Our Family -- Memorial Day Traditions

I have been VERY busy for a few weeks, so I am sorry for the delay in postings a couple of times recently. We have been busy trying to get the spring work done. We are also trying to paint our living room and patch up some of the drywall mistakes that we made 35 years ago when we built our home! Anyway, it takes a lot of time and so I haven’t been able to keep posting as regularly as I would like.

I decided that with the Memorial Day holiday this weekend, I would focus on some things related to that. First of all, having grown up in a home of teachers and having been a teacher for a few years and having been married to a teacher for almost 38 years, Memorial Day has always held a special place in our hearts. Aside from the patriotic significance, Memorial Day always marked the “almost end” of the school year and it meant that soon we would all be “free”!!! So we always approached Memorial Day with much joy and anticipation of summer and the outings that would take place along with a trip that was always in the offing!

I will first touch on the patriotic significance and mention that though our country is having a multitude of issues now, we still live in the greatest country on earth and for that we should be VERY thankful!!! Having grown up in a home with a dad who fought in WW II (he was in the Pacific – Iwo Jima and Guam), I am very grateful for the men and women who gave their lives for our freedom! May we never forget the sacrifice of those patriots!

So the first tradition we had in our home when our children were growing up (and we still do it today with our grandchildren!) was to be sure we were up and ready to attend the parade that we always had in our small town. The parade was nothing to write home about, but the Vets always proudly carry the American flag and we wave our flags and clap for their bravery that still gives us chills in our spines even today! Then we walk the ¾ mile up to the cemetery where we stand and listen to the local high school band play the “Star Spangled Banner” and we hear a speaker share of the blessings of living in America before “Taps” is played along with a “21 Gun Salute”! It is all VERY moving and gives goose bumps to those of us who are still sensitive and thankful enough for the many ways that God has blessed our great country! Then the kids get to climb on the official cannon and the stack of 100 shells that was placed overlooking the “soldiers plot” in the cemetery in 1897.

The rest of the traditions that I will be talking about are more related to the fun part of just being together for the holiday and the food that accompanies our picnics on that day. One of the things we usually did that was not the favorite activity of the day for the kids, was planting the garden! We always had to kind of “bribe” the kids with the other fun activities of the day in order to get them to do the work with a happy face! Living here in Michigan necessitates our planting the annual plants on Memorial Day weekend or later in order to avoid losing them to late spring frosts.

After planting the gardens (flower and vegetable) there was always a fun picnic – usually in our own back yard to avoid the crowds that would surely be at Lake Michigan where we loved to go for many of our outings. There were usually some grandparents at our picnics, and if we were especially blessed, there might be some cousins, but there were always favorite foods that we could count on as part of our Memorial Day traditions! I am going to include some of our favorite recipes so that you can share them with us and get a “flavor” of what we enjoyed on Memorial Day!

I want to include three simple recipes that we often use on Memorial Day for our gatherings. One is for shish-ka-bobs, one for fruit pizza and one for refreshing summer punch.

SHISH-ka-BOBS

• Meat enough for your family – I use chicken, beef and hotdogs
  Cut into pieces about one inch square
• Vegetables enough for your family – I use green peppers, green onions and mushrooms
• Your favorite marinade – I make my own
• Cut everything and place in a large bowl with a cover. Pour marinade over the meat and let sit all together for at least 24 hours –the longer, the better
• On Memorial Day, place items on skewers and grill over your grill! (Sometimes the veggies cook more quickly than the meat, so it may be helpful to use separate skewers for the meat and the veggies.

FRUIT PIZZA

Make your favorite chocolate chip cookie dough. Flatten it out into 2 large circles on 2 large cookie sheets. Bake at 350 for 12 – 15 minutes. Cool.
Make topping using one pkg cream cheese, 8 oz. Cool whip and ½ cup powdered sugar. Spread over cooled cookie crust. Top with your favorite fruits, cleaned and cut. Cut into wedges and serve.

SUMMER PUNCH
Place one 12 oz. can of frozen orange juice in a large pitcher.
Use two mint tea bags to make about two cups of very strong mint tea.

Mix the above together and pour about two inches in a large glass. Fill glass to the top with Ginger Ale and ice and enjoy.

As I close this post, just let me say that kids LOVE tradition! Be sure you have lots of traditions that your children can carry with them! They love to talk to others and share the things they do “at their house”! Let your traditions be related to holidays or just to life, but have them!!!!

Loving Your Children - Part VI

Discipline Your Children (continued)

In the last entry, I talked about reaching your child’s heart in your discipline. It is very important in all of your child rearing days that your goal is to reach your child’s heart. Discipline and training that is expressly for the purpose of changing behavior without reaching the heart is pretty ineffective in the big picture of discipline.

One point that I wanted to add to last week’s discussion, is to dispel the idea that is pervasive in today’s culture and that is the whole idea of “time outs” or what we used to call “grounding”, especially for young children. Now I don’t have any Bible verses that say that this type of discipline is not effective, but from my own personal experience and from seeing what happens in homes where this type of discipline is regularly practiced, I want to say that in general this type of discipline is pretty ineffective. First of all, though Scripture doesn’t say not to use the other, it does definitely come down in favor of physical discipline. Proverbs 13:24 says. “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him (his son) chasteneth him betimes (promptly NKJV).” This verse pretty much rules out long stretched out forms of discipline. Punishment needs to be swift and the relationship needs to be reinstated. When discipline is administered properly, there is a sense of a broken relationship that the child needs to have repaired as soon as possible. If there is a prolonged form of punishment, then it is that much longer before the relationship can be fully restored. One other principle has to do with the idea that as parents we get tired and we can get distracted in our goal and we can easily back off on following through with a long drawn out punishment. This sends the wrong signal to the children. It is usually better with young children to discipline with something that gets over soon and allows the relationship to resume normally.

Discipline, of course, involves more than physical punishment. Discipline involves teaching and training as well. You need to spend time building Godly habits into the lives of your children as well as punishing them when they do wrong. This refers back to something I said earlier and that is that child rearing takes time! It isn’t something that can be done in between all of the other activities of life. It needs to BE your life for as long as it takes. Your children are among the people that you would like to take to Heaven with you and that makes it worth the time! Mothering is a job, but it is more than a job, it is a way of life. It is never over and there are no vacations. But the rewards are better than time off and vacations!

One more issue that I would like to touch on before we leave this topic is to look out for the tricks (“foolishness”) that is “bound up in the heart of your child”. One of the initial lessons that must be learned by a child is the lesson of who is the boss. I want to keep this short, so I will just tell you that when you tell your child to do something, he needs to do it. He needs to do it now and he needs to do it the way you told him to do it! It is great fun for a child to determine how much of your command he needs to follow. There should be very RARE instances when things are open for negotiation. For instance, if you tell him to sit beside you on a chair, he shouldn’t be allowed to sit beside his friend on another chair without your permission. If you desire that he just sit down and you don’t care where, then don’t tell him to sit beside you. If you desire that he sit beside you and you tell him that, then he needs to be obedient and do just as you said. Children are very good at changing the instruction to fit their desires and to show a little bit of control. Don’t be fooled by that. Biblically, parents have control until it is gradually handed over to the child as he shows himself to be mature enough to handle it. Make sure that your children know that you are in charge and that you will give them authority for their own decisions as you see fit.

Well, I think I have covered the topics on loving your children as thoroughly as I plan to at this time. There are many more topics that could be covered, but I think that next time I will move on to something else. I trust these thoughts have been helpful and encouraging to you as you seek to raise Godly children for Him!

Loving Your Child -- Part V

Discipline Your Child

Many of these topics that I am covering are topics that could fill many books, but I am trying to give the highlights in a very short form! This topic for today is one of those!

When we mention discipline, we all have differing ideas of what exactly that means. There isn’t a lot of Scripture that speaks directly to this issue, but there are many principles derived from Scripture that are very helpful.

One of the main principles that I have come to kind of understand over my years of raising children, is the principle of reaching the heart of the child. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 4:23 “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” Proverbs 2:10&11b tells us “When wisdom enters your heart, and knowledge is pleasant to your soul, discretion will preserve you…” We also know that “the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked…”, Jeremiah 17:9. So you see, the issue is the heart! We must find out how to reach the hearts of our children!

By shear difference in size and bulk, it is somewhat easy for a parent to force a young child to conform to his desires as parent. But what happens when that is the goal, to make kids do what we want them to do by simple force, there will come a time that all of your human efforts will fail and you will be left frustrated and bewildered.

The goal should be to reach into the child’s heart with teaching and patient understanding and firm discipline and seek God’s Holy Spirit to make changes in the heart that will transform the child for his lifetime. Outward changes that take place in behavior are very fleeting, but the inward changes of the heart brought about by the Holy Spirit will open that heart to God’s leading and influence in the life of that child. This is one of many reasons why secular counseling and rehab programs don’t work. They are focusing on changing life patterns from the outside and they are not working on changing the heart.

So, how do we change the heart of a child? The truth is that we can’t do that. We can only be the instruments God uses to accomplish that. So we need to look into God’s Word and find many verses that give us guidelines for that task and also the hope that it can indeed be done!

The first principle, and the only one that I will discuss today, is found in Proverbs 22:15. “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” To some this may seem like an unloving thing to do. However the Scripture says just the opposite. "He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly," Proverbs 13:25.

As we are all quite aware, spanking a child is not acceptable today and indeed could, if done at the wrong place at the wrong time, cause a person to spend some time in jail. However, as I have mentioned in the past, we are not under the laws of man and are ultimately accountable to God. We find the guidelines for our lives in God’s Word and if God tells us to spank our children, there must be good reason for that! Spanking needs to be done wisely and carefully and not indiscriminately. And since our culture is very down on spanking, there is no need to test the system and try spanking in the store! Keep up good communication with your children and let them know ahead of time that if they misbehave at the store, they WILL receive their punishment when they get home and then FOLLOW THROUGH! Children are usually three or four before they will purposely test your authority in the store, so by then they can understand the word “spank” and that should be a deterrent if you have used this method of discipline at home. In this area of spanking, consistency and follow-through are the foundational necessities! If you are not consistent and there is no follow-through, obedience will be very sporadic at best! And one more thing: make the spanking hurt! (This does NOT mean physical damage.) If they come out of the spanking and there are no tears, you probably didn’t accomplish much. And as you begin to reach their hearts effectively, there will be tears of remorse over the broken relationship even if the spanking didn’t hurt all that much.

Next time I will continue this discussion, but this gives you something to think about and a place to start. May God bless your family and may you raise Godly and obedient children for Him!!!

Loving Your Children -- Part IV

Giving Your Time

Time is something that we can give to our children that doesn’t cost anything in the way of this world’s goods. And yet, it is so very misunderstood. Again, there is no verse in the Bible that commands us to give our time to our children, but the implications are that time is a very important thing we can give to them. I believe the best Scripture that makes this clear is Deuteronomy 6:5-9.

Verse 5 tells us that we must love the Lord with our whole heart, soul and strength. And then in verse 7 we are commanded to teach “these things” to our children diligently! We are to talk about them when we are in our homes, when we are out walking, when we go to bed and when we get up in the morning. This sounds like a lot of time to me! This means that we must be WITH our children in order to accomplish this task.

I do not claim to know all that is included in “these things”, but I believe that one of the things we are to talk about is God’s faithfulness in our lives and in the lives of our family – not just our present family, but to our ancestors and those in our extended family. In that same chapter, verses 20-25, we are told that if “your son” asks you about the meaning of the things he sees and hears they should be telling him of all that the Lord did for them (the Israelites) in delivering them from the Egyptians. And I think it is even wise and helpful for us to put things up around our homes (pictures, mementos, etc.) that will cause them to ask questions and give us opportunities to share things about their heritage. Praise the Lord if they have a Godly heritage, but if they don’t there is something else that you can do! That would be to have a prayer journal and keep track of your prayers and answers so that you can show them to your children frequently so that they can see God’s work in that area of your life and so they can know that you are busy establishing a Godly heritage to pass on to them and their children. The important thing is to let your children see that God is alive and active in our lives and that He works through His people and that He has a plan for them that He is bringing about through prayer and through their family heritage.

There is a lot that could be included here in this topic about time, but I just want to cover one more item at this time and that is in the area of something we all hear in the culture. If I could, I would ask how many of you have heard the idea that it is “not the quantity of the time, but the quality that matters”? I want to go on record right now that that statement is a lie and meant to deceive loving mothers who really desire to do the right thing, but also have other things that they desire to do with their time. That statement can make us feel very good about planning our time so that we fit in a fun time at the amusement park on Saturday or on a weekend trip when we are out the rest of the week doing things we enjoy or making money so that “our kids can have everything that they need to be accepted in this world”. There is no way that we can be obedient to the mandates in Deuteronomy 6 if we are out and about most of the week except for the time we are out having some “quality time” with our kids on the weekend. I am here to tell you that small children and even some older ones may not be able to put it into words, but they would much rather have your time and attention on a daily basis just being there and providing their needs, than to have all the “stuff” or the big “thrills” that the world can provide.
So, Moms, I pray that you will take these admonitions as coming from my heart to yours. If you can apply some of these Biblical principles, your life and the lives of your children will benefit greatly through living life at the pace that God, the Creator intended was best for us! Take a walk with your kids. Plan a picnic with them and look at all the flowers that are out this time of year. Let them “help” you bake some cookies. Just enjoy them and when the time comes that they leave your home, you will not have regrets and you will not be bemoaning the fact that the time was way too short because you were way too busy or way too otherwise occupied. You only have one opportunity to raise your children. Make it count for the Lord!!!

Let's Take a Break and Make Muffins

I thought it would be good and fun to take a break from the very serious things we have all been dealing with this week and just have lunch! If you were to come to my home for lunch, chances are VERY high that I would serve you muffins of some kind as part of that lunch! I love muffins and so I thought I would share a couple of recipes with you today just for fun!

Old Fashioned Blueberry Muffins
(no mixer needed)
½ cup milk
¼ cup salad oil
1 egg
½ cup sugar
1 ½ cups flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon salt
1 – 1 ½ cups blueberries (fresh or frozen)
Stir milk, oil and egg together. Add dry ingredients and stir until just moistened. Gently stir in blueberries. ( frozen blueberries may make the batter turn somewhat blue, but the flavor is not damaged!) Fill 12 muffins cups that have been greased. Bake at 400 degrees for 20 – 25 minutes.

Chocolate Chip Muffins
(Makes 10 large muffins or 22 regular muffins)
1 stick butter or margarine
½ cup white sugar
½ cup brown sugar
1 ½ teaspoons vanilla
Cream the above.
3 eggs – add to above mixture
2 cups flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 cup sour cream
Mix dry ingredients and add alternately with the sour cream.
1 cup mini chocolate chips
Stir into above batter and mix well. Spoon batter into greased muffin cups and set aside.
TOPPING for muffins:
½ cup brown sugar
2 Tablespoons butter or margarine
2 Tablespoons flour
Mix with a fork until mixture resembles coarse meal.
1/3 cup mini chocolate chips
Add to above mixture and sprinkle over muffins. Bake at 350 degrees for about 15 to 25 minutes (depends on size of muffins). Check often after 15 min.

Loving Your Children -- Part III

Shielding Them

I am writing today on a topic that probably wouldn’t have come up this soon had it not been for the events that occurred on Monday, April, 16, 2007. It is hard to overlook this grave event and go on to any other topic. No, I am not going to write about the terribleness of what happened, but I am going to give my thoughts on how we as mothers and grandmothers can shield our children and grandchildren from the culture in which we live. Just as Jesus longed to gather the children in Jerusalem together “as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings” (Matthew 6:37), we need to gather our children and protect them from the wickedness of our culture!

I am sure that some of you are wondering how I am going to suggest that you shield your children from these things. Well, let me assure you that I am well aware that we cannot lock our kids or ourselves up in a room and throw away the key! I am suggesting, however, that we can do things that will give them the tools to be able to respond to events of this nature that WILL occur during their lifetimes. And if my predictions are correct, as I look back over the 59 years that I have been in this world, it appears to me that these events will occur with more and more frequency as we move along through this century!

First of all, don’t let your children have free reign over the television or computer! They don’t need to see any of the coverage of such events! (As far as that goes, we moms and grandmas don’t need to see all that much of the coverage either. Does it encourage or edify us to see all the details that the media thrusts upon us without warning? Does it cause us to think about things that are pure and honorable and lovely? Philippians 4:8) At this point, you might react with a comment about living in “the real world” and how children need to know what goes on in their world. I will respond with a question: Who determines what the real world is for your children? God’s Word says that “God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7) So if your children have fear, it is not from God. And to let them see any of the coverage of this type of event on the television (or to let them watch programming of any kind that instills fear) cannot be of God! So remember, when your friends or others say something about how maimed your children are going to be socially if they don’t know what is going on in the “real world”, let them know that the “real world” for your children is the one that God has helped you establish in your home through the guidance of His Word. And how do I know so much about this argument? It was used many times on our family as we raised our children and protected them from so many of the pitfalls that were prevalent during the ‘80’s and the ‘90’s.
I guess I won’t get to a second point today as I don’t want anyone to fall asleep reading when I know that many of you must work hard to carve out precious time to check on what is new on the computer. I will try to get back to this topic soon. Have a great week and don’t forget to pray for your children.

Loving Your Children - Part 2

Titus 2:3&4 “That the older women likewise…teach the young women to…love their children.”

“Pray without ceasing!” I Thessalonians 5:17. What does it mean to pray without ceasing? I wondered about that for many years, until I had children! There is something about raising children that taught me a lot about that verse!

God commands us to pray for all kinds of things, but until we have something for which we carry a great burden, praying is kind of perfunctory and usually done out of obligation or habit. I have thought for a long time that if having children doesn’t drive a Christian mother to pray, then we need to check to see if she is alive! Where does the burden come from? Well, as you look at the world around you and see what it is that your children will face as they grow up, it should strike you that without God’s personal intervention in their lives, there is little hope of maintaining a godly walk with the Lord. If we truly desire God to intervene and save their souls and give them strength to “stand” (Eph. 6:13), then we must spend much time on our knees.

There are many examples of godly mothers who spent time praying and saw God do great work in and through their children. God reminds us in James 5:17 that “The effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” Who would we want to benefit from our prayers more than our children?

I think it is important that your children know that you are praying for them. I think if they realize the importance that you place on prayer for them, that in itself will have a great effect on them. AND let them know when you receive answers to your prayers. Children need to know that God answers prayer and what better way than to let them know what you are praying and when you receive the answers?

When you pray together, let them hear you pray for them. Hopefully, praying together is an important part of each day in your home. If you have a husband who isn’t interested in this aspect of life, then take it upon yourself to do it. Remember the example of Timothy in the Bible who was won and grew up with the prayers of his mother and grandmother. (By the way, Grandmas, the kids need to know that you are praying for them as well.)

Start each day with an emphasis on prayer. We used to pray as we walked out the door on our way to take them to school. If there is any place where they need to be covered by your prayers, it is at school – no matter the kind! This season in their lives REALLY spurred me on to pray! We had had the kids in home school and Christian School, but when we put them into public high school, that is when my burden to pray for them really peaked! I with a friend even started a Moms in Touch group to help get mothers together for prayer that God would protect the hearts of our children as well as that we might have opportunities to reach the hearts of their teachers! It was a wonderful blessing and we had opportunities at the school that we would have never otherwise had! Some teachers even came to us a few times to give us prayer requests!

This just touches the surface, but the important thing is that you need to pray for your children, Moms! And it never stops! There will never be a time when you can think that your job in that area is finished! NEVER underestimate what God will do in honor of the prayers of a godly mother!

Just to update my last entry – our grandson came through surgery well, Praise the Lord. We had a good little trip over spring break and enjoyed the time with our son as his son went through this little medical event. There is nothing so rewarding than to see one of your children adopting your same priority on prayer or any other spiritual priority.

REMEMBER: “Be not weary in well-doing, for in due season you WILL reap if you faint not!” Galatians 6:9