an excellent book that I would highly recommend that deals with this topic and it is called; “Shepherding a Child’s Heart”, by Tedd Tripp.
You know, when children are born, they SEEM very innocent and sweet! And to some extent they are in that they have not yet chosen rationally to commit evil. However, one thing we need to remember as Christians is that God’s Word says that “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child…” Proverbs 22:15. (And it isn’t long after birth that we start to see the beginnings of some very obvious sinful attitudes!) We are also aware that when children are born, we parents are quite a bit bigger than they are, so by sheer force we can for a time make them do what we want them to do if we work at it a little. However, it is not our job as parents to just make our children look like “little Christians” on the outside. We are to help God do His work of bringing them to the point of regeneration and we are to work on changing them from the inside out so that the changed behavior will have life-long ramifications. It is not enough to just cause children to do certain things because they are aware in their heads that this is what Mom and Dad want me to do. We somehow need to get it into their hearts so that they have a heart to do the right thing and do it for a lifetime.
So, how do we accomplish this task? The first thing we need to do is to realize that a child’s heart is evil and needs to be changed. Genesis 8: 21 says, “…the imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth.” Our culture teaches that children are born pretty good and it is the environment that causes the evil that manifests itself in the lives of children. Once we realize and embrace the fact that our child’s heart is evil, we can then work to take care of that. If you look back at Proverbs 22:15, you see that the answer to the foolishness that is in the heart of a child is this: “…the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” Children need to learn that they are responsible for their behavior and that if they act in certain ways, there WILL be certain consequences. There are no quick fixes for the sin problem in children, but daily, consistent loving discipline including some physical punishment will send a message that God endorses since He is the One who authorized the concept of spanking, done in the proper way and with proper love and care.
Beyond the use of the “rod” to reach a child’s heart is the need for parents to be actively and emotionally and intimately involved in the life of their child. Children need your time ( not just the leftovers after you have worked and done all the things that are on your list of “necessary” activities). They need to see that you are willing to sacrifice some of your desires to meet their needs. You cannot reach their hearts with “stuff”. It isn’t a bad thing to give some meaningful things to your children, but don’t let that substitute for time and communication. You will get to know their hearts best by taking time each and every day to listen to them and give them some undivided attention. And nothing substitutes for a mother that is there every day meeting their needs in all areas; spiritual, emotional as well as physical.
Finally, I want to give one example to help you see what is meant by “shepherding \” their heart. Suppose you hear two of your children arguing over a toy and you go in to see what is going on. The first thing you would probably ask is: “Who had it first?” Well, that is probably how most of us would solve it as we are so focused in on what is “fair”. However, by the time you arrive on the scene, both children are probably displaying a very selfish attitude and it would be a good time to try to reach some hearts. They are both displaying an attitude that says, “I really don’t care how it affects my sibling, I want that toy and I want it more now that I know my sibling wants it!” So at this point, you have the opportunity to help the children understand selfishness and how we are taught in the Bible to “love one another” and to “be kind to one another”, etc. Now this may take some practice for you to get this kind of response into your daily acts of disciplining, but this is why it is so important for you to be there and be the one who deals with the daily activities in the lives of your children.
I pray that you will be able to reach the hearts of your children because if you teach and train them from the outside only, the changes will not be permanent. They will fall away when things get a bit tough and soon there will not be much left of the training you have worked to accomplish. Have a great week!
You know, when children are born, they SEEM very innocent and sweet! And to some extent they are in that they have not yet chosen rationally to commit evil. However, one thing we need to remember as Christians is that God’s Word says that “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child…” Proverbs 22:15. (And it isn’t long after birth that we start to see the beginnings of some very obvious sinful attitudes!) We are also aware that when children are born, we parents are quite a bit bigger than they are, so by sheer force we can for a time make them do what we want them to do if we work at it a little. However, it is not our job as parents to just make our children look like “little Christians” on the outside. We are to help God do His work of bringing them to the point of regeneration and we are to work on changing them from the inside out so that the changed behavior will have life-long ramifications. It is not enough to just cause children to do certain things because they are aware in their heads that this is what Mom and Dad want me to do. We somehow need to get it into their hearts so that they have a heart to do the right thing and do it for a lifetime.
So, how do we accomplish this task? The first thing we need to do is to realize that a child’s heart is evil and needs to be changed. Genesis 8: 21 says, “…the imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth.” Our culture teaches that children are born pretty good and it is the environment that causes the evil that manifests itself in the lives of children. Once we realize and embrace the fact that our child’s heart is evil, we can then work to take care of that. If you look back at Proverbs 22:15, you see that the answer to the foolishness that is in the heart of a child is this: “…the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” Children need to learn that they are responsible for their behavior and that if they act in certain ways, there WILL be certain consequences. There are no quick fixes for the sin problem in children, but daily, consistent loving discipline including some physical punishment will send a message that God endorses since He is the One who authorized the concept of spanking, done in the proper way and with proper love and care.
Beyond the use of the “rod” to reach a child’s heart is the need for parents to be actively and emotionally and intimately involved in the life of their child. Children need your time ( not just the leftovers after you have worked and done all the things that are on your list of “necessary” activities). They need to see that you are willing to sacrifice some of your desires to meet their needs. You cannot reach their hearts with “stuff”. It isn’t a bad thing to give some meaningful things to your children, but don’t let that substitute for time and communication. You will get to know their hearts best by taking time each and every day to listen to them and give them some undivided attention. And nothing substitutes for a mother that is there every day meeting their needs in all areas; spiritual, emotional as well as physical.
Finally, I want to give one example to help you see what is meant by “shepherding \” their heart. Suppose you hear two of your children arguing over a toy and you go in to see what is going on. The first thing you would probably ask is: “Who had it first?” Well, that is probably how most of us would solve it as we are so focused in on what is “fair”. However, by the time you arrive on the scene, both children are probably displaying a very selfish attitude and it would be a good time to try to reach some hearts. They are both displaying an attitude that says, “I really don’t care how it affects my sibling, I want that toy and I want it more now that I know my sibling wants it!” So at this point, you have the opportunity to help the children understand selfishness and how we are taught in the Bible to “love one another” and to “be kind to one another”, etc. Now this may take some practice for you to get this kind of response into your daily acts of disciplining, but this is why it is so important for you to be there and be the one who deals with the daily activities in the lives of your children.
I pray that you will be able to reach the hearts of your children because if you teach and train them from the outside only, the changes will not be permanent. They will fall away when things get a bit tough and soon there will not be much left of the training you have worked to accomplish. Have a great week!
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Training Your Children - Part 2
Wow!!! We have been on a whirlwind summer! It has been wonderful and fun, but so very busy!!! Last weekend we were able to have our annual family camping trip in Southern Indiana. Our whole family met there at the Mounds State Recreation Area and we camped for three wonderful days! On Friday we took our whole family to the new “Answers in Genesis” Museum and it was a wonderful experience! Even the little ones, age 3 and 5, enjoyed it and it kept their interest! It is well worth the trip to go and see it! If you have any questions about it, feel free to write to me and ask. It was a real encouragement to see the whole picture of Creation to the Cross and on to the coming events and see how everything fits! Take it in if you can!
Now I will continue the discussion on training your children. Last time I covered the topics of teaching and training your children. Some of what I go over today will give direction to those endeavors. The first topic I want to cover relates to correcting and disciplining them. Proverbs has many verses concerning correcting your children, but the first verse I want to mention is Proverbs 22:15 where it says, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” (There is NO room for any kind of child abuse here and there is NO suggestion that there be any kind of permanent damage done.) The idea behind this verse is that God knows that spanking is sometimes needful and usually a very effective form of discipline and He even created a place on the body of your children where He intends for that to take place! (Other verses for you to look up are Proverbs 13:24; 19:18; 23:13; 29:17) Punishment should never take place just because your children embarrassed or frustrated you, but because of an offense to God! Childishness should not be punished unless it is a result of disobedience or some other offense to God or if it is something that could bring harm to themselves or others. And children should always know why they are being punished! And of course, all punishment should be given lovingly and consistently.
The next responsibility I will discuss is for you to cherish your children. I believe this has somewhat of a different connotation than loving your children. In I John 2, I was noticing that several times, John used the endearing term, “My little children”. That sounded like a term that meant he really cared for and cherished them! Your children need to know that they are VERY loved and taken care of! However you communicate to them, there should be times when you speak lovingly and just very tenderly to them of your love and their value to you. Following close behind that idea as the fact that one way you can demonstrate how much you cherish them is to listen and pay close attention when they speak to you! (Proverbs 27:23 and 29:15) And you need to know each child well enough to know when and where is their favorite place of communicating with you. You need to look at them when they are talking with you so that they can feel the security of knowing that they have your full attention. Don’t let the phone or anything else disrupt that time. You need to set aside all other things at some point each and every day to listen to your children. And if at all possible, be there when your children come home from school or other major activities in their lives. If they do their “talking” with the baby sitter, you may never hear what is going on in their lives and find out the things that are important to them. It is such a heartache when I hear parents say something of this nature; “My child was on drugs while he was living in my home and I didn’t know it!” That shouldn’t happen if you are accomplishing Biblical parenting.
Next week I will continue on this thought and suggest some thoughts concerning getting to know and understand and shepherding your child’s heart. Have a great week and I think I am home for the duration now, so there shouldn’t be as many interruptions.
Now I will continue the discussion on training your children. Last time I covered the topics of teaching and training your children. Some of what I go over today will give direction to those endeavors. The first topic I want to cover relates to correcting and disciplining them. Proverbs has many verses concerning correcting your children, but the first verse I want to mention is Proverbs 22:15 where it says, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” (There is NO room for any kind of child abuse here and there is NO suggestion that there be any kind of permanent damage done.) The idea behind this verse is that God knows that spanking is sometimes needful and usually a very effective form of discipline and He even created a place on the body of your children where He intends for that to take place! (Other verses for you to look up are Proverbs 13:24; 19:18; 23:13; 29:17) Punishment should never take place just because your children embarrassed or frustrated you, but because of an offense to God! Childishness should not be punished unless it is a result of disobedience or some other offense to God or if it is something that could bring harm to themselves or others. And children should always know why they are being punished! And of course, all punishment should be given lovingly and consistently.
The next responsibility I will discuss is for you to cherish your children. I believe this has somewhat of a different connotation than loving your children. In I John 2, I was noticing that several times, John used the endearing term, “My little children”. That sounded like a term that meant he really cared for and cherished them! Your children need to know that they are VERY loved and taken care of! However you communicate to them, there should be times when you speak lovingly and just very tenderly to them of your love and their value to you. Following close behind that idea as the fact that one way you can demonstrate how much you cherish them is to listen and pay close attention when they speak to you! (Proverbs 27:23 and 29:15) And you need to know each child well enough to know when and where is their favorite place of communicating with you. You need to look at them when they are talking with you so that they can feel the security of knowing that they have your full attention. Don’t let the phone or anything else disrupt that time. You need to set aside all other things at some point each and every day to listen to your children. And if at all possible, be there when your children come home from school or other major activities in their lives. If they do their “talking” with the baby sitter, you may never hear what is going on in their lives and find out the things that are important to them. It is such a heartache when I hear parents say something of this nature; “My child was on drugs while he was living in my home and I didn’t know it!” That shouldn’t happen if you are accomplishing Biblical parenting.
Next week I will continue on this thought and suggest some thoughts concerning getting to know and understand and shepherding your child’s heart. Have a great week and I think I am home for the duration now, so there shouldn’t be as many interruptions.
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Training Your Children
I am back from a wonderful vacation! God blessed us and we enjoyed 12 wonderful days away. We went to Upstate New York and camped on the St. Lawrence Seaway. I watched ships going back and forth on the Seaway from our campsite whenever we were at our campground and it was just a very relaxing time. We came across Canada on the way back to Michigan and the most stressful time of the trip occurred on that trip back! It took us almost two hours to go over the bridge and go through customs to get back into Michigan and we were riding on an almost empty gas tank (the beeper had already sounded telling us of our plight)! We were sitting on the top of the bridge over the mouth of Lake Huron praying and praying that we would not run out of gas and have to call for road service in the midst of the busy traffic trying to go across the bridge! God blessed and when we reached the other side, the gas gauge actually looked like there was more gas than when we started across! We were so thankful for that reminder that God loves and cares for every detail of our lives!
For the next few entries, I will be sharing some thoughts that relate to the Ladies’ Bible Study I am teaching at our church this summer. The lesson I am working on right now deals with teaching and training your children. So there will be at least one entry related to that and then there will be a lesson or two on modesty. I am teaching the Bible study from a book by Elizabeth George entitled, “God’s Wisdom for a Woman’s Life”. (If any of you are ever looking for good Bible Study books for women, I highly recommend Elizabeth George as a very good source of Biblically based books written for women!)
There are many principles in the Word of God which give us guidance in child rearing. Many of them are found in the book of Proverbs. I would like to start with the principle of teaching your children. First of all, it is a good idea for you to assume that your children will not be taught anything anywhere else. Now this is probably not true, but if you assume your children are learning God’s truth in church or Sunday School or any other place, it may make you a bit lax and you may not cover topics that your children need to know! Approach the task of teaching your children as if you and your husband (or you by yourself) are the only ones who are doing this very important job! I have already alluded to Deuteronomy 6:6&7 a number of times on this blog, but let me add Proverbs 1:8 where it instructs a son to “hear the instruction” of his father and to “forsake not the law” of his mother. There are many more references to the teaching responsibility of the parent to the child in the book of Proverbs, but suffice it to say that you come away from reading that book with the thought that maybe that is the most important responsibility of a parent to his child! And of course, along with teaching is the job of training. They are kind of related to each other, but I believe that teaching gets God’s laws into the mind of your child and training gets the truth into their hearts and helps them to know how to behave based on those principles and truths. Now, I have heard many people, after the fact, say that Proverbs 22:6 cannot be taken literally because after all you never know what your child will do after he is out from under your care. And it is true that you don’t know what he will do after he leaves your home, but we need to dedicate ourselves to teaching and training them no matter the cost simply because God told us to! We don’t want to have to look back over our time with our children after they leave and see time after time when we put something else of our own desires ahead of our teaching and training our kids! Remember: You only get one chance to raise your children and we want to do it right the first time. After all, people are the ONLY thing we can take to Heaven with us and who would we want to bring to Heaven more than our own children! Next time I will talk about correcting your children, disciplining them, giving them your time, and several other topics related to your children. Many of these topics help us to do the training that we are instructed to do. Trust you are enjoying a great week and we will “talk” again soon!
For the next few entries, I will be sharing some thoughts that relate to the Ladies’ Bible Study I am teaching at our church this summer. The lesson I am working on right now deals with teaching and training your children. So there will be at least one entry related to that and then there will be a lesson or two on modesty. I am teaching the Bible study from a book by Elizabeth George entitled, “God’s Wisdom for a Woman’s Life”. (If any of you are ever looking for good Bible Study books for women, I highly recommend Elizabeth George as a very good source of Biblically based books written for women!)
There are many principles in the Word of God which give us guidance in child rearing. Many of them are found in the book of Proverbs. I would like to start with the principle of teaching your children. First of all, it is a good idea for you to assume that your children will not be taught anything anywhere else. Now this is probably not true, but if you assume your children are learning God’s truth in church or Sunday School or any other place, it may make you a bit lax and you may not cover topics that your children need to know! Approach the task of teaching your children as if you and your husband (or you by yourself) are the only ones who are doing this very important job! I have already alluded to Deuteronomy 6:6&7 a number of times on this blog, but let me add Proverbs 1:8 where it instructs a son to “hear the instruction” of his father and to “forsake not the law” of his mother. There are many more references to the teaching responsibility of the parent to the child in the book of Proverbs, but suffice it to say that you come away from reading that book with the thought that maybe that is the most important responsibility of a parent to his child! And of course, along with teaching is the job of training. They are kind of related to each other, but I believe that teaching gets God’s laws into the mind of your child and training gets the truth into their hearts and helps them to know how to behave based on those principles and truths. Now, I have heard many people, after the fact, say that Proverbs 22:6 cannot be taken literally because after all you never know what your child will do after he is out from under your care. And it is true that you don’t know what he will do after he leaves your home, but we need to dedicate ourselves to teaching and training them no matter the cost simply because God told us to! We don’t want to have to look back over our time with our children after they leave and see time after time when we put something else of our own desires ahead of our teaching and training our kids! Remember: You only get one chance to raise your children and we want to do it right the first time. After all, people are the ONLY thing we can take to Heaven with us and who would we want to bring to Heaven more than our own children! Next time I will talk about correcting your children, disciplining them, giving them your time, and several other topics related to your children. Many of these topics help us to do the training that we are instructed to do. Trust you are enjoying a great week and we will “talk” again soon!
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Our Family -- Memorial Day Traditions
I have been VERY busy for a few weeks, so I am sorry for the delay in postings a couple of times recently. We have been busy trying to get the spring work done. We are also trying to paint our living room and patch up some of the drywall mistakes that we made 35 years ago when we built our home! Anyway, it takes a lot of time and so I haven’t been able to keep posting as regularly as I would like.
I decided that with the Memorial Day holiday this weekend, I would focus on some things related to that. First of all, having grown up in a home of teachers and having been a teacher for a few years and having been married to a teacher for almost 38 years, Memorial Day has always held a special place in our hearts. Aside from the patriotic significance, Memorial Day always marked the “almost end” of the school year and it meant that soon we would all be “free”!!! So we always approached Memorial Day with much joy and anticipation of summer and the outings that would take place along with a trip that was always in the offing!
I will first touch on the patriotic significance and mention that though our country is having a multitude of issues now, we still live in the greatest country on earth and for that we should be VERY thankful!!! Having grown up in a home with a dad who fought in WW II (he was in the Pacific – Iwo Jima and Guam), I am very grateful for the men and women who gave their lives for our freedom! May we never forget the sacrifice of those patriots!
So the first tradition we had in our home when our children were growing up (and we still do it today with our grandchildren!) was to be sure we were up and ready to attend the parade that we always had in our small town. The parade was nothing to write home about, but the Vets always proudly carry the American flag and we wave our flags and clap for their bravery that still gives us chills in our spines even today! Then we walk the ¾ mile up to the cemetery where we stand and listen to the local high school band play the “Star Spangled Banner” and we hear a speaker share of the blessings of living in America before “Taps” is played along with a “21 Gun Salute”! It is all VERY moving and gives goose bumps to those of us who are still sensitive and thankful enough for the many ways that God has blessed our great country! Then the kids get to climb on the official cannon and the stack of 100 shells that was placed overlooking the “soldiers plot” in the cemetery in 1897.
The rest of the traditions that I will be talking about are more related to the fun part of just being together for the holiday and the food that accompanies our picnics on that day. One of the things we usually did that was not the favorite activity of the day for the kids, was planting the garden! We always had to kind of “bribe” the kids with the other fun activities of the day in order to get them to do the work with a happy face! Living here in Michigan necessitates our planting the annual plants on Memorial Day weekend or later in order to avoid losing them to late spring frosts.
After planting the gardens (flower and vegetable) there was always a fun picnic – usually in our own back yard to avoid the crowds that would surely be at Lake Michigan where we loved to go for many of our outings. There were usually some grandparents at our picnics, and if we were especially blessed, there might be some cousins, but there were always favorite foods that we could count on as part of our Memorial Day traditions! I am going to include some of our favorite recipes so that you can share them with us and get a “flavor” of what we enjoyed on Memorial Day!
I want to include three simple recipes that we often use on Memorial Day for our gatherings. One is for shish-ka-bobs, one for fruit pizza and one for refreshing summer punch.
I decided that with the Memorial Day holiday this weekend, I would focus on some things related to that. First of all, having grown up in a home of teachers and having been a teacher for a few years and having been married to a teacher for almost 38 years, Memorial Day has always held a special place in our hearts. Aside from the patriotic significance, Memorial Day always marked the “almost end” of the school year and it meant that soon we would all be “free”!!! So we always approached Memorial Day with much joy and anticipation of summer and the outings that would take place along with a trip that was always in the offing!
I will first touch on the patriotic significance and mention that though our country is having a multitude of issues now, we still live in the greatest country on earth and for that we should be VERY thankful!!! Having grown up in a home with a dad who fought in WW II (he was in the Pacific – Iwo Jima and Guam), I am very grateful for the men and women who gave their lives for our freedom! May we never forget the sacrifice of those patriots!
So the first tradition we had in our home when our children were growing up (and we still do it today with our grandchildren!) was to be sure we were up and ready to attend the parade that we always had in our small town. The parade was nothing to write home about, but the Vets always proudly carry the American flag and we wave our flags and clap for their bravery that still gives us chills in our spines even today! Then we walk the ¾ mile up to the cemetery where we stand and listen to the local high school band play the “Star Spangled Banner” and we hear a speaker share of the blessings of living in America before “Taps” is played along with a “21 Gun Salute”! It is all VERY moving and gives goose bumps to those of us who are still sensitive and thankful enough for the many ways that God has blessed our great country! Then the kids get to climb on the official cannon and the stack of 100 shells that was placed overlooking the “soldiers plot” in the cemetery in 1897.
The rest of the traditions that I will be talking about are more related to the fun part of just being together for the holiday and the food that accompanies our picnics on that day. One of the things we usually did that was not the favorite activity of the day for the kids, was planting the garden! We always had to kind of “bribe” the kids with the other fun activities of the day in order to get them to do the work with a happy face! Living here in Michigan necessitates our planting the annual plants on Memorial Day weekend or later in order to avoid losing them to late spring frosts.
After planting the gardens (flower and vegetable) there was always a fun picnic – usually in our own back yard to avoid the crowds that would surely be at Lake Michigan where we loved to go for many of our outings. There were usually some grandparents at our picnics, and if we were especially blessed, there might be some cousins, but there were always favorite foods that we could count on as part of our Memorial Day traditions! I am going to include some of our favorite recipes so that you can share them with us and get a “flavor” of what we enjoyed on Memorial Day!
I want to include three simple recipes that we often use on Memorial Day for our gatherings. One is for shish-ka-bobs, one for fruit pizza and one for refreshing summer punch.
SHISH-ka-BOBS
- Meat enough for your family – I use chicken, beef and hotdogs
Cut into pieces about one inch square - Vegetables enough for your family – I use green peppers, green onions and mushrooms
- Your favorite marinade – I make my own
- Cut everything and place in a large bowl with a cover. Pour marinade over the meat and let sit all together for at least 24 hours –the longer, the better
- On Memorial Day, place items on skewers and grill over your grill! (Sometimes the veggies cook more quickly than the meat, so it may be helpful to use separate skewers for the meat and the veggies.
FRUIT PIZZA
Make your favorite chocolate chip cookie dough. Flatten it out into 2 large circles on 2 large cookie sheets. Bake at 350 for 12 – 15 minutes. Cool.
Make topping using one pkg cream cheese, 8 oz. Cool whip and ½ cup powdered sugar. Spread over cooled cookie crust. Top with your favorite fruits, cleaned and cut. Cut into wedges and serve.
SUMMER PUNCH
Place one 12 oz. can of frozen orange juice in a large pitcher.
Use two mint tea bags to make about two cups of very strong mint tea.
Mix the above together and pour about two inches in a large glass. Fill glass to the top with Ginger Ale and ice and enjoy.
As I close this post, just let me say that kids LOVE tradition! Be sure you have lots of traditions that your children can carry with them! They love to talk to others and share the things they do “at their house”! Let your traditions be related to holidays or just to life, but have them!!!!
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Loving Your Children - Part VI
Discipline Your Children (continued)
In the last entry, I talked about reaching your child’s heart in your discipline. It is very important in all of your child rearing days that your goal is to reach your child’s heart. Discipline and training that is expressly for the purpose of changing behavior without reaching the heart is pretty ineffective in the big picture of discipline.
One point that I wanted to add to last week’s discussion, is to dispel the idea that is pervasive in today’s culture and that is the whole idea of “time outs” or what we used to call “grounding”, especially for young children. Now I don’t have any Bible verses that say that this type of discipline is not effective, but from my own personal experience and from seeing what happens in homes where this type of discipline is regularly practiced, I want to say that in general this type of discipline is pretty ineffective. First of all, though Scripture doesn’t say not to use the other, it does definitely come down in favor of physical discipline. Proverbs 13:24 says. “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him (his son) chasteneth him betimes (promptly NKJV).” This verse pretty much rules out long stretched out forms of discipline. Punishment needs to be swift and the relationship needs to be reinstated. When discipline is administered properly, there is a sense of a broken relationship that the child needs to have repaired as soon as possible. If there is a prolonged form of punishment, then it is that much longer before the relationship can be fully restored. One other principle has to do with the idea that as parents we get tired and we can get distracted in our goal and we can easily back off on following through with a long drawn out punishment. This sends the wrong signal to the children. It is usually better with young children to discipline with something that gets over soon and allows the relationship to resume normally.
Discipline, of course, involves more than physical punishment. Discipline involves teaching and training as well. You need to spend time building Godly habits into the lives of your children as well as punishing them when they do wrong. This refers back to something I said earlier and that is that child rearing takes time! It isn’t something that can be done in between all of the other activities of life. It needs to BE your life for as long as it takes. Your children are among the people that you would like to take to Heaven with you and that makes it worth the time! Mothering is a job, but it is more than a job, it is a way of life. It is never over and there are no vacations. But the rewards are better than time off and vacations!
One more issue that I would like to touch on before we leave this topic is to look out for the tricks (“foolishness”) that is “bound up in the heart of your child”. One of the initial lessons that must be learned by a child is the lesson of who is the boss. I want to keep this short, so I will just tell you that when you tell your child to do something, he needs to do it. He needs to do it now and he needs to do it the way you told him to do it! It is great fun for a child to determine how much of your command he needs to follow. There should be very RARE instances when things are open for negotiation. For instance, if you tell him to sit beside you on a chair, he shouldn’t be allowed to sit beside his friend on another chair without your permission. If you desire that he just sit down and you don’t care where, then don’t tell him to sit beside you. If you desire that he sit beside you and you tell him that, then he needs to be obedient and do just as you said. Children are very good at changing the instruction to fit their desires and to show a little bit of control. Don’t be fooled by that. Biblically, parents have control until it is gradually handed over to the child as he shows himself to be mature enough to handle it. Make sure that your children know that you are in charge and that you will give them authority for their own decisions as you see fit.
Well, I think I have covered the topics on loving your children as thoroughly as I plan to at this time. There are many more topics that could be covered, but I think that next time I will move on to something else. I trust these thoughts have been helpful and encouraging to you as you seek to raise Godly children for Him!
Thursday, May 3, 2007
Loving Your Child -- Part V
Discipline Your Child
Many of these topics that I am covering are topics that could fill many books, but I am trying to give the highlights in a very short form! This topic for today is one of those!
When we mention discipline, we all have differing ideas of what exactly that means. There isn’t a lot of Scripture that speaks directly to this issue, but there are many principles derived from Scripture that are very helpful.
One of the main principles that I have come to kind of understand over my years of raising children, is the principle of reaching the heart of the child. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 4:23 “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” Proverbs 2:10&11b tells us “When wisdom enters your heart, and knowledge is pleasant to your soul, discretion will preserve you…” We also know that “the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked…”, Jeremiah 17:9. So you see, the issue is the heart! We must find out how to reach the hearts of our children!
By shear difference in size and bulk, it is somewhat easy for a parent to force a young child to conform to his desires as parent. But what happens when that is the goal, to make kids do what we want them to do by simple force, there will come a time that all of your human efforts will fail and you will be left frustrated and bewildered.
The goal should be to reach into the child’s heart with teaching and patient understanding and firm discipline and seek God’s Holy Spirit to make changes in the heart that will transform the child for his lifetime. Outward changes that take place in behavior are very fleeting, but the inward changes of the heart brought about by the Holy Spirit will open that heart to God’s leading and influence in the life of that child. This is one of many reasons why secular counseling and rehab programs don’t work. They are focusing on changing life patterns from the outside and they are not working on changing the heart.
So, how do we change the heart of a child? The truth is that we can’t do that. We can only be the instruments God uses to accomplish that. So we need to look into God’s Word and find many verses that give us guidelines for that task and also the hope that it can indeed be done!
The first principle, and the only one that I will discuss today, is found in Proverbs 22:15. “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” To some this may seem like an unloving thing to do. However the Scripture says just the opposite. "He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly," Proverbs 13:25.
When we mention discipline, we all have differing ideas of what exactly that means. There isn’t a lot of Scripture that speaks directly to this issue, but there are many principles derived from Scripture that are very helpful.
One of the main principles that I have come to kind of understand over my years of raising children, is the principle of reaching the heart of the child. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 4:23 “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” Proverbs 2:10&11b tells us “When wisdom enters your heart, and knowledge is pleasant to your soul, discretion will preserve you…” We also know that “the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked…”, Jeremiah 17:9. So you see, the issue is the heart! We must find out how to reach the hearts of our children!
By shear difference in size and bulk, it is somewhat easy for a parent to force a young child to conform to his desires as parent. But what happens when that is the goal, to make kids do what we want them to do by simple force, there will come a time that all of your human efforts will fail and you will be left frustrated and bewildered.
The goal should be to reach into the child’s heart with teaching and patient understanding and firm discipline and seek God’s Holy Spirit to make changes in the heart that will transform the child for his lifetime. Outward changes that take place in behavior are very fleeting, but the inward changes of the heart brought about by the Holy Spirit will open that heart to God’s leading and influence in the life of that child. This is one of many reasons why secular counseling and rehab programs don’t work. They are focusing on changing life patterns from the outside and they are not working on changing the heart.
So, how do we change the heart of a child? The truth is that we can’t do that. We can only be the instruments God uses to accomplish that. So we need to look into God’s Word and find many verses that give us guidelines for that task and also the hope that it can indeed be done!
The first principle, and the only one that I will discuss today, is found in Proverbs 22:15. “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” To some this may seem like an unloving thing to do. However the Scripture says just the opposite. "He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly," Proverbs 13:25.
As we are all quite aware, spanking a child is not acceptable today and indeed could, if done at the wrong place at the wrong time, cause a person to spend some time in jail. However, as I have mentioned in the past, we are not under the laws of man and are ultimately accountable to God. We find the guidelines for our lives in God’s Word and if God tells us to spank our children, there must be good reason for that! Spanking needs to be done wisely and carefully and not indiscriminately. And since our culture is very down on spanking, there is no need to test the system and try spanking in the store! Keep up good communication with your children and let them know ahead of time that if they misbehave at the store, they WILL receive their punishment when they get home and then FOLLOW THROUGH! Children are usually three or four before they will purposely test your authority in the store, so by then they can understand the word “spank” and that should be a deterrent if you have used this method of discipline at home. In this area of spanking, consistency and follow-through are the foundational necessities! If you are not consistent and there is no follow-through, obedience will be very sporadic at best! And one more thing: make the spanking hurt! (This does NOT mean physical damage.) If they come out of the spanking and there are no tears, you probably didn’t accomplish much. And as you begin to reach their hearts effectively, there will be tears of remorse over the broken relationship even if the spanking didn’t hurt all that much.
Next time I will continue this discussion, but this gives you something to think about and a place to start. May God bless your family and may you raise Godly and obedient children for Him!!!
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Loving Your Children -- Part IV
Giving Your Time
Time is something that we can give to our children that doesn’t cost anything in the way of this world’s goods. And yet, it is so very misunderstood. Again, there is no verse in the Bible that commands us to give our time to our children, but the implications are that time is a very important thing we can give to them. I believe the best Scripture that makes this clear is Deuteronomy 6:5-9.
Verse 5 tells us that we must love the Lord with our whole heart, soul and strength. And then in verse 7 we are commanded to teach “these things” to our children diligently! We are to talk about them when we are in our homes, when we are out walking, when we go to bed and when we get up in the morning. This sounds like a lot of time to me! This means that we must be WITH our children in order to accomplish this task.
I do not claim to know all that is included in “these things”, but I believe that one of the things we are to talk about is God’s faithfulness in our lives and in the lives of our family – not just our present family, but to our ancestors and those in our extended family. In that same chapter, verses 20-25, we are told that if “your son” asks you about the meaning of the things he sees and hears they should be telling him of all that the Lord did for them (the Israelites) in delivering them from the Egyptians. And I think it is even wise and helpful for us to put things up around our homes (pictures, mementos, etc.) that will cause them to ask questions and give us opportunities to share things about their heritage. Praise the Lord if they have a Godly heritage, but if they don’t there is something else that you can do! That would be to have a prayer journal and keep track of your prayers and answers so that you can show them to your children frequently so that they can see God’s work in that area of your life and so they can know that you are busy establishing a Godly heritage to pass on to them and their children. The important thing is to let your children see that God is alive and active in our lives and that He works through His people and that He has a plan for them that He is bringing about through prayer and through their family heritage.
There is a lot that could be included here in this topic about time, but I just want to cover one more item at this time and that is in the area of something we all hear in the culture. If I could, I would ask how many of you have heard the idea that it is “not the quantity of the time, but the quality that matters”? I want to go on record right now that that statement is a lie and meant to deceive loving mothers who really desire to do the right thing, but also have other things that they desire to do with their time. That statement can make us feel very good about planning our time so that we fit in a fun time at the amusement park on Saturday or on a weekend trip when we are out the rest of the week doing things we enjoy or making money so that “our kids can have everything that they need to be accepted in this world”. There is no way that we can be obedient to the mandates in Deuteronomy 6 if we are out and about most of the week except for the time we are out having some “quality time” with our kids on the weekend. I am here to tell you that small children and even some older ones may not be able to put it into words, but they would much rather have your time and attention on a daily basis just being there and providing their needs, than to have all the “stuff” or the big “thrills” that the world can provide.
So, Moms, I pray that you will take these admonitions as coming from my heart to yours. If you can apply some of these Biblical principles, your life and the lives of your children will benefit greatly through living life at the pace that God, the Creator intended was best for us! Take a walk with your kids. Plan a picnic with them and look at all the flowers that are out this time of year. Let them “help” you bake some cookies. Just enjoy them and when the time comes that they leave your home, you will not have regrets and you will not be bemoaning the fact that the time was way too short because you were way too busy or way too otherwise occupied. You only have one opportunity to raise your children. Make it count for the Lord!!!
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