Training Your Children -- Part 3

I have one more lesson for now on training your children, and it maybe should have been the first lesson as the other principles will go better if this one is in place. This principle has to do with training and teaching your child’s heart. There is an excellent book that I would highly recommend that deals with this topic and it is called; “Shepherding a Child’s Heart”, by Tedd Tripp.

You know, when children are born, they SEEM very innocent and sweet! And to some extent they are in that they have not yet chosen rationally to commit evil. However, one thing we need to remember as Christians is that God’s Word says that “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child…” Proverbs 22:15. (And it isn’t long after birth that we start to see the beginnings of some very obvious sinful attitudes!) We are also aware that when children are born, we parents are quite a bit bigger than they are, so by sheer force we can for a time make them do what we want them to do if we work at it a little. However, it is not our job as parents to just make our children look like “little Christians” on the outside. We are to help God do His work of bringing them to the point of regeneration and we are to work on changing them from the inside out so that the changed behavior will have life-long ramifications. It is not enough to just cause children to do certain things because they are aware in their heads that this is what Mom and Dad want me to do. We somehow need to get it into their hearts so that they have a heart to do the right thing and do it for a lifetime.

So, how do we accomplish this task? The first thing we need to do is to realize that a child’s heart is evil and needs to be changed. Genesis 8: 21 says, “…the imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth.” Our culture teaches that children are born pretty good and it is the environment that causes the evil that manifests itself in the lives of children. Once we realize and embrace the fact that our child’s heart is evil, we can then work to take care of that. If you look back at Proverbs 22:15, you see that the answer to the foolishness that is in the heart of a child is this: “…the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” Children need to learn that they are responsible for their behavior and that if they act in certain ways, there WILL be certain consequences. There are no quick fixes for the sin problem in children, but daily, consistent loving discipline including some physical punishment will send a message that God endorses since He is the One who authorized the concept of spanking, done in the proper way and with proper love and care.

Beyond the use of the “rod” to reach a child’s heart is the need for parents to be actively and emotionally and intimately involved in the life of their child. Children need your time ( not just the leftovers after you have worked and done all the things that are on your list of “necessary” activities). They need to see that you are willing to sacrifice some of your desires to meet their needs. You cannot reach their hearts with “stuff”. It isn’t a bad thing to give some meaningful things to your children, but don’t let that substitute for time and communication. You will get to know their hearts best by taking time each and every day to listen to them and give them some undivided attention. And nothing substitutes for a mother that is there every day meeting their needs in all areas; spiritual, emotional as well as physical.

Finally, I want to give one example to help you see what is meant by “shepherding \” their heart. Suppose you hear two of your children arguing over a toy and you go in to see what is going on. The first thing you would probably ask is: “Who had it first?” Well, that is probably how most of us would solve it as we are so focused in on what is “fair”. However, by the time you arrive on the scene, both children are probably displaying a very selfish attitude and it would be a good time to try to reach some hearts. They are both displaying an attitude that says, “I really don’t care how it affects my sibling, I want that toy and I want it more now that I know my sibling wants it!” So at this point, you have the opportunity to help the children understand selfishness and how we are taught in the Bible to “love one another” and to “be kind to one another”, etc. Now this may take some practice for you to get this kind of response into your daily acts of disciplining, but this is why it is so important for you to be there and be the one who deals with the daily activities in the lives of your children.

I pray that you will be able to reach the hearts of your children because if you teach and train them from the outside only, the changes will not be permanent. They will fall away when things get a bit tough and soon there will not be much left of the training you have worked to accomplish. Have a great week!