Teach Young Women to be Keepers at Home

Part I

Well, we are back home after a wonderful time in Minnesota. Our kids gave my husband and me a little “get away” to Minnesota for our 60th birthdays which are both this year. They planned a B & B for us along with some fun eating, dinner train, riverboat lunch, and even some spending money! We were very touched and thankful for their love and the way they ministered to our hearts!

Now we are back to the subject at hand. The verse is Titus 2:5 which tells the older women to “teach the younger women to be … keepers at home”. I am very passionate about this topic. I was listening to a message by John MacArthur on this topic once and he said, “What does it mean that women are to be keepers at home? It means that women are to be keepers at home!” It is pretty hard to misinterpret this one. I believe that there are several reasons why God encouraged women to be “keepers at home”. I will cover some today and the rest next week.

I do not think that there is a huge problem with women earning money. I do not believe that this is the reason for this teaching. After all, Lydia was a seller of purple and we know other women in Scripture who had opportunities to make money. I do believe, however, that if a woman is going find a way to earn some money, she needs to be very careful where she finds that opportunity.

Now I know that there are extenuating circumstances and different conditions in our culture that require some women to be out in the work force, but I also know that many women are in the work force for many other reasons which do not fall into the category of need! Now let me preface this with a thought that I think is Biblical and that is that I believe this is mainly speaking to younger women who have children growing up in their home. I think it is necessary for obvious reasons for single women to be out working and I think that if an older woman has a job where she can be used openly to promote God’s Kingdom, then these cases fall into a different category. Even in these cases, however, I think this should be approached with a great amount of discernment since we live in a culture where we need to always be on our toes because the prince of this world is always on the prowl for the purpose of destroying homes and families.

For instance, we live in a society where people in the work place think nothing of making relationships with people who are not their spouses and they get fooled into thinking that going out to lunch or having a cup of coffee with another woman’s husband is a very innocent event. Besides the consideration of the children in the home, (which I think I will consider next week as a specific topic) the opportunity for contact with the spouses of other people is one of the other main reasons that I think that God wrote what He did to women. Our eyes should be opened to this danger as we are hearing quite regularly about people who fall into sinful situations with people at work or in other situations where men and women spend a lot of time together. I don’t believe this mandate of women keeping the home only applies to work opportunities. There are many other ways this contact can occur if a woman is out and about too much away from her husband and vice versa. Now do you see why this topic relates to the one about being “chaste”? So, I believe that one good reason God told women to be “Keepers at home” was to preserve our marriages! He knows our sinful natures and He knew what would happen if men and women work 8 hours a day, five days a week in the same office! He knows how easy it is to look to someone else to meet our needs if we perceive that our needs aren’t being met by our spouses! This admonition is for all ladies, even those who are single and those who have raised their children. Be on guard at all times if you are working or otherwise spending time with the husbands of other women.

And if at all possible, don’t be out there at all! Don’t work just so you can have more “stuff” or because you think you are bored at home! This brings up another reason I believe that God told women to “Be keepers at home”. He has given women many ministries within and outside the Church (besides raising children) and many of them are not getting done because so many women have put “things” ahead of people. I have been home for 34 years and I can honestly say that I have never lacked for good things to do. The opportunities for ministry are endless and we just need to respond to God’s guidelines in Scripture and be available to Him and He will keep us busy!
Next week, I will revisit this topic of being a “keeper at home”. There are, of course, issues related to raising children and possibly being under the authority of a man who isn’t your husband. Have a great week and I am keeping you all in prayer.

Teach the Young Women to be Chaste - Titus 2:5

Wow! This is a monumental task in the culture in which we live! I am afraid I am going to be brutally honest on this one, Ladies! My children used to use the phrase, “Tell us what you REALLY think, Mom!” I think that you may concur with their assessment by the time I am finished with this one!

I am not sure if there is a misunderstanding of the meaning of the word “chaste” or what it is, but from looking around, it appears that women are really drawing a disconnect on this one! The word “chaste” (again according to Webster) means “not indulging in unlawful sexual activity; virtuous; modest: said especially of women, etc.; implies moral excellence; etc. applied in behavior, dress, speech as exhibiting purity.” Another verse that applies to this topic is in I Timothy 2: 9 where it says that women are to adorn themselves in “modest apparel”.

Most of us probably feel pretty good about the fact that we are not engaging in “unlawful sexual activity” and that is good, but there is so much more to the meaning of the word “chaste” and I would like to get very honest and personal in my teaching on this topic. Ladies, the only man we are Biblically allowed to try to attract is our husband! That means that when we dress in a way so as to attract anyone else, we are out of line with Scripture! You may think that you do not dress in order to attract anyone else, but may I remind you that God wired men so as to be attracted by what they see, and if we let them see more of us than God planned, we are committing an act of carelessness that is a sin against them by causing them to think on something that may cause sin in their life. I know the answer that some of you will respond with and that is “if they have a problem with what I wear, then it is their problem and not mine.” And they ARE responsible before God to guard their own minds, but as their Christian sisters, do we love them enough to be willing to give up our desires in order to help protect them? Our Christian brothers are bombarded on every side by sights that can cause them to lust in their hearts and many of them are trying very hard to avoid that sin, but it is a constant battle for them! I have heard some say that they wish that coming to church would be a safe haven for them and a place where they can relax from the battle and it is so disconcerting to them that they have to face the same struggles at church that they face at the mall.

May I be specific with some of the things that I am talking about? Today, Ladies, most clothing for women is just plain too low cut! I know, as I must shop in the same stores where you all shop! I know I have heard some women say that they can’t find anything else. Well, there are ways around that! When we raised our two girls, I had to get out my sewing machine more than once to sew something that was more modest than what we were able to find in the stores. It is particularly difficult through the early and late teen years. Another option is to just look through racks and racks of things and you will always find something that fits your need! You may not have as much choice as you like, but God has promised to supply our needs and He has ALWAYS more than supplied the needs of the ladies in our family! Another problem is that many clothes are designed so as to draw a person’s eyes to the wrong part of your body. Now, this is just my own personal opinion, but I believe that when a man looks at a woman, his eyes should be drawn to her face. Her demeanor and countenance should be such that she has a pleasant look on her face, and her clothing, or lack thereof, should not detract from her face! If your clothes are too low, too short, too tight, too sheer, or too “anything”, that will distract from the beauty of your face which should reflect your joy, your Godliness and your love for your Lord.

To sum it up, let’s pretend that we are going to a party where Jesus Christ is the guest of honor. How would you want to look when you are introduced to our Savior? Would you be ashamed if you were wearing some of the things that are in your closet? Would your hand immediately go across your chest to cover something that you wouldn’t want Him to see?

I am going to be away from my computer for a week or so, so I won’t be getting back to the next topic for a short time here. The next topic will relate to being a “keeper at home” and believe it or not, I believe that that topic actually relates to the one I just covered. Trust you are enjoying your summer and I look forward to sharing with you again soon! Please feel free to leave some input on this topic or any other topic! I would love to hear from you!

"...To Be Discreet..."

“…The older women likewise…that they teach the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet…” Titus 2: 3-5.

As we work our way through Titus 2, we have come to the third quality to be taught by the older women and that is to teach the young women to be discreet. A related word that we use more often would be the word “discretion”. I have looked up the word “discreet” in Websters Dictionary and it says “to be careful about what one says or does”. And since what is in our thoughts usually comes out our mouths, I would add to that to be careful what we think about. There are areas where I think we can all use some reminders as we walk through our lives.

I think one of the first things that would come to our minds would be in the area of gossip. Maybe we are all thinking that we are O.K. in this area as we don’t gossip maliciously. However, gossip is one of those things that can creep in and be very subtle and we are suddenly over the line. First of all, I don’t think that men are told to be “discreet”. I think that is significant as that tells me that God is implying that this is a problem that is more natural to ladies. I have been there, so I know the pitfalls that exist and I still watch my tongue at all times in order to keep ahead of this particular pitfall!

As ladies, we have our ways of gossiping that seem very “spiritual”. One of those ways is in the area of prayer. We can sometimes update everyone on the latest news by giving it in the form of a “prayer request”. Now there is nothing wrong with praying for a personal problem of one of our friends, but I kind of use the measuring stick of, “Would I be praying for this thing if I were all alone or is it more on my mind because I have an audience with whom to share it?”

I also sometimes share things with my husband under the guise of “I just need to tell someone!” Well, if it isn’t an uplifting piece of news and if it is not something that he needs to know, then I really don’t need to burden him down with it until or unless it comes to the time when he needs to know it. Of course, I never make a promise to hear something and NOT share it with my husband. You always need to be careful of something that is told to you if you are asked to promise not to tell your husband!

So far I have mentioned a couple of areas where we need to practice discretion in our conversation. There are also ways of being indiscreet in our actions.

Ladies, we live in a culture where we are encouraged to be like men! We can take their jobs, we can wear their clothes, we can talk their language and we can shout our views. Let’s remember that “gentle and quiet spirit which is very precious in the sight of God.” (I Peter 3:4) (I will probably take that verse up in more detail at some point.) Much of this kind of thinking comes from the media that we all take into our minds. Let’s be careful of what we allow into our minds. There is VERY little on television that is of any value to us and it definitely affects our thinking and we need to be very careful of how much mindless and Godless information we allow into our minds. We are told to “renew our minds” (Romans 12:2) (That topic will come into full discussion at some point as well.) But suffice it to say that you cannot renew your mind by taking in the information that is funneled into your home without using great discretion. I know! I used to think that if I watched something on television while my kids were napping, it was probably all right as “I was mature” and I knew how to handle things that weren’t good enough for the kids to watch. Well, I was wrong! If it is not “good enough” for the kids, it is off limits to me as well. Again, Psalm 100 says “I will set NO WICKED THING before my eyes.” And Ephesians 5:12 says “It is shameful to speak of those things which are done by them in secret.” So let’s be honest with ourselves and let’s refuse to let the culture dictate what thoughts control our minds! Filth, wickedness, unfaithfulness, adultery, immorality, argumentative spirits, disobedience of children, role reversals, etc. are all things that are off limits to Christians! Let’s think about things that are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, and good. (Philippians 4:8) This is the Biblical method for renewing your mind and thinking with true discretion!

There will be more later on renewing your mind, but for now, take one bite sized piece and work on it this week. Set one goal related to learning to be more discreet and let God give you strength and help to make one step in the right direction.

Our Family -- Memorial Day Traditions

I have been VERY busy for a few weeks, so I am sorry for the delay in postings a couple of times recently. We have been busy trying to get the spring work done. We are also trying to paint our living room and patch up some of the drywall mistakes that we made 35 years ago when we built our home! Anyway, it takes a lot of time and so I haven’t been able to keep posting as regularly as I would like.

I decided that with the Memorial Day holiday this weekend, I would focus on some things related to that. First of all, having grown up in a home of teachers and having been a teacher for a few years and having been married to a teacher for almost 38 years, Memorial Day has always held a special place in our hearts. Aside from the patriotic significance, Memorial Day always marked the “almost end” of the school year and it meant that soon we would all be “free”!!! So we always approached Memorial Day with much joy and anticipation of summer and the outings that would take place along with a trip that was always in the offing!

I will first touch on the patriotic significance and mention that though our country is having a multitude of issues now, we still live in the greatest country on earth and for that we should be VERY thankful!!! Having grown up in a home with a dad who fought in WW II (he was in the Pacific – Iwo Jima and Guam), I am very grateful for the men and women who gave their lives for our freedom! May we never forget the sacrifice of those patriots!

So the first tradition we had in our home when our children were growing up (and we still do it today with our grandchildren!) was to be sure we were up and ready to attend the parade that we always had in our small town. The parade was nothing to write home about, but the Vets always proudly carry the American flag and we wave our flags and clap for their bravery that still gives us chills in our spines even today! Then we walk the ¾ mile up to the cemetery where we stand and listen to the local high school band play the “Star Spangled Banner” and we hear a speaker share of the blessings of living in America before “Taps” is played along with a “21 Gun Salute”! It is all VERY moving and gives goose bumps to those of us who are still sensitive and thankful enough for the many ways that God has blessed our great country! Then the kids get to climb on the official cannon and the stack of 100 shells that was placed overlooking the “soldiers plot” in the cemetery in 1897.

The rest of the traditions that I will be talking about are more related to the fun part of just being together for the holiday and the food that accompanies our picnics on that day. One of the things we usually did that was not the favorite activity of the day for the kids, was planting the garden! We always had to kind of “bribe” the kids with the other fun activities of the day in order to get them to do the work with a happy face! Living here in Michigan necessitates our planting the annual plants on Memorial Day weekend or later in order to avoid losing them to late spring frosts.

After planting the gardens (flower and vegetable) there was always a fun picnic – usually in our own back yard to avoid the crowds that would surely be at Lake Michigan where we loved to go for many of our outings. There were usually some grandparents at our picnics, and if we were especially blessed, there might be some cousins, but there were always favorite foods that we could count on as part of our Memorial Day traditions! I am going to include some of our favorite recipes so that you can share them with us and get a “flavor” of what we enjoyed on Memorial Day!

I want to include three simple recipes that we often use on Memorial Day for our gatherings. One is for shish-ka-bobs, one for fruit pizza and one for refreshing summer punch.

SHISH-ka-BOBS

• Meat enough for your family – I use chicken, beef and hotdogs
  Cut into pieces about one inch square
• Vegetables enough for your family – I use green peppers, green onions and mushrooms
• Your favorite marinade – I make my own
• Cut everything and place in a large bowl with a cover. Pour marinade over the meat and let sit all together for at least 24 hours –the longer, the better
• On Memorial Day, place items on skewers and grill over your grill! (Sometimes the veggies cook more quickly than the meat, so it may be helpful to use separate skewers for the meat and the veggies.

FRUIT PIZZA

Make your favorite chocolate chip cookie dough. Flatten it out into 2 large circles on 2 large cookie sheets. Bake at 350 for 12 – 15 minutes. Cool.
Make topping using one pkg cream cheese, 8 oz. Cool whip and ½ cup powdered sugar. Spread over cooled cookie crust. Top with your favorite fruits, cleaned and cut. Cut into wedges and serve.

SUMMER PUNCH
Place one 12 oz. can of frozen orange juice in a large pitcher.
Use two mint tea bags to make about two cups of very strong mint tea.

Mix the above together and pour about two inches in a large glass. Fill glass to the top with Ginger Ale and ice and enjoy.

As I close this post, just let me say that kids LOVE tradition! Be sure you have lots of traditions that your children can carry with them! They love to talk to others and share the things they do “at their house”! Let your traditions be related to holidays or just to life, but have them!!!!

Loving Your Children - Part VI

Discipline Your Children (continued)

In the last entry, I talked about reaching your child’s heart in your discipline. It is very important in all of your child rearing days that your goal is to reach your child’s heart. Discipline and training that is expressly for the purpose of changing behavior without reaching the heart is pretty ineffective in the big picture of discipline.

One point that I wanted to add to last week’s discussion, is to dispel the idea that is pervasive in today’s culture and that is the whole idea of “time outs” or what we used to call “grounding”, especially for young children. Now I don’t have any Bible verses that say that this type of discipline is not effective, but from my own personal experience and from seeing what happens in homes where this type of discipline is regularly practiced, I want to say that in general this type of discipline is pretty ineffective. First of all, though Scripture doesn’t say not to use the other, it does definitely come down in favor of physical discipline. Proverbs 13:24 says. “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him (his son) chasteneth him betimes (promptly NKJV).” This verse pretty much rules out long stretched out forms of discipline. Punishment needs to be swift and the relationship needs to be reinstated. When discipline is administered properly, there is a sense of a broken relationship that the child needs to have repaired as soon as possible. If there is a prolonged form of punishment, then it is that much longer before the relationship can be fully restored. One other principle has to do with the idea that as parents we get tired and we can get distracted in our goal and we can easily back off on following through with a long drawn out punishment. This sends the wrong signal to the children. It is usually better with young children to discipline with something that gets over soon and allows the relationship to resume normally.

Discipline, of course, involves more than physical punishment. Discipline involves teaching and training as well. You need to spend time building Godly habits into the lives of your children as well as punishing them when they do wrong. This refers back to something I said earlier and that is that child rearing takes time! It isn’t something that can be done in between all of the other activities of life. It needs to BE your life for as long as it takes. Your children are among the people that you would like to take to Heaven with you and that makes it worth the time! Mothering is a job, but it is more than a job, it is a way of life. It is never over and there are no vacations. But the rewards are better than time off and vacations!

One more issue that I would like to touch on before we leave this topic is to look out for the tricks (“foolishness”) that is “bound up in the heart of your child”. One of the initial lessons that must be learned by a child is the lesson of who is the boss. I want to keep this short, so I will just tell you that when you tell your child to do something, he needs to do it. He needs to do it now and he needs to do it the way you told him to do it! It is great fun for a child to determine how much of your command he needs to follow. There should be very RARE instances when things are open for negotiation. For instance, if you tell him to sit beside you on a chair, he shouldn’t be allowed to sit beside his friend on another chair without your permission. If you desire that he just sit down and you don’t care where, then don’t tell him to sit beside you. If you desire that he sit beside you and you tell him that, then he needs to be obedient and do just as you said. Children are very good at changing the instruction to fit their desires and to show a little bit of control. Don’t be fooled by that. Biblically, parents have control until it is gradually handed over to the child as he shows himself to be mature enough to handle it. Make sure that your children know that you are in charge and that you will give them authority for their own decisions as you see fit.

Well, I think I have covered the topics on loving your children as thoroughly as I plan to at this time. There are many more topics that could be covered, but I think that next time I will move on to something else. I trust these thoughts have been helpful and encouraging to you as you seek to raise Godly children for Him!

Loving Your Child -- Part V

Discipline Your Child

Many of these topics that I am covering are topics that could fill many books, but I am trying to give the highlights in a very short form! This topic for today is one of those!

When we mention discipline, we all have differing ideas of what exactly that means. There isn’t a lot of Scripture that speaks directly to this issue, but there are many principles derived from Scripture that are very helpful.

One of the main principles that I have come to kind of understand over my years of raising children, is the principle of reaching the heart of the child. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 4:23 “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” Proverbs 2:10&11b tells us “When wisdom enters your heart, and knowledge is pleasant to your soul, discretion will preserve you…” We also know that “the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked…”, Jeremiah 17:9. So you see, the issue is the heart! We must find out how to reach the hearts of our children!

By shear difference in size and bulk, it is somewhat easy for a parent to force a young child to conform to his desires as parent. But what happens when that is the goal, to make kids do what we want them to do by simple force, there will come a time that all of your human efforts will fail and you will be left frustrated and bewildered.

The goal should be to reach into the child’s heart with teaching and patient understanding and firm discipline and seek God’s Holy Spirit to make changes in the heart that will transform the child for his lifetime. Outward changes that take place in behavior are very fleeting, but the inward changes of the heart brought about by the Holy Spirit will open that heart to God’s leading and influence in the life of that child. This is one of many reasons why secular counseling and rehab programs don’t work. They are focusing on changing life patterns from the outside and they are not working on changing the heart.

So, how do we change the heart of a child? The truth is that we can’t do that. We can only be the instruments God uses to accomplish that. So we need to look into God’s Word and find many verses that give us guidelines for that task and also the hope that it can indeed be done!

The first principle, and the only one that I will discuss today, is found in Proverbs 22:15. “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” To some this may seem like an unloving thing to do. However the Scripture says just the opposite. "He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly," Proverbs 13:25.

As we are all quite aware, spanking a child is not acceptable today and indeed could, if done at the wrong place at the wrong time, cause a person to spend some time in jail. However, as I have mentioned in the past, we are not under the laws of man and are ultimately accountable to God. We find the guidelines for our lives in God’s Word and if God tells us to spank our children, there must be good reason for that! Spanking needs to be done wisely and carefully and not indiscriminately. And since our culture is very down on spanking, there is no need to test the system and try spanking in the store! Keep up good communication with your children and let them know ahead of time that if they misbehave at the store, they WILL receive their punishment when they get home and then FOLLOW THROUGH! Children are usually three or four before they will purposely test your authority in the store, so by then they can understand the word “spank” and that should be a deterrent if you have used this method of discipline at home. In this area of spanking, consistency and follow-through are the foundational necessities! If you are not consistent and there is no follow-through, obedience will be very sporadic at best! And one more thing: make the spanking hurt! (This does NOT mean physical damage.) If they come out of the spanking and there are no tears, you probably didn’t accomplish much. And as you begin to reach their hearts effectively, there will be tears of remorse over the broken relationship even if the spanking didn’t hurt all that much.

Next time I will continue this discussion, but this gives you something to think about and a place to start. May God bless your family and may you raise Godly and obedient children for Him!!!

Loving Your Children -- Part IV

Giving Your Time

Time is something that we can give to our children that doesn’t cost anything in the way of this world’s goods. And yet, it is so very misunderstood. Again, there is no verse in the Bible that commands us to give our time to our children, but the implications are that time is a very important thing we can give to them. I believe the best Scripture that makes this clear is Deuteronomy 6:5-9.

Verse 5 tells us that we must love the Lord with our whole heart, soul and strength. And then in verse 7 we are commanded to teach “these things” to our children diligently! We are to talk about them when we are in our homes, when we are out walking, when we go to bed and when we get up in the morning. This sounds like a lot of time to me! This means that we must be WITH our children in order to accomplish this task.

I do not claim to know all that is included in “these things”, but I believe that one of the things we are to talk about is God’s faithfulness in our lives and in the lives of our family – not just our present family, but to our ancestors and those in our extended family. In that same chapter, verses 20-25, we are told that if “your son” asks you about the meaning of the things he sees and hears they should be telling him of all that the Lord did for them (the Israelites) in delivering them from the Egyptians. And I think it is even wise and helpful for us to put things up around our homes (pictures, mementos, etc.) that will cause them to ask questions and give us opportunities to share things about their heritage. Praise the Lord if they have a Godly heritage, but if they don’t there is something else that you can do! That would be to have a prayer journal and keep track of your prayers and answers so that you can show them to your children frequently so that they can see God’s work in that area of your life and so they can know that you are busy establishing a Godly heritage to pass on to them and their children. The important thing is to let your children see that God is alive and active in our lives and that He works through His people and that He has a plan for them that He is bringing about through prayer and through their family heritage.

There is a lot that could be included here in this topic about time, but I just want to cover one more item at this time and that is in the area of something we all hear in the culture. If I could, I would ask how many of you have heard the idea that it is “not the quantity of the time, but the quality that matters”? I want to go on record right now that that statement is a lie and meant to deceive loving mothers who really desire to do the right thing, but also have other things that they desire to do with their time. That statement can make us feel very good about planning our time so that we fit in a fun time at the amusement park on Saturday or on a weekend trip when we are out the rest of the week doing things we enjoy or making money so that “our kids can have everything that they need to be accepted in this world”. There is no way that we can be obedient to the mandates in Deuteronomy 6 if we are out and about most of the week except for the time we are out having some “quality time” with our kids on the weekend. I am here to tell you that small children and even some older ones may not be able to put it into words, but they would much rather have your time and attention on a daily basis just being there and providing their needs, than to have all the “stuff” or the big “thrills” that the world can provide.
So, Moms, I pray that you will take these admonitions as coming from my heart to yours. If you can apply some of these Biblical principles, your life and the lives of your children will benefit greatly through living life at the pace that God, the Creator intended was best for us! Take a walk with your kids. Plan a picnic with them and look at all the flowers that are out this time of year. Let them “help” you bake some cookies. Just enjoy them and when the time comes that they leave your home, you will not have regrets and you will not be bemoaning the fact that the time was way too short because you were way too busy or way too otherwise occupied. You only have one opportunity to raise your children. Make it count for the Lord!!!