Last week I started sharing some things that are on my heart and mind. Some of the material last week and some of the material this week is taken from the booklet: “The Look-Does God Really Care What I Wear?” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.
I will start today by sharing a quote by a 17th Century pastor, Richard Baxter, who said: “We must walk among sinful persons as you would do with a candle among straw or gun powder or else you may see the flame, which you did not foresee, when it is too late to quench it.” We are our brothers’ keepers and we are to look out for the welfare of our Christian brothers. Hebrews 10:24 says, “And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works.” Romans 15:1 says, “We then who are strong ought to bear with the scruples of the weak, and not to please ourselves.” We are to strengthen each other and “stir up good works”. We cannot do this by wearing things that cause impure or lustful thoughts in the minds of our brothers. We are not to defraud our brothers by creating in them expectations that we can’t/won’t righteously fulfill!
God’s plan in Creation was for the race to multiply. So in order to accomplish that, He created men to be very visual and to pursue and He made women to be very relational and to respond. With this in mind, it is our responsibility to handle these characteristics in a very godly and obedient manner. Proverbs 21:20 says that “the eyes of a man are never satisfied.” Along with these physical and sexual characteristics, God gave some natural barriers and protection such as embarrassment and naivety which our culture is working very hard to break down! If you want to see documented proof of this, you should take some time to read the book: “Christian Modesty and the Public Undressing of America” by Jeff Pollard. When our children were in High School, we went to a meeting in preparation for the year of “Sex Education” and we were told by someone who represented the local Health Department that one of their goals is to “break down the barriers between the genders and help them feel comfortable with each other when discussing all sexual matters!” Is it any wonder that the young teens feel very natural and comfortable having sexual contact at an early age! God placed those barriers there for our benefit and protection and it is up to us to guard that in our homes and by teaching our young girls how to dress!
At the risk of sounding too old fashioned (If you think I am old fashioned, you are right, but I carry that label proudly), I want to give some examples here of clothing that poses problems for our brothers. I think the easiest way would be to make a list, so here goes:
Anything that exposes intimate or alluring parts of our bodies such as low cut shirts or blouses. (According to men, breasts are the most alluring part of the female body.)
Anything that emphasizes intimate parts of the female body. (Some clothing is designed to draw eyes to a certain part of the body. Eyes should be drawn to our faces.)
Anything that teases with “just a hint” of exposure. Sometimes “teasing” is worse that full exposure.)
Tight clothing. “Clothing should be tight enough to show you are a woman, and loose enough to show you are a lady.”
Underwear that shows through clothing or that is designed to show. (Be careful of those white pants!)
Anything that is too low, too tight, too short or too sheer. If you wear “low rise” pants, then you need a long shirt! Or a short shirt should be accompanied with “high rise” pants!
I pray that each of us will resolve to please God, to bring glory to God, and to have a modest and pure heart!
Finally:
1. Don’t compare yourself with the wrong standard! The Bible is our standard!
2. We are God’s representatives, no matter what our age. Let’s dress for the occasion!
3. Save all your “treasures” for one man – your husband! Dress for HIM!!!
4. When someone looks at you, their eyes should be drawn to your face. That is where your joy and peace and beauty should be emanating from your inner beauty.
Checklist:
1. Bend over and see what happens to your hemline or to the meeting of your blouse and skirt.
2. Check skirt lengths and slits when you sit down.
3. Check to see how your arms fit in your sleeveless clothing. No one should be able to see in and out the other side.
4. Check to see how much can be seen through your clothing.
5. Bend over and see what happens at the top of your shirt or blouse.
“Lord, give me a modest heart! Let me be a woman of grace and love enough to protect my Christian brothers.”
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Modesty -- Part 2
Much of the material for this entry comes from a booklet by Nancy Leigh DeMoss called: “The Look – Does God Really Care What I Wear?” Nancy Leigh DeMoss is an excellent teacher and I highly recommend reading anything that you can get that is written by her. She also has a daily radio program called: “Revive Our Hearts”.
Last week, I tried to build a case for the discussion of Christian Modesty by quoting some material by Joshua Harris. It is my prayer and hope that we as Christian ladies will have enough desire to please God and enough love for our Christian brothers to do what we can to protect them and make things easier for them. We live in a culture that is very difficult for all of us, but it is especially difficult for our brothers who are trying to live a Godly life and continually have temptations thrown in their faces. We ladies need to realize that God has programmed males to be very visual, so it is normal for them to be stimulated by what they see. It is up to them to “flee temptation”, but it becomes increasingly difficult when they are faced at every turn with bodies that are not covered properly. I have heard some men say that they would just love it if they could come to church and feel “safe”, but to a great extent, that is not possible because even there some have taken on the “dress” of the culture and expose more than they should.
It is interesting to note as we start in Genesis with the first two people that they “were naked and were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:25). Then sin came along and their consciences were awakened and they knew that they were naked. (Genesis 3:7) They tried to cover themselves by making aprons out of fig leaves (Genesis 3:7), but God made them coats from the skins of animals (Genesis 3:21). It took the shedding of blood for God to cover them with those skins. Ever after that, clothing in the Bible is a picture of God covering our sins. It is interesting that as we “progress” as a culture, we are more and more reverting back to the original condition of nakedness that was the symbol of the awakening of the conscience as a result of sin.
There are three important principles that should govern our dress. The first one is the principle of “ownership”. We are not our own! (I Corinthians 6:19&20) We therefore do not have the right to dress any way we desire. The second principle is the principle of “Lordship”. (Romans 14:8&9) We cannot say, “I am not going to dress modestly, Lord.” (I Timothy 2:8&9). If we choose to disobey Him, then He is not our Lord at that point! And finally, we have the principle of “citizenship”. Romans 12:2 tells us not to be conformed to this world. That includes the way we dress. Also, I John 2:15 & 16 tells us not to love the world. We belong to a different Kingdom! “This world is NOT my home”! Praise the Lord! Every time we go out of our homes, it should be on our minds that we represent the God of the universe, the one Who gave Himself for us so that we don’t have to pay for our own sins! How can we go out wearing something that shows parts of our bodies that God says are to be covered – especially knowing that we may be defrauding (look in the last entry for an explanation of what it means to “defraud”) some young men (or older men) who are trying to keep their minds focused on Godly things! Here is a quote for you: “Women sin when they purposely or carelessly wear clothes that cause a man to sin”. Think about that and remember that we ARE “our brothers’ keeper”. Paul said that if meat would cause his brother to stumble, then he wouldn’t eat meat. How much more should we be willing to give up something that causes our brothers to sin!
Next week, I will continue this discussion on modesty. I am very passionate about this topic as I am very offended by women who dress in such a way as to cause difficulties for my husband or my sons or my grandkids! I feel like a “mother bear” on this topic, and I just pray that I can pass the passion on to each one who reads this and I hope you will pass it on as well! (Soon we will be finished with this topic and we can have some fun with recipes or something!)
Last week, I tried to build a case for the discussion of Christian Modesty by quoting some material by Joshua Harris. It is my prayer and hope that we as Christian ladies will have enough desire to please God and enough love for our Christian brothers to do what we can to protect them and make things easier for them. We live in a culture that is very difficult for all of us, but it is especially difficult for our brothers who are trying to live a Godly life and continually have temptations thrown in their faces. We ladies need to realize that God has programmed males to be very visual, so it is normal for them to be stimulated by what they see. It is up to them to “flee temptation”, but it becomes increasingly difficult when they are faced at every turn with bodies that are not covered properly. I have heard some men say that they would just love it if they could come to church and feel “safe”, but to a great extent, that is not possible because even there some have taken on the “dress” of the culture and expose more than they should.
It is interesting to note as we start in Genesis with the first two people that they “were naked and were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:25). Then sin came along and their consciences were awakened and they knew that they were naked. (Genesis 3:7) They tried to cover themselves by making aprons out of fig leaves (Genesis 3:7), but God made them coats from the skins of animals (Genesis 3:21). It took the shedding of blood for God to cover them with those skins. Ever after that, clothing in the Bible is a picture of God covering our sins. It is interesting that as we “progress” as a culture, we are more and more reverting back to the original condition of nakedness that was the symbol of the awakening of the conscience as a result of sin.
There are three important principles that should govern our dress. The first one is the principle of “ownership”. We are not our own! (I Corinthians 6:19&20) We therefore do not have the right to dress any way we desire. The second principle is the principle of “Lordship”. (Romans 14:8&9) We cannot say, “I am not going to dress modestly, Lord.” (I Timothy 2:8&9). If we choose to disobey Him, then He is not our Lord at that point! And finally, we have the principle of “citizenship”. Romans 12:2 tells us not to be conformed to this world. That includes the way we dress. Also, I John 2:15 & 16 tells us not to love the world. We belong to a different Kingdom! “This world is NOT my home”! Praise the Lord! Every time we go out of our homes, it should be on our minds that we represent the God of the universe, the one Who gave Himself for us so that we don’t have to pay for our own sins! How can we go out wearing something that shows parts of our bodies that God says are to be covered – especially knowing that we may be defrauding (look in the last entry for an explanation of what it means to “defraud”) some young men (or older men) who are trying to keep their minds focused on Godly things! Here is a quote for you: “Women sin when they purposely or carelessly wear clothes that cause a man to sin”. Think about that and remember that we ARE “our brothers’ keeper”. Paul said that if meat would cause his brother to stumble, then he wouldn’t eat meat. How much more should we be willing to give up something that causes our brothers to sin!
Next week, I will continue this discussion on modesty. I am very passionate about this topic as I am very offended by women who dress in such a way as to cause difficulties for my husband or my sons or my grandkids! I feel like a “mother bear” on this topic, and I just pray that I can pass the passion on to each one who reads this and I hope you will pass it on as well! (Soon we will be finished with this topic and we can have some fun with recipes or something!)
Friday, September 7, 2007
Modesty - Part 1
I can’t write the date of September 7 without remembering that it was 34 years ago today that I became a mother! And what a wonderful ride it has been! Happy Birthday, Tim!
I told you last week that I was going to talk about modesty today, and I will. I briefly covered some things related to this topic on June 2 when I was covering Titus 2. However, since then I did some more extensive study on the topic and taught it in our church Ladies Bible Study, so I want to cover it more thoroughly now.
This is a topic about which I am VERY passionate, and I pray that I can pass some of that passion on to those who read this. I first of all want to remind all of us that God created the genders and He created marriage and the normal attraction between the genders. He created men to be visually stimulated and to be attracted to females in a physical way in order that His design for marriage and reproduction might be fulfilled. (Genesis 2:24 and Malachi 2:15) He created females to be responsive and very relational in order that they might be able to love their husbands and nurture the children that are God’s intended fruit of that marriage union. So, the fact that men respond to the sensual manner of dress among women that we see flaunted so brazenly in our culture, is not a surprise to God and it shouldn’t be a surprise to us. It should however, be a caution to us as women to be careful how we dress so as not to defraud our Christian brothers (or those outside the Body who don’t even know how to control the stimulation they receive from seeing such things). (Just a note here on what it means to defraud someone – It is like placing several bowls of fine chocolate around my house and then telling me that I can’t have any! When we “tease” our Brothers by what we wear, but then there is no way, either righteously or any other way they can act upon their desires, we are defrauding them!)
Now one thing that we need to make perfectly clear is that men are totally and solely responsible for any acts of immorality that they commit! Women, however, sin when they consciously or carelessly place temptation before men (defraud) so as to cause them to lust sinfully! (I Thessalonians 4:1-6)
I would like to mention a few comments I heard on a tape called “Not Even a Hint” by Joshua Harris. (If you think you are familiar with that name, I will remind you that he is the young man who wrote the book, “I Kissed Dating Good-Bye”.) I trust that these thoughts stated by him will help make the case for why this is such an important issue and why we as Christian women need to be educated on this topic. I fear that, though some flaunt their bodies knowingly before men, many are just plain not aware of or simply don’t care how this affects men or of the mandates in Scripture concerning this very important issue!
Here are the statements from the tape, and though maybe not verbatim, they are close to direct quotes:
1. “Modesty is about saving the delight of your body for ONE man, your husband.”
2. “Modesty is a matter of the Heart, Life, and Manner of dress.”
3. “God has given women a precious and powerful gift.”
4. “The purity God calls us to is a ‘gift’ for us.”
5. “Sin has infected and affected everything that God created.”
6. “Our culture encourages women to flaunt their sexuality! Fashion trends exploit sexuality and emphasize sexual parts of the body.”
7. “You are the only person on this planet who can protect your spouse sexually.”
8. Then Josh quoted Al Mohler (President of the Southern Baptist Convention): “Men are tempted to give themselves to pornography, while women are tempted to commit pornography.” (Josh Harris: “When women dress in such a way so as to arouse sexual desire in a man, they are committing pornography.”)
My heart desires to share this material in a straightforward manner so as to cause us to be aware of the problem and to build up a love and concern for our Christian brothers that will manifest itself in our desire to protect them in any way we can and help to build them up spiritually (Romans 15:1; Hebrews 10:24) and not break down their defenses. Please pray about your response to this and let’s search the Scripture to see how we can accomplish this goal. Next week I will give more specific guidelines and Scripture that will help us to grow in this very important area.
I told you last week that I was going to talk about modesty today, and I will. I briefly covered some things related to this topic on June 2 when I was covering Titus 2. However, since then I did some more extensive study on the topic and taught it in our church Ladies Bible Study, so I want to cover it more thoroughly now.
This is a topic about which I am VERY passionate, and I pray that I can pass some of that passion on to those who read this. I first of all want to remind all of us that God created the genders and He created marriage and the normal attraction between the genders. He created men to be visually stimulated and to be attracted to females in a physical way in order that His design for marriage and reproduction might be fulfilled. (Genesis 2:24 and Malachi 2:15) He created females to be responsive and very relational in order that they might be able to love their husbands and nurture the children that are God’s intended fruit of that marriage union. So, the fact that men respond to the sensual manner of dress among women that we see flaunted so brazenly in our culture, is not a surprise to God and it shouldn’t be a surprise to us. It should however, be a caution to us as women to be careful how we dress so as not to defraud our Christian brothers (or those outside the Body who don’t even know how to control the stimulation they receive from seeing such things). (Just a note here on what it means to defraud someone – It is like placing several bowls of fine chocolate around my house and then telling me that I can’t have any! When we “tease” our Brothers by what we wear, but then there is no way, either righteously or any other way they can act upon their desires, we are defrauding them!)
Now one thing that we need to make perfectly clear is that men are totally and solely responsible for any acts of immorality that they commit! Women, however, sin when they consciously or carelessly place temptation before men (defraud) so as to cause them to lust sinfully! (I Thessalonians 4:1-6)
I would like to mention a few comments I heard on a tape called “Not Even a Hint” by Joshua Harris. (If you think you are familiar with that name, I will remind you that he is the young man who wrote the book, “I Kissed Dating Good-Bye”.) I trust that these thoughts stated by him will help make the case for why this is such an important issue and why we as Christian women need to be educated on this topic. I fear that, though some flaunt their bodies knowingly before men, many are just plain not aware of or simply don’t care how this affects men or of the mandates in Scripture concerning this very important issue!
Here are the statements from the tape, and though maybe not verbatim, they are close to direct quotes:
1. “Modesty is about saving the delight of your body for ONE man, your husband.”
2. “Modesty is a matter of the Heart, Life, and Manner of dress.”
3. “God has given women a precious and powerful gift.”
4. “The purity God calls us to is a ‘gift’ for us.”
5. “Sin has infected and affected everything that God created.”
6. “Our culture encourages women to flaunt their sexuality! Fashion trends exploit sexuality and emphasize sexual parts of the body.”
7. “You are the only person on this planet who can protect your spouse sexually.”
8. Then Josh quoted Al Mohler (President of the Southern Baptist Convention): “Men are tempted to give themselves to pornography, while women are tempted to commit pornography.” (Josh Harris: “When women dress in such a way so as to arouse sexual desire in a man, they are committing pornography.”)
My heart desires to share this material in a straightforward manner so as to cause us to be aware of the problem and to build up a love and concern for our Christian brothers that will manifest itself in our desire to protect them in any way we can and help to build them up spiritually (Romans 15:1; Hebrews 10:24) and not break down their defenses. Please pray about your response to this and let’s search the Scripture to see how we can accomplish this goal. Next week I will give more specific guidelines and Scripture that will help us to grow in this very important area.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Training Your Children -- Part 4
School is back in session in many places though here in Michigan schools are not to start before Labor Day. Anyway, the point of that is that things are moving back into a more scheduled routine. I will try to get back into writing an entry each week on my blog.
We have been covering some things about training your children. I am trying to give a balance between using Biblical principles and lessons from my own life experience as I go through this material. Hopefully, the lessons from my own experience bear out the truth of Scripture, so I pray that it is all very Biblical.
Last time, I talked about some things related to reaching a child’s heart. Today I want to add just one more short entry regarding the role we as parents play as far as making sure our hearts are right before we try to pass it on to our children.
Many of the things I have covered in the area of teaching and training are part of the answer to reach your child’s heart. However, before we can reach the heart of a child, we must have things in place in our own hearts! It takes a daily commitment from us as parents. We need to spend uninterrupted time (daily) with our children. We need to listen and be available when they are ready to talk. We need to watch behavior and be in tune with what is going on in their life and in their mind. We need to let them know that they are VERY important to us, not by how much stuff we give them, but how much of ourselves we give them. The ultimate goal, of course, is to see that child come to an understanding of his heart need to be regenerated by the Spirit of God. When he is at this point, God can begin His work of changing that child from the inside which is where he really needs to be changed. The bottom line is that Biblical parenting is a full time job. It takes all of our senses, our time, our energy, our prayers and we must sacrifice to see to it that our children are brought to the Savior. And yes, it must be first in OUR hearts. They must see in us a deep desire to please and honor God in the good times, in the tough times, when things are going well and when things are going poorly. They need to see a commitment to the reading and obeying of God’s Word, to prayer, to church attendance and involvement, and to daily living out the Biblical principles we teach to them. How we respond to life as parents will highly determine how our children will respond. Our faith must be real and vibrant or they will see right through us.
Hope this gives you some things to think about. I would love to converse about some of these things or answer questions if there are any. Have a great week and I hope to start a little “series” on modesty in the next entry.
We have been covering some things about training your children. I am trying to give a balance between using Biblical principles and lessons from my own life experience as I go through this material. Hopefully, the lessons from my own experience bear out the truth of Scripture, so I pray that it is all very Biblical.
Last time, I talked about some things related to reaching a child’s heart. Today I want to add just one more short entry regarding the role we as parents play as far as making sure our hearts are right before we try to pass it on to our children.
Many of the things I have covered in the area of teaching and training are part of the answer to reach your child’s heart. However, before we can reach the heart of a child, we must have things in place in our own hearts! It takes a daily commitment from us as parents. We need to spend uninterrupted time (daily) with our children. We need to listen and be available when they are ready to talk. We need to watch behavior and be in tune with what is going on in their life and in their mind. We need to let them know that they are VERY important to us, not by how much stuff we give them, but how much of ourselves we give them. The ultimate goal, of course, is to see that child come to an understanding of his heart need to be regenerated by the Spirit of God. When he is at this point, God can begin His work of changing that child from the inside which is where he really needs to be changed. The bottom line is that Biblical parenting is a full time job. It takes all of our senses, our time, our energy, our prayers and we must sacrifice to see to it that our children are brought to the Savior. And yes, it must be first in OUR hearts. They must see in us a deep desire to please and honor God in the good times, in the tough times, when things are going well and when things are going poorly. They need to see a commitment to the reading and obeying of God’s Word, to prayer, to church attendance and involvement, and to daily living out the Biblical principles we teach to them. How we respond to life as parents will highly determine how our children will respond. Our faith must be real and vibrant or they will see right through us.
Hope this gives you some things to think about. I would love to converse about some of these things or answer questions if there are any. Have a great week and I hope to start a little “series” on modesty in the next entry.
Training Your Children -- Part 3
I have one more lesson for now on training your children, and it maybe should have been the first lesson as the other principles will go better if this one is in place. This principle has to do with training and teaching your child’s heart. There is an excellent book that I would highly recommend that deals with this topic and it is called; “Shepherding a Child’s Heart”, by Tedd Tripp.
You know, when children are born, they SEEM very innocent and sweet! And to some extent they are in that they have not yet chosen rationally to commit evil. However, one thing we need to remember as Christians is that God’s Word says that “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child…” Proverbs 22:15. (And it isn’t long after birth that we start to see the beginnings of some very obvious sinful attitudes!) We are also aware that when children are born, we parents are quite a bit bigger than they are, so by sheer force we can for a time make them do what we want them to do if we work at it a little. However, it is not our job as parents to just make our children look like “little Christians” on the outside. We are to help God do His work of bringing them to the point of regeneration and we are to work on changing them from the inside out so that the changed behavior will have life-long ramifications. It is not enough to just cause children to do certain things because they are aware in their heads that this is what Mom and Dad want me to do. We somehow need to get it into their hearts so that they have a heart to do the right thing and do it for a lifetime.
So, how do we accomplish this task? The first thing we need to do is to realize that a child’s heart is evil and needs to be changed. Genesis 8: 21 says, “…the imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth.” Our culture teaches that children are born pretty good and it is the environment that causes the evil that manifests itself in the lives of children. Once we realize and embrace the fact that our child’s heart is evil, we can then work to take care of that. If you look back at Proverbs 22:15, you see that the answer to the foolishness that is in the heart of a child is this: “…the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” Children need to learn that they are responsible for their behavior and that if they act in certain ways, there WILL be certain consequences. There are no quick fixes for the sin problem in children, but daily, consistent loving discipline including some physical punishment will send a message that God endorses since He is the One who authorized the concept of spanking, done in the proper way and with proper love and care.
Beyond the use of the “rod” to reach a child’s heart is the need for parents to be actively and emotionally and intimately involved in the life of their child. Children need your time ( not just the leftovers after you have worked and done all the things that are on your list of “necessary” activities). They need to see that you are willing to sacrifice some of your desires to meet their needs. You cannot reach their hearts with “stuff”. It isn’t a bad thing to give some meaningful things to your children, but don’t let that substitute for time and communication. You will get to know their hearts best by taking time each and every day to listen to them and give them some undivided attention. And nothing substitutes for a mother that is there every day meeting their needs in all areas; spiritual, emotional as well as physical.
Finally, I want to give one example to help you see what is meant by “shepherding \” their heart. Suppose you hear two of your children arguing over a toy and you go in to see what is going on. The first thing you would probably ask is: “Who had it first?” Well, that is probably how most of us would solve it as we are so focused in on what is “fair”. However, by the time you arrive on the scene, both children are probably displaying a very selfish attitude and it would be a good time to try to reach some hearts. They are both displaying an attitude that says, “I really don’t care how it affects my sibling, I want that toy and I want it more now that I know my sibling wants it!” So at this point, you have the opportunity to help the children understand selfishness and how we are taught in the Bible to “love one another” and to “be kind to one another”, etc. Now this may take some practice for you to get this kind of response into your daily acts of disciplining, but this is why it is so important for you to be there and be the one who deals with the daily activities in the lives of your children.
I pray that you will be able to reach the hearts of your children because if you teach and train them from the outside only, the changes will not be permanent. They will fall away when things get a bit tough and soon there will not be much left of the training you have worked to accomplish. Have a great week!
You know, when children are born, they SEEM very innocent and sweet! And to some extent they are in that they have not yet chosen rationally to commit evil. However, one thing we need to remember as Christians is that God’s Word says that “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child…” Proverbs 22:15. (And it isn’t long after birth that we start to see the beginnings of some very obvious sinful attitudes!) We are also aware that when children are born, we parents are quite a bit bigger than they are, so by sheer force we can for a time make them do what we want them to do if we work at it a little. However, it is not our job as parents to just make our children look like “little Christians” on the outside. We are to help God do His work of bringing them to the point of regeneration and we are to work on changing them from the inside out so that the changed behavior will have life-long ramifications. It is not enough to just cause children to do certain things because they are aware in their heads that this is what Mom and Dad want me to do. We somehow need to get it into their hearts so that they have a heart to do the right thing and do it for a lifetime.
So, how do we accomplish this task? The first thing we need to do is to realize that a child’s heart is evil and needs to be changed. Genesis 8: 21 says, “…the imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth.” Our culture teaches that children are born pretty good and it is the environment that causes the evil that manifests itself in the lives of children. Once we realize and embrace the fact that our child’s heart is evil, we can then work to take care of that. If you look back at Proverbs 22:15, you see that the answer to the foolishness that is in the heart of a child is this: “…the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” Children need to learn that they are responsible for their behavior and that if they act in certain ways, there WILL be certain consequences. There are no quick fixes for the sin problem in children, but daily, consistent loving discipline including some physical punishment will send a message that God endorses since He is the One who authorized the concept of spanking, done in the proper way and with proper love and care.
Beyond the use of the “rod” to reach a child’s heart is the need for parents to be actively and emotionally and intimately involved in the life of their child. Children need your time ( not just the leftovers after you have worked and done all the things that are on your list of “necessary” activities). They need to see that you are willing to sacrifice some of your desires to meet their needs. You cannot reach their hearts with “stuff”. It isn’t a bad thing to give some meaningful things to your children, but don’t let that substitute for time and communication. You will get to know their hearts best by taking time each and every day to listen to them and give them some undivided attention. And nothing substitutes for a mother that is there every day meeting their needs in all areas; spiritual, emotional as well as physical.
Finally, I want to give one example to help you see what is meant by “shepherding \” their heart. Suppose you hear two of your children arguing over a toy and you go in to see what is going on. The first thing you would probably ask is: “Who had it first?” Well, that is probably how most of us would solve it as we are so focused in on what is “fair”. However, by the time you arrive on the scene, both children are probably displaying a very selfish attitude and it would be a good time to try to reach some hearts. They are both displaying an attitude that says, “I really don’t care how it affects my sibling, I want that toy and I want it more now that I know my sibling wants it!” So at this point, you have the opportunity to help the children understand selfishness and how we are taught in the Bible to “love one another” and to “be kind to one another”, etc. Now this may take some practice for you to get this kind of response into your daily acts of disciplining, but this is why it is so important for you to be there and be the one who deals with the daily activities in the lives of your children.
I pray that you will be able to reach the hearts of your children because if you teach and train them from the outside only, the changes will not be permanent. They will fall away when things get a bit tough and soon there will not be much left of the training you have worked to accomplish. Have a great week!
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Training Your Children - Part 2
Wow!!! We have been on a whirlwind summer! It has been wonderful and fun, but so very busy!!! Last weekend we were able to have our annual family camping trip in Southern Indiana. Our whole family met there at the Mounds State Recreation Area and we camped for three wonderful days! On Friday we took our whole family to the new “Answers in Genesis” Museum and it was a wonderful experience! Even the little ones, age 3 and 5, enjoyed it and it kept their interest! It is well worth the trip to go and see it! If you have any questions about it, feel free to write to me and ask. It was a real encouragement to see the whole picture of Creation to the Cross and on to the coming events and see how everything fits! Take it in if you can!
Now I will continue the discussion on training your children. Last time I covered the topics of teaching and training your children. Some of what I go over today will give direction to those endeavors. The first topic I want to cover relates to correcting and disciplining them. Proverbs has many verses concerning correcting your children, but the first verse I want to mention is Proverbs 22:15 where it says, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” (There is NO room for any kind of child abuse here and there is NO suggestion that there be any kind of permanent damage done.) The idea behind this verse is that God knows that spanking is sometimes needful and usually a very effective form of discipline and He even created a place on the body of your children where He intends for that to take place! (Other verses for you to look up are Proverbs 13:24; 19:18; 23:13; 29:17) Punishment should never take place just because your children embarrassed or frustrated you, but because of an offense to God! Childishness should not be punished unless it is a result of disobedience or some other offense to God or if it is something that could bring harm to themselves or others. And children should always know why they are being punished! And of course, all punishment should be given lovingly and consistently.
The next responsibility I will discuss is for you to cherish your children. I believe this has somewhat of a different connotation than loving your children. In I John 2, I was noticing that several times, John used the endearing term, “My little children”. That sounded like a term that meant he really cared for and cherished them! Your children need to know that they are VERY loved and taken care of! However you communicate to them, there should be times when you speak lovingly and just very tenderly to them of your love and their value to you. Following close behind that idea as the fact that one way you can demonstrate how much you cherish them is to listen and pay close attention when they speak to you! (Proverbs 27:23 and 29:15) And you need to know each child well enough to know when and where is their favorite place of communicating with you. You need to look at them when they are talking with you so that they can feel the security of knowing that they have your full attention. Don’t let the phone or anything else disrupt that time. You need to set aside all other things at some point each and every day to listen to your children. And if at all possible, be there when your children come home from school or other major activities in their lives. If they do their “talking” with the baby sitter, you may never hear what is going on in their lives and find out the things that are important to them. It is such a heartache when I hear parents say something of this nature; “My child was on drugs while he was living in my home and I didn’t know it!” That shouldn’t happen if you are accomplishing Biblical parenting.
Next week I will continue on this thought and suggest some thoughts concerning getting to know and understand and shepherding your child’s heart. Have a great week and I think I am home for the duration now, so there shouldn’t be as many interruptions.
Now I will continue the discussion on training your children. Last time I covered the topics of teaching and training your children. Some of what I go over today will give direction to those endeavors. The first topic I want to cover relates to correcting and disciplining them. Proverbs has many verses concerning correcting your children, but the first verse I want to mention is Proverbs 22:15 where it says, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” (There is NO room for any kind of child abuse here and there is NO suggestion that there be any kind of permanent damage done.) The idea behind this verse is that God knows that spanking is sometimes needful and usually a very effective form of discipline and He even created a place on the body of your children where He intends for that to take place! (Other verses for you to look up are Proverbs 13:24; 19:18; 23:13; 29:17) Punishment should never take place just because your children embarrassed or frustrated you, but because of an offense to God! Childishness should not be punished unless it is a result of disobedience or some other offense to God or if it is something that could bring harm to themselves or others. And children should always know why they are being punished! And of course, all punishment should be given lovingly and consistently.
The next responsibility I will discuss is for you to cherish your children. I believe this has somewhat of a different connotation than loving your children. In I John 2, I was noticing that several times, John used the endearing term, “My little children”. That sounded like a term that meant he really cared for and cherished them! Your children need to know that they are VERY loved and taken care of! However you communicate to them, there should be times when you speak lovingly and just very tenderly to them of your love and their value to you. Following close behind that idea as the fact that one way you can demonstrate how much you cherish them is to listen and pay close attention when they speak to you! (Proverbs 27:23 and 29:15) And you need to know each child well enough to know when and where is their favorite place of communicating with you. You need to look at them when they are talking with you so that they can feel the security of knowing that they have your full attention. Don’t let the phone or anything else disrupt that time. You need to set aside all other things at some point each and every day to listen to your children. And if at all possible, be there when your children come home from school or other major activities in their lives. If they do their “talking” with the baby sitter, you may never hear what is going on in their lives and find out the things that are important to them. It is such a heartache when I hear parents say something of this nature; “My child was on drugs while he was living in my home and I didn’t know it!” That shouldn’t happen if you are accomplishing Biblical parenting.
Next week I will continue on this thought and suggest some thoughts concerning getting to know and understand and shepherding your child’s heart. Have a great week and I think I am home for the duration now, so there shouldn’t be as many interruptions.
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Training Your Children
I am back from a wonderful vacation! God blessed us and we enjoyed 12 wonderful days away. We went to Upstate New York and camped on the St. Lawrence Seaway. I watched ships going back and forth on the Seaway from our campsite whenever we were at our campground and it was just a very relaxing time. We came across Canada on the way back to Michigan and the most stressful time of the trip occurred on that trip back! It took us almost two hours to go over the bridge and go through customs to get back into Michigan and we were riding on an almost empty gas tank (the beeper had already sounded telling us of our plight)! We were sitting on the top of the bridge over the mouth of Lake Huron praying and praying that we would not run out of gas and have to call for road service in the midst of the busy traffic trying to go across the bridge! God blessed and when we reached the other side, the gas gauge actually looked like there was more gas than when we started across! We were so thankful for that reminder that God loves and cares for every detail of our lives!
For the next few entries, I will be sharing some thoughts that relate to the Ladies’ Bible Study I am teaching at our church this summer. The lesson I am working on right now deals with teaching and training your children. So there will be at least one entry related to that and then there will be a lesson or two on modesty. I am teaching the Bible study from a book by Elizabeth George entitled, “God’s Wisdom for a Woman’s Life”. (If any of you are ever looking for good Bible Study books for women, I highly recommend Elizabeth George as a very good source of Biblically based books written for women!)
There are many principles in the Word of God which give us guidance in child rearing. Many of them are found in the book of Proverbs. I would like to start with the principle of teaching your children. First of all, it is a good idea for you to assume that your children will not be taught anything anywhere else. Now this is probably not true, but if you assume your children are learning God’s truth in church or Sunday School or any other place, it may make you a bit lax and you may not cover topics that your children need to know! Approach the task of teaching your children as if you and your husband (or you by yourself) are the only ones who are doing this very important job! I have already alluded to Deuteronomy 6:6&7 a number of times on this blog, but let me add Proverbs 1:8 where it instructs a son to “hear the instruction” of his father and to “forsake not the law” of his mother. There are many more references to the teaching responsibility of the parent to the child in the book of Proverbs, but suffice it to say that you come away from reading that book with the thought that maybe that is the most important responsibility of a parent to his child! And of course, along with teaching is the job of training. They are kind of related to each other, but I believe that teaching gets God’s laws into the mind of your child and training gets the truth into their hearts and helps them to know how to behave based on those principles and truths. Now, I have heard many people, after the fact, say that Proverbs 22:6 cannot be taken literally because after all you never know what your child will do after he is out from under your care. And it is true that you don’t know what he will do after he leaves your home, but we need to dedicate ourselves to teaching and training them no matter the cost simply because God told us to! We don’t want to have to look back over our time with our children after they leave and see time after time when we put something else of our own desires ahead of our teaching and training our kids! Remember: You only get one chance to raise your children and we want to do it right the first time. After all, people are the ONLY thing we can take to Heaven with us and who would we want to bring to Heaven more than our own children! Next time I will talk about correcting your children, disciplining them, giving them your time, and several other topics related to your children. Many of these topics help us to do the training that we are instructed to do. Trust you are enjoying a great week and we will “talk” again soon!
For the next few entries, I will be sharing some thoughts that relate to the Ladies’ Bible Study I am teaching at our church this summer. The lesson I am working on right now deals with teaching and training your children. So there will be at least one entry related to that and then there will be a lesson or two on modesty. I am teaching the Bible study from a book by Elizabeth George entitled, “God’s Wisdom for a Woman’s Life”. (If any of you are ever looking for good Bible Study books for women, I highly recommend Elizabeth George as a very good source of Biblically based books written for women!)
There are many principles in the Word of God which give us guidance in child rearing. Many of them are found in the book of Proverbs. I would like to start with the principle of teaching your children. First of all, it is a good idea for you to assume that your children will not be taught anything anywhere else. Now this is probably not true, but if you assume your children are learning God’s truth in church or Sunday School or any other place, it may make you a bit lax and you may not cover topics that your children need to know! Approach the task of teaching your children as if you and your husband (or you by yourself) are the only ones who are doing this very important job! I have already alluded to Deuteronomy 6:6&7 a number of times on this blog, but let me add Proverbs 1:8 where it instructs a son to “hear the instruction” of his father and to “forsake not the law” of his mother. There are many more references to the teaching responsibility of the parent to the child in the book of Proverbs, but suffice it to say that you come away from reading that book with the thought that maybe that is the most important responsibility of a parent to his child! And of course, along with teaching is the job of training. They are kind of related to each other, but I believe that teaching gets God’s laws into the mind of your child and training gets the truth into their hearts and helps them to know how to behave based on those principles and truths. Now, I have heard many people, after the fact, say that Proverbs 22:6 cannot be taken literally because after all you never know what your child will do after he is out from under your care. And it is true that you don’t know what he will do after he leaves your home, but we need to dedicate ourselves to teaching and training them no matter the cost simply because God told us to! We don’t want to have to look back over our time with our children after they leave and see time after time when we put something else of our own desires ahead of our teaching and training our kids! Remember: You only get one chance to raise your children and we want to do it right the first time. After all, people are the ONLY thing we can take to Heaven with us and who would we want to bring to Heaven more than our own children! Next time I will talk about correcting your children, disciplining them, giving them your time, and several other topics related to your children. Many of these topics help us to do the training that we are instructed to do. Trust you are enjoying a great week and we will “talk” again soon!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)