Discernment - Proverbs 22:6

We are working through some lessons inspired by the verse in Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” We have covered a couple of basic topics of Salvation and the fear of God. Another concept we need to train into our children is discernment, how to distinguish between right and wrong from a Biblical perspective.

The first principle that needs to be understood is that outside of Biblical guidelines, there is no “right” or “wrong”. For the Bible is the foundation of all that relates to God Who is the source of our knowledge of “right” and “wrong”. Apart from a knowledge of God, we are all left to decide what is right or wrong for ourselves. Your children must have this foundational understanding before they will be able to learn to discern.

I want to explain how to approach this teaching in a way that I hope you will understand. It is a way that is very clear to me, so I will try to describe it to you. I think that we need as parents, to build what I call a “grid” in the hearts and minds of our children. You see, there are many areas requiring discernment that come up in a day and it is hard to have a “discernment rule” for each circumstance. If we build a grid into the hearts and minds of our children, then when something comes up, if it doesn’t fit their “grid”, they will know how they should respond to it. A “grid” is basically a network of concepts and principles we all have to one extent or another, that we use to make daily decisions in life.

We have all heard the saying that “square pegs don’t fit into round holes”. Well, that is kind of like a “grid”. As our children are growing up, we need to teach them Godly Biblical principles. As we do this they can apply these principles to most or maybe all of the situations that will come up in life. And one principle that will cover those issues that may not be covered by the grid is this – If in doubt, don’t! (Romans 14:23) In other words if something isn’t clear based on the grid that is in my heart and mind, then it is probably best not to do the thing in question. An example of how a “grid” works is this: If we teach our children the principle in Psalm 101:3 (I will set no wicked thing before my eyes…), then when the TV is on and something comes on that is not uplifting, they will know that this is the kind of thing we should not watch. It is, of course, necessary that you teach them to be sensitive about what things are wicked in order for this to work, but I think that is very do-able as well. Teach them Biblical guidelines of how people should dress. Teach them Biblical behavior within the family and within the community. This requires that you spend a lot of time with them so that you can use every teachable moment. Watch TV with your children so they can see how you apply the principle taught in Psalm 101:3. This concept of discernment will not happen in five minute segments that fit between your work schedule and all the other things that you want to do for your own pleasure. It is a daily talking with them as you walk with them each and every day as stated in Deuteronomy 6.

Another Biblical principle is the one taught in Hebrews 10:25 where we are admonished not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together. If your children have been taught this principle in Word as well by example, then when something comes up that interferes with one of the scheduled services of the church, your children will know how to make the decision of which event takes priority. I hope these two examples (and there are many more) give you an idea of how to help your child construct a “grid”. You as the parent need to give them the tools from God’s Word and set the example in order to accomplish this, but it is worth the time and effort to reap the benefit of a child who knows how to discern for a lifetime!