Wow! I have been terribly busy for almost three weeks now, and I haven’t been able to find time to think about or write on my blog! I am hoping things will settle down now, so I am returning and will try to get back on track. We have had company, entertained grandchildren, visited our son in Dayton, been to the Dr. and dentist, etc.!
We started the topic of contentment last time and I would like to continue on that line today. Another important principle of teaching contentment to your children is to keep your home “low key”. Teach your children to enjoy the simple things of life. Make a big deal about things that you want them to enjoy like going for walks and picking flowers. Let them plant things in the garden and watch them grow. I learned very early on that my children would reflect me, so if I was happy, they were happy. If I was frustrated, they could soon be frustrated. The kids would enjoy the things that I enjoyed. Sometimes we underestimate how much we influence our children from a very early age. So, it is important for us as mothers to have responses that we desire our kids to have.
Since we are in the fall time of the year, we will soon be faced with several very different options of how to celebrate the “holidays” that are on the calendar. As I have come through the past several years of my life, it has become more and more important to me to celebrate Thanksgiving in a bigger way! Without getting into the moral or spiritual aspects of Halloween, may I just say that Halloween at best teaches those who participate in it a very selfish attitude about “getting”. There is a lot of greed involved in going around and asking for candy from everyone we can think of! Why not skip Halloween and move from fall to Thanksgiving. I mentioned in my last entry that teaching your children to be thankful is one good way to ward off discontent. So this will give you a very good way to teach this in a tangible way! After Labor Day is over we give it a couple of weeks and then we get out the Thanksgiving things and put out things that remind us of the blessings of God and how much we have for which to be thankful. I have noticed to my dismay that most stores skip right over Thanksgiving, so if you are taking your cues from them, you will miss Thanksgiving too. Thanksgiving doesn’t offer much in the way of revenue, so it is not on the calendar except as a “comma” between Halloween and Christmas which are the real money-makers.
Speaking of teaching your kids to be content, one thing you can do to encourage this is to teach them to serve others. It is good for them to see others who are in need so they realize they have some responsibility to minister to and share with them. Every fall in early October, I have my grandkids over to help me make cookies to distribute to some of the elderly and shut-ins that we know. So on October 2, I picked them up and they came over. I had cut out the cookies (maybe as they get a bit older, I will let them “help” me cut them out as well) in the shape of apples. Then as I frost them with red frosting and green leaves, the kids are responsible to put on some red sprinkles and red cinnamon candies. Then we pack plates and deliver them around town. This year we delivered ten plates in all. Of course there is the joy of the older people that delight in hugging the children or giving them a treat and when we get home, everyone can have a cookie with milk. It is a very special time for all of us and I just pray that this will be the beginning of teaching them to minister and give to people who are in need.
Children are not born being content. They are born with all kinds of needs and desires and the culture adds to that and soon we have children who are very self-centered and selfish. And there is no one thing you can teach them that will solve this problem. It takes a life time of teaching by example and helping them arrange their priorities. I have so many thoughts on this topic, but I pray that you can see the way to plant some seeds and I pray that you will see growth and fruit in your children and grandchildren.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Let's Raise Contented Children
Today is a new month and I am going to start a new topic! I have been dealing with some topics related to modesty and I am going to turn a corner today and share some thoughts about how to raise contented children. Just to justify the importance of this topic, you need to look up I Timothy 6:6: “Godliness with contentment is great gain.”
Contentment is a rare quality today, but it is one that can really make a difference in our whole life! In a culture where there are way too many choices for all of us, especially children, contentment is something we must learn or it won’t happen!
My daughter recently observed a party for children and she was very struck by the fact that the children were so outspoken about their likes and dislikes related to the food and other activities at the event. We need to remember that children learn by example and by teaching and when neither one is occurring properly, children will not pick up the qualities that they need in order to set them for a life characterized by contentment.
So how do we teach contentment? First of all, we need to model contentment for our children. If we are always trying to get and get and get more, then they will learn that is what life is all about. When we feel free to share openly about our likes and dislikes related to food or other basics of life, they will learn to share all the things they don’t like as well. I remember when our kids were young, we believed it was bad manners for children to come to the table, ours or anyone else’s, and talk about the food being or containing something they “don’t like”. In fact, we made a rule in our home that if someone complained about the food or asked what was in it so as to ascertain whether they would want to eat it, they would then have a slice of bread and a glass of water for that meal while the rest of us ate the meal along with the dessert. I think we only had to enforce that rule one time and it never happened again! It is also not wise for a mother to plan a meal that allows for each person to eat something different so that no one must eat anything that he doesn’t like. Food is only one small aspect of contentment, but it is an area where children think they can take control if they are allowed to get away with sharing their opinions.
Children can learn to try to control early if they are allowed to cry for things in the grocery store and see their desires met if they cry loud enough. If they know you are not going to spank or otherwise discipline them when you are out, they will learn very quickly that they can have anything they want in a grocery store. So how do you stop that in a climate where we don’t dare spank our kids in public? Well, as soon as the child tries that crying routine in the store, you very calmly explain to him that if he doesn’t stop that immediately, he will be punished when he arrives home. And then when he arrives home, you need to remember that promise you gave him and you need to carry through with something that he will NOT forget! (Spankings work well and I believe that is God’s punishment of choice.) You see, if a child receives an item in a store because he cries, he will learn by experience that he can get new toys, treats, etc. every time he goes to the store and you will begin to plant the seed of discontent in his heart because he can always have more if he can manipulate you by crying.
So the bottom line of the discussion today is that we as adults need to display the quality of contentment before our children if we expect them to learn how to be that way. We need to be thankful for the provisions of God and always be careful how we approach our meals at home and other places. There are some other principles that are important related to contentment, and we will continue on this topic in the next entry. As is often the case, I think that the basic approach to becoming content is to learn to be thankful!
Contentment is a rare quality today, but it is one that can really make a difference in our whole life! In a culture where there are way too many choices for all of us, especially children, contentment is something we must learn or it won’t happen!
My daughter recently observed a party for children and she was very struck by the fact that the children were so outspoken about their likes and dislikes related to the food and other activities at the event. We need to remember that children learn by example and by teaching and when neither one is occurring properly, children will not pick up the qualities that they need in order to set them for a life characterized by contentment.
So how do we teach contentment? First of all, we need to model contentment for our children. If we are always trying to get and get and get more, then they will learn that is what life is all about. When we feel free to share openly about our likes and dislikes related to food or other basics of life, they will learn to share all the things they don’t like as well. I remember when our kids were young, we believed it was bad manners for children to come to the table, ours or anyone else’s, and talk about the food being or containing something they “don’t like”. In fact, we made a rule in our home that if someone complained about the food or asked what was in it so as to ascertain whether they would want to eat it, they would then have a slice of bread and a glass of water for that meal while the rest of us ate the meal along with the dessert. I think we only had to enforce that rule one time and it never happened again! It is also not wise for a mother to plan a meal that allows for each person to eat something different so that no one must eat anything that he doesn’t like. Food is only one small aspect of contentment, but it is an area where children think they can take control if they are allowed to get away with sharing their opinions.
Children can learn to try to control early if they are allowed to cry for things in the grocery store and see their desires met if they cry loud enough. If they know you are not going to spank or otherwise discipline them when you are out, they will learn very quickly that they can have anything they want in a grocery store. So how do you stop that in a climate where we don’t dare spank our kids in public? Well, as soon as the child tries that crying routine in the store, you very calmly explain to him that if he doesn’t stop that immediately, he will be punished when he arrives home. And then when he arrives home, you need to remember that promise you gave him and you need to carry through with something that he will NOT forget! (Spankings work well and I believe that is God’s punishment of choice.) You see, if a child receives an item in a store because he cries, he will learn by experience that he can get new toys, treats, etc. every time he goes to the store and you will begin to plant the seed of discontent in his heart because he can always have more if he can manipulate you by crying.
So the bottom line of the discussion today is that we as adults need to display the quality of contentment before our children if we expect them to learn how to be that way. We need to be thankful for the provisions of God and always be careful how we approach our meals at home and other places. There are some other principles that are important related to contentment, and we will continue on this topic in the next entry. As is often the case, I think that the basic approach to becoming content is to learn to be thankful!
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Modesty -- Part III
Last week I started sharing some things that are on my heart and mind. Some of the material last week and some of the material this week is taken from the booklet: “The Look-Does God Really Care What I Wear?” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.
I will start today by sharing a quote by a 17th Century pastor, Richard Baxter, who said: “We must walk among sinful persons as you would do with a candle among straw or gun powder or else you may see the flame, which you did not foresee, when it is too late to quench it.” We are our brothers’ keepers and we are to look out for the welfare of our Christian brothers. Hebrews 10:24 says, “And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works.” Romans 15:1 says, “We then who are strong ought to bear with the scruples of the weak, and not to please ourselves.” We are to strengthen each other and “stir up good works”. We cannot do this by wearing things that cause impure or lustful thoughts in the minds of our brothers. We are not to defraud our brothers by creating in them expectations that we can’t/won’t righteously fulfill!
God’s plan in Creation was for the race to multiply. So in order to accomplish that, He created men to be very visual and to pursue and He made women to be very relational and to respond. With this in mind, it is our responsibility to handle these characteristics in a very godly and obedient manner. Proverbs 21:20 says that “the eyes of a man are never satisfied.” Along with these physical and sexual characteristics, God gave some natural barriers and protection such as embarrassment and naivety which our culture is working very hard to break down! If you want to see documented proof of this, you should take some time to read the book: “Christian Modesty and the Public Undressing of America” by Jeff Pollard. When our children were in High School, we went to a meeting in preparation for the year of “Sex Education” and we were told by someone who represented the local Health Department that one of their goals is to “break down the barriers between the genders and help them feel comfortable with each other when discussing all sexual matters!” Is it any wonder that the young teens feel very natural and comfortable having sexual contact at an early age! God placed those barriers there for our benefit and protection and it is up to us to guard that in our homes and by teaching our young girls how to dress!
At the risk of sounding too old fashioned (If you think I am old fashioned, you are right, but I carry that label proudly), I want to give some examples here of clothing that poses problems for our brothers. I think the easiest way would be to make a list, so here goes:
Anything that exposes intimate or alluring parts of our bodies such as low cut shirts or blouses. (According to men, breasts are the most alluring part of the female body.)
Anything that emphasizes intimate parts of the female body. (Some clothing is designed to draw eyes to a certain part of the body. Eyes should be drawn to our faces.)
Anything that teases with “just a hint” of exposure. Sometimes “teasing” is worse that full exposure.)
Tight clothing. “Clothing should be tight enough to show you are a woman, and loose enough to show you are a lady.”
Underwear that shows through clothing or that is designed to show. (Be careful of those white pants!)
Anything that is too low, too tight, too short or too sheer. If you wear “low rise” pants, then you need a long shirt! Or a short shirt should be accompanied with “high rise” pants!
I pray that each of us will resolve to please God, to bring glory to God, and to have a modest and pure heart!
Finally:
1. Don’t compare yourself with the wrong standard! The Bible is our standard!
2. We are God’s representatives, no matter what our age. Let’s dress for the occasion!
3. Save all your “treasures” for one man – your husband! Dress for HIM!!!
4. When someone looks at you, their eyes should be drawn to your face. That is where your joy and peace and beauty should be emanating from your inner beauty.
Checklist:
1. Bend over and see what happens to your hemline or to the meeting of your blouse and skirt.
2. Check skirt lengths and slits when you sit down.
3. Check to see how your arms fit in your sleeveless clothing. No one should be able to see in and out the other side.
4. Check to see how much can be seen through your clothing.
5. Bend over and see what happens at the top of your shirt or blouse.
“Lord, give me a modest heart! Let me be a woman of grace and love enough to protect my Christian brothers.”
I will start today by sharing a quote by a 17th Century pastor, Richard Baxter, who said: “We must walk among sinful persons as you would do with a candle among straw or gun powder or else you may see the flame, which you did not foresee, when it is too late to quench it.” We are our brothers’ keepers and we are to look out for the welfare of our Christian brothers. Hebrews 10:24 says, “And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works.” Romans 15:1 says, “We then who are strong ought to bear with the scruples of the weak, and not to please ourselves.” We are to strengthen each other and “stir up good works”. We cannot do this by wearing things that cause impure or lustful thoughts in the minds of our brothers. We are not to defraud our brothers by creating in them expectations that we can’t/won’t righteously fulfill!
God’s plan in Creation was for the race to multiply. So in order to accomplish that, He created men to be very visual and to pursue and He made women to be very relational and to respond. With this in mind, it is our responsibility to handle these characteristics in a very godly and obedient manner. Proverbs 21:20 says that “the eyes of a man are never satisfied.” Along with these physical and sexual characteristics, God gave some natural barriers and protection such as embarrassment and naivety which our culture is working very hard to break down! If you want to see documented proof of this, you should take some time to read the book: “Christian Modesty and the Public Undressing of America” by Jeff Pollard. When our children were in High School, we went to a meeting in preparation for the year of “Sex Education” and we were told by someone who represented the local Health Department that one of their goals is to “break down the barriers between the genders and help them feel comfortable with each other when discussing all sexual matters!” Is it any wonder that the young teens feel very natural and comfortable having sexual contact at an early age! God placed those barriers there for our benefit and protection and it is up to us to guard that in our homes and by teaching our young girls how to dress!
At the risk of sounding too old fashioned (If you think I am old fashioned, you are right, but I carry that label proudly), I want to give some examples here of clothing that poses problems for our brothers. I think the easiest way would be to make a list, so here goes:
Anything that exposes intimate or alluring parts of our bodies such as low cut shirts or blouses. (According to men, breasts are the most alluring part of the female body.)
Anything that emphasizes intimate parts of the female body. (Some clothing is designed to draw eyes to a certain part of the body. Eyes should be drawn to our faces.)
Anything that teases with “just a hint” of exposure. Sometimes “teasing” is worse that full exposure.)
Tight clothing. “Clothing should be tight enough to show you are a woman, and loose enough to show you are a lady.”
Underwear that shows through clothing or that is designed to show. (Be careful of those white pants!)
Anything that is too low, too tight, too short or too sheer. If you wear “low rise” pants, then you need a long shirt! Or a short shirt should be accompanied with “high rise” pants!
I pray that each of us will resolve to please God, to bring glory to God, and to have a modest and pure heart!
Finally:
1. Don’t compare yourself with the wrong standard! The Bible is our standard!
2. We are God’s representatives, no matter what our age. Let’s dress for the occasion!
3. Save all your “treasures” for one man – your husband! Dress for HIM!!!
4. When someone looks at you, their eyes should be drawn to your face. That is where your joy and peace and beauty should be emanating from your inner beauty.
Checklist:
1. Bend over and see what happens to your hemline or to the meeting of your blouse and skirt.
2. Check skirt lengths and slits when you sit down.
3. Check to see how your arms fit in your sleeveless clothing. No one should be able to see in and out the other side.
4. Check to see how much can be seen through your clothing.
5. Bend over and see what happens at the top of your shirt or blouse.
“Lord, give me a modest heart! Let me be a woman of grace and love enough to protect my Christian brothers.”
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Modesty -- Part 2
Much of the material for this entry comes from a booklet by Nancy Leigh DeMoss called: “The Look – Does God Really Care What I Wear?” Nancy Leigh DeMoss is an excellent teacher and I highly recommend reading anything that you can get that is written by her. She also has a daily radio program called: “Revive Our Hearts”.
Last week, I tried to build a case for the discussion of Christian Modesty by quoting some material by Joshua Harris. It is my prayer and hope that we as Christian ladies will have enough desire to please God and enough love for our Christian brothers to do what we can to protect them and make things easier for them. We live in a culture that is very difficult for all of us, but it is especially difficult for our brothers who are trying to live a Godly life and continually have temptations thrown in their faces. We ladies need to realize that God has programmed males to be very visual, so it is normal for them to be stimulated by what they see. It is up to them to “flee temptation”, but it becomes increasingly difficult when they are faced at every turn with bodies that are not covered properly. I have heard some men say that they would just love it if they could come to church and feel “safe”, but to a great extent, that is not possible because even there some have taken on the “dress” of the culture and expose more than they should.
It is interesting to note as we start in Genesis with the first two people that they “were naked and were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:25). Then sin came along and their consciences were awakened and they knew that they were naked. (Genesis 3:7) They tried to cover themselves by making aprons out of fig leaves (Genesis 3:7), but God made them coats from the skins of animals (Genesis 3:21). It took the shedding of blood for God to cover them with those skins. Ever after that, clothing in the Bible is a picture of God covering our sins. It is interesting that as we “progress” as a culture, we are more and more reverting back to the original condition of nakedness that was the symbol of the awakening of the conscience as a result of sin.
There are three important principles that should govern our dress. The first one is the principle of “ownership”. We are not our own! (I Corinthians 6:19&20) We therefore do not have the right to dress any way we desire. The second principle is the principle of “Lordship”. (Romans 14:8&9) We cannot say, “I am not going to dress modestly, Lord.” (I Timothy 2:8&9). If we choose to disobey Him, then He is not our Lord at that point! And finally, we have the principle of “citizenship”. Romans 12:2 tells us not to be conformed to this world. That includes the way we dress. Also, I John 2:15 & 16 tells us not to love the world. We belong to a different Kingdom! “This world is NOT my home”! Praise the Lord! Every time we go out of our homes, it should be on our minds that we represent the God of the universe, the one Who gave Himself for us so that we don’t have to pay for our own sins! How can we go out wearing something that shows parts of our bodies that God says are to be covered – especially knowing that we may be defrauding (look in the last entry for an explanation of what it means to “defraud”) some young men (or older men) who are trying to keep their minds focused on Godly things! Here is a quote for you: “Women sin when they purposely or carelessly wear clothes that cause a man to sin”. Think about that and remember that we ARE “our brothers’ keeper”. Paul said that if meat would cause his brother to stumble, then he wouldn’t eat meat. How much more should we be willing to give up something that causes our brothers to sin!
Next week, I will continue this discussion on modesty. I am very passionate about this topic as I am very offended by women who dress in such a way as to cause difficulties for my husband or my sons or my grandkids! I feel like a “mother bear” on this topic, and I just pray that I can pass the passion on to each one who reads this and I hope you will pass it on as well! (Soon we will be finished with this topic and we can have some fun with recipes or something!)
Last week, I tried to build a case for the discussion of Christian Modesty by quoting some material by Joshua Harris. It is my prayer and hope that we as Christian ladies will have enough desire to please God and enough love for our Christian brothers to do what we can to protect them and make things easier for them. We live in a culture that is very difficult for all of us, but it is especially difficult for our brothers who are trying to live a Godly life and continually have temptations thrown in their faces. We ladies need to realize that God has programmed males to be very visual, so it is normal for them to be stimulated by what they see. It is up to them to “flee temptation”, but it becomes increasingly difficult when they are faced at every turn with bodies that are not covered properly. I have heard some men say that they would just love it if they could come to church and feel “safe”, but to a great extent, that is not possible because even there some have taken on the “dress” of the culture and expose more than they should.
It is interesting to note as we start in Genesis with the first two people that they “were naked and were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:25). Then sin came along and their consciences were awakened and they knew that they were naked. (Genesis 3:7) They tried to cover themselves by making aprons out of fig leaves (Genesis 3:7), but God made them coats from the skins of animals (Genesis 3:21). It took the shedding of blood for God to cover them with those skins. Ever after that, clothing in the Bible is a picture of God covering our sins. It is interesting that as we “progress” as a culture, we are more and more reverting back to the original condition of nakedness that was the symbol of the awakening of the conscience as a result of sin.
There are three important principles that should govern our dress. The first one is the principle of “ownership”. We are not our own! (I Corinthians 6:19&20) We therefore do not have the right to dress any way we desire. The second principle is the principle of “Lordship”. (Romans 14:8&9) We cannot say, “I am not going to dress modestly, Lord.” (I Timothy 2:8&9). If we choose to disobey Him, then He is not our Lord at that point! And finally, we have the principle of “citizenship”. Romans 12:2 tells us not to be conformed to this world. That includes the way we dress. Also, I John 2:15 & 16 tells us not to love the world. We belong to a different Kingdom! “This world is NOT my home”! Praise the Lord! Every time we go out of our homes, it should be on our minds that we represent the God of the universe, the one Who gave Himself for us so that we don’t have to pay for our own sins! How can we go out wearing something that shows parts of our bodies that God says are to be covered – especially knowing that we may be defrauding (look in the last entry for an explanation of what it means to “defraud”) some young men (or older men) who are trying to keep their minds focused on Godly things! Here is a quote for you: “Women sin when they purposely or carelessly wear clothes that cause a man to sin”. Think about that and remember that we ARE “our brothers’ keeper”. Paul said that if meat would cause his brother to stumble, then he wouldn’t eat meat. How much more should we be willing to give up something that causes our brothers to sin!
Next week, I will continue this discussion on modesty. I am very passionate about this topic as I am very offended by women who dress in such a way as to cause difficulties for my husband or my sons or my grandkids! I feel like a “mother bear” on this topic, and I just pray that I can pass the passion on to each one who reads this and I hope you will pass it on as well! (Soon we will be finished with this topic and we can have some fun with recipes or something!)
Friday, September 7, 2007
Modesty - Part 1
I can’t write the date of September 7 without remembering that it was 34 years ago today that I became a mother! And what a wonderful ride it has been! Happy Birthday, Tim!
I told you last week that I was going to talk about modesty today, and I will. I briefly covered some things related to this topic on June 2 when I was covering Titus 2. However, since then I did some more extensive study on the topic and taught it in our church Ladies Bible Study, so I want to cover it more thoroughly now.
This is a topic about which I am VERY passionate, and I pray that I can pass some of that passion on to those who read this. I first of all want to remind all of us that God created the genders and He created marriage and the normal attraction between the genders. He created men to be visually stimulated and to be attracted to females in a physical way in order that His design for marriage and reproduction might be fulfilled. (Genesis 2:24 and Malachi 2:15) He created females to be responsive and very relational in order that they might be able to love their husbands and nurture the children that are God’s intended fruit of that marriage union. So, the fact that men respond to the sensual manner of dress among women that we see flaunted so brazenly in our culture, is not a surprise to God and it shouldn’t be a surprise to us. It should however, be a caution to us as women to be careful how we dress so as not to defraud our Christian brothers (or those outside the Body who don’t even know how to control the stimulation they receive from seeing such things). (Just a note here on what it means to defraud someone – It is like placing several bowls of fine chocolate around my house and then telling me that I can’t have any! When we “tease” our Brothers by what we wear, but then there is no way, either righteously or any other way they can act upon their desires, we are defrauding them!)
Now one thing that we need to make perfectly clear is that men are totally and solely responsible for any acts of immorality that they commit! Women, however, sin when they consciously or carelessly place temptation before men (defraud) so as to cause them to lust sinfully! (I Thessalonians 4:1-6)
I would like to mention a few comments I heard on a tape called “Not Even a Hint” by Joshua Harris. (If you think you are familiar with that name, I will remind you that he is the young man who wrote the book, “I Kissed Dating Good-Bye”.) I trust that these thoughts stated by him will help make the case for why this is such an important issue and why we as Christian women need to be educated on this topic. I fear that, though some flaunt their bodies knowingly before men, many are just plain not aware of or simply don’t care how this affects men or of the mandates in Scripture concerning this very important issue!
Here are the statements from the tape, and though maybe not verbatim, they are close to direct quotes:
1. “Modesty is about saving the delight of your body for ONE man, your husband.”
2. “Modesty is a matter of the Heart, Life, and Manner of dress.”
3. “God has given women a precious and powerful gift.”
4. “The purity God calls us to is a ‘gift’ for us.”
5. “Sin has infected and affected everything that God created.”
6. “Our culture encourages women to flaunt their sexuality! Fashion trends exploit sexuality and emphasize sexual parts of the body.”
7. “You are the only person on this planet who can protect your spouse sexually.”
8. Then Josh quoted Al Mohler (President of the Southern Baptist Convention): “Men are tempted to give themselves to pornography, while women are tempted to commit pornography.” (Josh Harris: “When women dress in such a way so as to arouse sexual desire in a man, they are committing pornography.”)
My heart desires to share this material in a straightforward manner so as to cause us to be aware of the problem and to build up a love and concern for our Christian brothers that will manifest itself in our desire to protect them in any way we can and help to build them up spiritually (Romans 15:1; Hebrews 10:24) and not break down their defenses. Please pray about your response to this and let’s search the Scripture to see how we can accomplish this goal. Next week I will give more specific guidelines and Scripture that will help us to grow in this very important area.
I told you last week that I was going to talk about modesty today, and I will. I briefly covered some things related to this topic on June 2 when I was covering Titus 2. However, since then I did some more extensive study on the topic and taught it in our church Ladies Bible Study, so I want to cover it more thoroughly now.
This is a topic about which I am VERY passionate, and I pray that I can pass some of that passion on to those who read this. I first of all want to remind all of us that God created the genders and He created marriage and the normal attraction between the genders. He created men to be visually stimulated and to be attracted to females in a physical way in order that His design for marriage and reproduction might be fulfilled. (Genesis 2:24 and Malachi 2:15) He created females to be responsive and very relational in order that they might be able to love their husbands and nurture the children that are God’s intended fruit of that marriage union. So, the fact that men respond to the sensual manner of dress among women that we see flaunted so brazenly in our culture, is not a surprise to God and it shouldn’t be a surprise to us. It should however, be a caution to us as women to be careful how we dress so as not to defraud our Christian brothers (or those outside the Body who don’t even know how to control the stimulation they receive from seeing such things). (Just a note here on what it means to defraud someone – It is like placing several bowls of fine chocolate around my house and then telling me that I can’t have any! When we “tease” our Brothers by what we wear, but then there is no way, either righteously or any other way they can act upon their desires, we are defrauding them!)
Now one thing that we need to make perfectly clear is that men are totally and solely responsible for any acts of immorality that they commit! Women, however, sin when they consciously or carelessly place temptation before men (defraud) so as to cause them to lust sinfully! (I Thessalonians 4:1-6)
I would like to mention a few comments I heard on a tape called “Not Even a Hint” by Joshua Harris. (If you think you are familiar with that name, I will remind you that he is the young man who wrote the book, “I Kissed Dating Good-Bye”.) I trust that these thoughts stated by him will help make the case for why this is such an important issue and why we as Christian women need to be educated on this topic. I fear that, though some flaunt their bodies knowingly before men, many are just plain not aware of or simply don’t care how this affects men or of the mandates in Scripture concerning this very important issue!
Here are the statements from the tape, and though maybe not verbatim, they are close to direct quotes:
1. “Modesty is about saving the delight of your body for ONE man, your husband.”
2. “Modesty is a matter of the Heart, Life, and Manner of dress.”
3. “God has given women a precious and powerful gift.”
4. “The purity God calls us to is a ‘gift’ for us.”
5. “Sin has infected and affected everything that God created.”
6. “Our culture encourages women to flaunt their sexuality! Fashion trends exploit sexuality and emphasize sexual parts of the body.”
7. “You are the only person on this planet who can protect your spouse sexually.”
8. Then Josh quoted Al Mohler (President of the Southern Baptist Convention): “Men are tempted to give themselves to pornography, while women are tempted to commit pornography.” (Josh Harris: “When women dress in such a way so as to arouse sexual desire in a man, they are committing pornography.”)
My heart desires to share this material in a straightforward manner so as to cause us to be aware of the problem and to build up a love and concern for our Christian brothers that will manifest itself in our desire to protect them in any way we can and help to build them up spiritually (Romans 15:1; Hebrews 10:24) and not break down their defenses. Please pray about your response to this and let’s search the Scripture to see how we can accomplish this goal. Next week I will give more specific guidelines and Scripture that will help us to grow in this very important area.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Training Your Children -- Part 4
School is back in session in many places though here in Michigan schools are not to start before Labor Day. Anyway, the point of that is that things are moving back into a more scheduled routine. I will try to get back into writing an entry each week on my blog.
We have been covering some things about training your children. I am trying to give a balance between using Biblical principles and lessons from my own life experience as I go through this material. Hopefully, the lessons from my own experience bear out the truth of Scripture, so I pray that it is all very Biblical.
Last time, I talked about some things related to reaching a child’s heart. Today I want to add just one more short entry regarding the role we as parents play as far as making sure our hearts are right before we try to pass it on to our children.
Many of the things I have covered in the area of teaching and training are part of the answer to reach your child’s heart. However, before we can reach the heart of a child, we must have things in place in our own hearts! It takes a daily commitment from us as parents. We need to spend uninterrupted time (daily) with our children. We need to listen and be available when they are ready to talk. We need to watch behavior and be in tune with what is going on in their life and in their mind. We need to let them know that they are VERY important to us, not by how much stuff we give them, but how much of ourselves we give them. The ultimate goal, of course, is to see that child come to an understanding of his heart need to be regenerated by the Spirit of God. When he is at this point, God can begin His work of changing that child from the inside which is where he really needs to be changed. The bottom line is that Biblical parenting is a full time job. It takes all of our senses, our time, our energy, our prayers and we must sacrifice to see to it that our children are brought to the Savior. And yes, it must be first in OUR hearts. They must see in us a deep desire to please and honor God in the good times, in the tough times, when things are going well and when things are going poorly. They need to see a commitment to the reading and obeying of God’s Word, to prayer, to church attendance and involvement, and to daily living out the Biblical principles we teach to them. How we respond to life as parents will highly determine how our children will respond. Our faith must be real and vibrant or they will see right through us.
Hope this gives you some things to think about. I would love to converse about some of these things or answer questions if there are any. Have a great week and I hope to start a little “series” on modesty in the next entry.
We have been covering some things about training your children. I am trying to give a balance between using Biblical principles and lessons from my own life experience as I go through this material. Hopefully, the lessons from my own experience bear out the truth of Scripture, so I pray that it is all very Biblical.
Last time, I talked about some things related to reaching a child’s heart. Today I want to add just one more short entry regarding the role we as parents play as far as making sure our hearts are right before we try to pass it on to our children.
Many of the things I have covered in the area of teaching and training are part of the answer to reach your child’s heart. However, before we can reach the heart of a child, we must have things in place in our own hearts! It takes a daily commitment from us as parents. We need to spend uninterrupted time (daily) with our children. We need to listen and be available when they are ready to talk. We need to watch behavior and be in tune with what is going on in their life and in their mind. We need to let them know that they are VERY important to us, not by how much stuff we give them, but how much of ourselves we give them. The ultimate goal, of course, is to see that child come to an understanding of his heart need to be regenerated by the Spirit of God. When he is at this point, God can begin His work of changing that child from the inside which is where he really needs to be changed. The bottom line is that Biblical parenting is a full time job. It takes all of our senses, our time, our energy, our prayers and we must sacrifice to see to it that our children are brought to the Savior. And yes, it must be first in OUR hearts. They must see in us a deep desire to please and honor God in the good times, in the tough times, when things are going well and when things are going poorly. They need to see a commitment to the reading and obeying of God’s Word, to prayer, to church attendance and involvement, and to daily living out the Biblical principles we teach to them. How we respond to life as parents will highly determine how our children will respond. Our faith must be real and vibrant or they will see right through us.
Hope this gives you some things to think about. I would love to converse about some of these things or answer questions if there are any. Have a great week and I hope to start a little “series” on modesty in the next entry.
Training Your Children -- Part 3
I have one more lesson for now on training your children, and it maybe should have been the first lesson as the other principles will go better if this one is in place. This principle has to do with training and teaching your child’s heart. There is an excellent book that I would highly recommend that deals with this topic and it is called; “Shepherding a Child’s Heart”, by Tedd Tripp.
You know, when children are born, they SEEM very innocent and sweet! And to some extent they are in that they have not yet chosen rationally to commit evil. However, one thing we need to remember as Christians is that God’s Word says that “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child…” Proverbs 22:15. (And it isn’t long after birth that we start to see the beginnings of some very obvious sinful attitudes!) We are also aware that when children are born, we parents are quite a bit bigger than they are, so by sheer force we can for a time make them do what we want them to do if we work at it a little. However, it is not our job as parents to just make our children look like “little Christians” on the outside. We are to help God do His work of bringing them to the point of regeneration and we are to work on changing them from the inside out so that the changed behavior will have life-long ramifications. It is not enough to just cause children to do certain things because they are aware in their heads that this is what Mom and Dad want me to do. We somehow need to get it into their hearts so that they have a heart to do the right thing and do it for a lifetime.
So, how do we accomplish this task? The first thing we need to do is to realize that a child’s heart is evil and needs to be changed. Genesis 8: 21 says, “…the imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth.” Our culture teaches that children are born pretty good and it is the environment that causes the evil that manifests itself in the lives of children. Once we realize and embrace the fact that our child’s heart is evil, we can then work to take care of that. If you look back at Proverbs 22:15, you see that the answer to the foolishness that is in the heart of a child is this: “…the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” Children need to learn that they are responsible for their behavior and that if they act in certain ways, there WILL be certain consequences. There are no quick fixes for the sin problem in children, but daily, consistent loving discipline including some physical punishment will send a message that God endorses since He is the One who authorized the concept of spanking, done in the proper way and with proper love and care.
Beyond the use of the “rod” to reach a child’s heart is the need for parents to be actively and emotionally and intimately involved in the life of their child. Children need your time ( not just the leftovers after you have worked and done all the things that are on your list of “necessary” activities). They need to see that you are willing to sacrifice some of your desires to meet their needs. You cannot reach their hearts with “stuff”. It isn’t a bad thing to give some meaningful things to your children, but don’t let that substitute for time and communication. You will get to know their hearts best by taking time each and every day to listen to them and give them some undivided attention. And nothing substitutes for a mother that is there every day meeting their needs in all areas; spiritual, emotional as well as physical.
Finally, I want to give one example to help you see what is meant by “shepherding \” their heart. Suppose you hear two of your children arguing over a toy and you go in to see what is going on. The first thing you would probably ask is: “Who had it first?” Well, that is probably how most of us would solve it as we are so focused in on what is “fair”. However, by the time you arrive on the scene, both children are probably displaying a very selfish attitude and it would be a good time to try to reach some hearts. They are both displaying an attitude that says, “I really don’t care how it affects my sibling, I want that toy and I want it more now that I know my sibling wants it!” So at this point, you have the opportunity to help the children understand selfishness and how we are taught in the Bible to “love one another” and to “be kind to one another”, etc. Now this may take some practice for you to get this kind of response into your daily acts of disciplining, but this is why it is so important for you to be there and be the one who deals with the daily activities in the lives of your children.
I pray that you will be able to reach the hearts of your children because if you teach and train them from the outside only, the changes will not be permanent. They will fall away when things get a bit tough and soon there will not be much left of the training you have worked to accomplish. Have a great week!
You know, when children are born, they SEEM very innocent and sweet! And to some extent they are in that they have not yet chosen rationally to commit evil. However, one thing we need to remember as Christians is that God’s Word says that “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child…” Proverbs 22:15. (And it isn’t long after birth that we start to see the beginnings of some very obvious sinful attitudes!) We are also aware that when children are born, we parents are quite a bit bigger than they are, so by sheer force we can for a time make them do what we want them to do if we work at it a little. However, it is not our job as parents to just make our children look like “little Christians” on the outside. We are to help God do His work of bringing them to the point of regeneration and we are to work on changing them from the inside out so that the changed behavior will have life-long ramifications. It is not enough to just cause children to do certain things because they are aware in their heads that this is what Mom and Dad want me to do. We somehow need to get it into their hearts so that they have a heart to do the right thing and do it for a lifetime.
So, how do we accomplish this task? The first thing we need to do is to realize that a child’s heart is evil and needs to be changed. Genesis 8: 21 says, “…the imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth.” Our culture teaches that children are born pretty good and it is the environment that causes the evil that manifests itself in the lives of children. Once we realize and embrace the fact that our child’s heart is evil, we can then work to take care of that. If you look back at Proverbs 22:15, you see that the answer to the foolishness that is in the heart of a child is this: “…the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” Children need to learn that they are responsible for their behavior and that if they act in certain ways, there WILL be certain consequences. There are no quick fixes for the sin problem in children, but daily, consistent loving discipline including some physical punishment will send a message that God endorses since He is the One who authorized the concept of spanking, done in the proper way and with proper love and care.
Beyond the use of the “rod” to reach a child’s heart is the need for parents to be actively and emotionally and intimately involved in the life of their child. Children need your time ( not just the leftovers after you have worked and done all the things that are on your list of “necessary” activities). They need to see that you are willing to sacrifice some of your desires to meet their needs. You cannot reach their hearts with “stuff”. It isn’t a bad thing to give some meaningful things to your children, but don’t let that substitute for time and communication. You will get to know their hearts best by taking time each and every day to listen to them and give them some undivided attention. And nothing substitutes for a mother that is there every day meeting their needs in all areas; spiritual, emotional as well as physical.
Finally, I want to give one example to help you see what is meant by “shepherding \” their heart. Suppose you hear two of your children arguing over a toy and you go in to see what is going on. The first thing you would probably ask is: “Who had it first?” Well, that is probably how most of us would solve it as we are so focused in on what is “fair”. However, by the time you arrive on the scene, both children are probably displaying a very selfish attitude and it would be a good time to try to reach some hearts. They are both displaying an attitude that says, “I really don’t care how it affects my sibling, I want that toy and I want it more now that I know my sibling wants it!” So at this point, you have the opportunity to help the children understand selfishness and how we are taught in the Bible to “love one another” and to “be kind to one another”, etc. Now this may take some practice for you to get this kind of response into your daily acts of disciplining, but this is why it is so important for you to be there and be the one who deals with the daily activities in the lives of your children.
I pray that you will be able to reach the hearts of your children because if you teach and train them from the outside only, the changes will not be permanent. They will fall away when things get a bit tough and soon there will not be much left of the training you have worked to accomplish. Have a great week!
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Training Your Children - Part 2
Wow!!! We have been on a whirlwind summer! It has been wonderful and fun, but so very busy!!! Last weekend we were able to have our annual family camping trip in Southern Indiana. Our whole family met there at the Mounds State Recreation Area and we camped for three wonderful days! On Friday we took our whole family to the new “Answers in Genesis” Museum and it was a wonderful experience! Even the little ones, age 3 and 5, enjoyed it and it kept their interest! It is well worth the trip to go and see it! If you have any questions about it, feel free to write to me and ask. It was a real encouragement to see the whole picture of Creation to the Cross and on to the coming events and see how everything fits! Take it in if you can!
Now I will continue the discussion on training your children. Last time I covered the topics of teaching and training your children. Some of what I go over today will give direction to those endeavors. The first topic I want to cover relates to correcting and disciplining them. Proverbs has many verses concerning correcting your children, but the first verse I want to mention is Proverbs 22:15 where it says, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” (There is NO room for any kind of child abuse here and there is NO suggestion that there be any kind of permanent damage done.) The idea behind this verse is that God knows that spanking is sometimes needful and usually a very effective form of discipline and He even created a place on the body of your children where He intends for that to take place! (Other verses for you to look up are Proverbs 13:24; 19:18; 23:13; 29:17) Punishment should never take place just because your children embarrassed or frustrated you, but because of an offense to God! Childishness should not be punished unless it is a result of disobedience or some other offense to God or if it is something that could bring harm to themselves or others. And children should always know why they are being punished! And of course, all punishment should be given lovingly and consistently.
The next responsibility I will discuss is for you to cherish your children. I believe this has somewhat of a different connotation than loving your children. In I John 2, I was noticing that several times, John used the endearing term, “My little children”. That sounded like a term that meant he really cared for and cherished them! Your children need to know that they are VERY loved and taken care of! However you communicate to them, there should be times when you speak lovingly and just very tenderly to them of your love and their value to you. Following close behind that idea as the fact that one way you can demonstrate how much you cherish them is to listen and pay close attention when they speak to you! (Proverbs 27:23 and 29:15) And you need to know each child well enough to know when and where is their favorite place of communicating with you. You need to look at them when they are talking with you so that they can feel the security of knowing that they have your full attention. Don’t let the phone or anything else disrupt that time. You need to set aside all other things at some point each and every day to listen to your children. And if at all possible, be there when your children come home from school or other major activities in their lives. If they do their “talking” with the baby sitter, you may never hear what is going on in their lives and find out the things that are important to them. It is such a heartache when I hear parents say something of this nature; “My child was on drugs while he was living in my home and I didn’t know it!” That shouldn’t happen if you are accomplishing Biblical parenting.
Next week I will continue on this thought and suggest some thoughts concerning getting to know and understand and shepherding your child’s heart. Have a great week and I think I am home for the duration now, so there shouldn’t be as many interruptions.
Now I will continue the discussion on training your children. Last time I covered the topics of teaching and training your children. Some of what I go over today will give direction to those endeavors. The first topic I want to cover relates to correcting and disciplining them. Proverbs has many verses concerning correcting your children, but the first verse I want to mention is Proverbs 22:15 where it says, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” (There is NO room for any kind of child abuse here and there is NO suggestion that there be any kind of permanent damage done.) The idea behind this verse is that God knows that spanking is sometimes needful and usually a very effective form of discipline and He even created a place on the body of your children where He intends for that to take place! (Other verses for you to look up are Proverbs 13:24; 19:18; 23:13; 29:17) Punishment should never take place just because your children embarrassed or frustrated you, but because of an offense to God! Childishness should not be punished unless it is a result of disobedience or some other offense to God or if it is something that could bring harm to themselves or others. And children should always know why they are being punished! And of course, all punishment should be given lovingly and consistently.
The next responsibility I will discuss is for you to cherish your children. I believe this has somewhat of a different connotation than loving your children. In I John 2, I was noticing that several times, John used the endearing term, “My little children”. That sounded like a term that meant he really cared for and cherished them! Your children need to know that they are VERY loved and taken care of! However you communicate to them, there should be times when you speak lovingly and just very tenderly to them of your love and their value to you. Following close behind that idea as the fact that one way you can demonstrate how much you cherish them is to listen and pay close attention when they speak to you! (Proverbs 27:23 and 29:15) And you need to know each child well enough to know when and where is their favorite place of communicating with you. You need to look at them when they are talking with you so that they can feel the security of knowing that they have your full attention. Don’t let the phone or anything else disrupt that time. You need to set aside all other things at some point each and every day to listen to your children. And if at all possible, be there when your children come home from school or other major activities in their lives. If they do their “talking” with the baby sitter, you may never hear what is going on in their lives and find out the things that are important to them. It is such a heartache when I hear parents say something of this nature; “My child was on drugs while he was living in my home and I didn’t know it!” That shouldn’t happen if you are accomplishing Biblical parenting.
Next week I will continue on this thought and suggest some thoughts concerning getting to know and understand and shepherding your child’s heart. Have a great week and I think I am home for the duration now, so there shouldn’t be as many interruptions.
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Training Your Children
I am back from a wonderful vacation! God blessed us and we enjoyed 12 wonderful days away. We went to Upstate New York and camped on the St. Lawrence Seaway. I watched ships going back and forth on the Seaway from our campsite whenever we were at our campground and it was just a very relaxing time. We came across Canada on the way back to Michigan and the most stressful time of the trip occurred on that trip back! It took us almost two hours to go over the bridge and go through customs to get back into Michigan and we were riding on an almost empty gas tank (the beeper had already sounded telling us of our plight)! We were sitting on the top of the bridge over the mouth of Lake Huron praying and praying that we would not run out of gas and have to call for road service in the midst of the busy traffic trying to go across the bridge! God blessed and when we reached the other side, the gas gauge actually looked like there was more gas than when we started across! We were so thankful for that reminder that God loves and cares for every detail of our lives!
For the next few entries, I will be sharing some thoughts that relate to the Ladies’ Bible Study I am teaching at our church this summer. The lesson I am working on right now deals with teaching and training your children. So there will be at least one entry related to that and then there will be a lesson or two on modesty. I am teaching the Bible study from a book by Elizabeth George entitled, “God’s Wisdom for a Woman’s Life”. (If any of you are ever looking for good Bible Study books for women, I highly recommend Elizabeth George as a very good source of Biblically based books written for women!)
There are many principles in the Word of God which give us guidance in child rearing. Many of them are found in the book of Proverbs. I would like to start with the principle of teaching your children. First of all, it is a good idea for you to assume that your children will not be taught anything anywhere else. Now this is probably not true, but if you assume your children are learning God’s truth in church or Sunday School or any other place, it may make you a bit lax and you may not cover topics that your children need to know! Approach the task of teaching your children as if you and your husband (or you by yourself) are the only ones who are doing this very important job! I have already alluded to Deuteronomy 6:6&7 a number of times on this blog, but let me add Proverbs 1:8 where it instructs a son to “hear the instruction” of his father and to “forsake not the law” of his mother. There are many more references to the teaching responsibility of the parent to the child in the book of Proverbs, but suffice it to say that you come away from reading that book with the thought that maybe that is the most important responsibility of a parent to his child! And of course, along with teaching is the job of training. They are kind of related to each other, but I believe that teaching gets God’s laws into the mind of your child and training gets the truth into their hearts and helps them to know how to behave based on those principles and truths. Now, I have heard many people, after the fact, say that Proverbs 22:6 cannot be taken literally because after all you never know what your child will do after he is out from under your care. And it is true that you don’t know what he will do after he leaves your home, but we need to dedicate ourselves to teaching and training them no matter the cost simply because God told us to! We don’t want to have to look back over our time with our children after they leave and see time after time when we put something else of our own desires ahead of our teaching and training our kids! Remember: You only get one chance to raise your children and we want to do it right the first time. After all, people are the ONLY thing we can take to Heaven with us and who would we want to bring to Heaven more than our own children! Next time I will talk about correcting your children, disciplining them, giving them your time, and several other topics related to your children. Many of these topics help us to do the training that we are instructed to do. Trust you are enjoying a great week and we will “talk” again soon!
For the next few entries, I will be sharing some thoughts that relate to the Ladies’ Bible Study I am teaching at our church this summer. The lesson I am working on right now deals with teaching and training your children. So there will be at least one entry related to that and then there will be a lesson or two on modesty. I am teaching the Bible study from a book by Elizabeth George entitled, “God’s Wisdom for a Woman’s Life”. (If any of you are ever looking for good Bible Study books for women, I highly recommend Elizabeth George as a very good source of Biblically based books written for women!)
There are many principles in the Word of God which give us guidance in child rearing. Many of them are found in the book of Proverbs. I would like to start with the principle of teaching your children. First of all, it is a good idea for you to assume that your children will not be taught anything anywhere else. Now this is probably not true, but if you assume your children are learning God’s truth in church or Sunday School or any other place, it may make you a bit lax and you may not cover topics that your children need to know! Approach the task of teaching your children as if you and your husband (or you by yourself) are the only ones who are doing this very important job! I have already alluded to Deuteronomy 6:6&7 a number of times on this blog, but let me add Proverbs 1:8 where it instructs a son to “hear the instruction” of his father and to “forsake not the law” of his mother. There are many more references to the teaching responsibility of the parent to the child in the book of Proverbs, but suffice it to say that you come away from reading that book with the thought that maybe that is the most important responsibility of a parent to his child! And of course, along with teaching is the job of training. They are kind of related to each other, but I believe that teaching gets God’s laws into the mind of your child and training gets the truth into their hearts and helps them to know how to behave based on those principles and truths. Now, I have heard many people, after the fact, say that Proverbs 22:6 cannot be taken literally because after all you never know what your child will do after he is out from under your care. And it is true that you don’t know what he will do after he leaves your home, but we need to dedicate ourselves to teaching and training them no matter the cost simply because God told us to! We don’t want to have to look back over our time with our children after they leave and see time after time when we put something else of our own desires ahead of our teaching and training our kids! Remember: You only get one chance to raise your children and we want to do it right the first time. After all, people are the ONLY thing we can take to Heaven with us and who would we want to bring to Heaven more than our own children! Next time I will talk about correcting your children, disciplining them, giving them your time, and several other topics related to your children. Many of these topics help us to do the training that we are instructed to do. Trust you are enjoying a great week and we will “talk” again soon!
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Teach the Young Women to be Obedient to Their Own Husbands
This is a very “new and unique” topic in this present culture! However, it is not unique to God who created male and female and established the rules of how marriage was intended to be!
First of all, notice that it says to be “obedient to their OWN husbands”. This takes us back to our earlier discussion concerning whether women should place themselves under the authority of men who are not their “own” husband in the work place. It is particularly crucial if the other man is going to be requiring time and allegiance that belongs only to your husband. I believe that this gives credence to my earlier statement that women ought to consider this before they take a job outside the home and avoid this circumstance if at all possible!
Now we get to the topic of obedience. This is a bit hard to describe as we live in a culture where these role issues are very distorted and we don’t have a good picture of what this means. Basically, God meant for the relationship between husband and wife to be one big picture, but sin entered in and everything went haywire! God meant for the husband to love his wife as Christ loves the Church and gave Himself for her (Ephesians 5:25). With that in mind, God gave women the responsibility to submit (obey) to the leadership of her husband (Ephesians 5: 22 and Titus 2:5). However, most husbands don’t know what it means to really love their wives as Christ loves the Church and that makes it very difficult for a wife to submit to her husband. Some husbands think that to obey means that he rules and she is his door mat. Husbands in this culture aren’t being encouraged to be the loving Spiritual leaders of their wives, so in some cases the wife must make her own way and the family submits to her. There are so many issues here, and I am not prepared to confront them all, but I do want to speak to women and I pray that God will use this lesson in your life in whatever circumstance you might find yourself.
Basically, I believe that God designed marriage and that He knows how it works best. He knows that someone must be in charge and someone must follow. He gave it to the husband to be the leader and the wife is to follow. His intention was for the husband to love his wife and lead her in a loving and gentle way and for the wife to respond with loving submission. When sin came into the world, things changed drastically and mankind has never recovered. However, God repeated His design for marriage in the New Testament and it is to be our lifelong desire and goal to obey His desires in this area. God used the example of a marriage relationship as His picture to the world of how much He loves the Church and gave His Son for the Church (Ephesians 5:25). It is therefore VERY important for us as Christians to present to the world an undistorted picture of marriage where the husband loves his wife and she lovingly submits for a lifetime.
As none of us is perfect, we must daily make course corrections in order to keep the picture pure. If we have a husband who is not fulfilling his part of the plan, we must pick up the slack and do the best we can to still respond in a Godly manner. God does not let us off the hook at that point, but He tells us to stay with our husband and do everything we can to win him for the Lord. So, if you have a Godly husband who loves you in a Christ-like way, praise the Lord and do everything you can to keep him happy and to submit to him in a loving manner. If you don’t have a husband who is loving you as Christ loved the Church, then lovingly submit to him anyway and pray for him and do everything you can do to let him see the love of God in you! Remember: You can only control your own attitude and that is your responsibility! God is at work and He will do the work that needs to be done in your husband and He may very well use you to help accomplish that, so be sure you are up to and ready for that task!
I will be away from the computer for a couple of weeks now, so I pray that you are all having a great summer! When I get back, I will start a new series as this pretty well finishes Titus 2. “Talk” to you soon!
First of all, notice that it says to be “obedient to their OWN husbands”. This takes us back to our earlier discussion concerning whether women should place themselves under the authority of men who are not their “own” husband in the work place. It is particularly crucial if the other man is going to be requiring time and allegiance that belongs only to your husband. I believe that this gives credence to my earlier statement that women ought to consider this before they take a job outside the home and avoid this circumstance if at all possible!
Now we get to the topic of obedience. This is a bit hard to describe as we live in a culture where these role issues are very distorted and we don’t have a good picture of what this means. Basically, God meant for the relationship between husband and wife to be one big picture, but sin entered in and everything went haywire! God meant for the husband to love his wife as Christ loves the Church and gave Himself for her (Ephesians 5:25). With that in mind, God gave women the responsibility to submit (obey) to the leadership of her husband (Ephesians 5: 22 and Titus 2:5). However, most husbands don’t know what it means to really love their wives as Christ loves the Church and that makes it very difficult for a wife to submit to her husband. Some husbands think that to obey means that he rules and she is his door mat. Husbands in this culture aren’t being encouraged to be the loving Spiritual leaders of their wives, so in some cases the wife must make her own way and the family submits to her. There are so many issues here, and I am not prepared to confront them all, but I do want to speak to women and I pray that God will use this lesson in your life in whatever circumstance you might find yourself.
Basically, I believe that God designed marriage and that He knows how it works best. He knows that someone must be in charge and someone must follow. He gave it to the husband to be the leader and the wife is to follow. His intention was for the husband to love his wife and lead her in a loving and gentle way and for the wife to respond with loving submission. When sin came into the world, things changed drastically and mankind has never recovered. However, God repeated His design for marriage in the New Testament and it is to be our lifelong desire and goal to obey His desires in this area. God used the example of a marriage relationship as His picture to the world of how much He loves the Church and gave His Son for the Church (Ephesians 5:25). It is therefore VERY important for us as Christians to present to the world an undistorted picture of marriage where the husband loves his wife and she lovingly submits for a lifetime.
As none of us is perfect, we must daily make course corrections in order to keep the picture pure. If we have a husband who is not fulfilling his part of the plan, we must pick up the slack and do the best we can to still respond in a Godly manner. God does not let us off the hook at that point, but He tells us to stay with our husband and do everything we can to win him for the Lord. So, if you have a Godly husband who loves you in a Christ-like way, praise the Lord and do everything you can to keep him happy and to submit to him in a loving manner. If you don’t have a husband who is loving you as Christ loved the Church, then lovingly submit to him anyway and pray for him and do everything you can do to let him see the love of God in you! Remember: You can only control your own attitude and that is your responsibility! God is at work and He will do the work that needs to be done in your husband and He may very well use you to help accomplish that, so be sure you are up to and ready for that task!
I will be away from the computer for a couple of weeks now, so I pray that you are all having a great summer! When I get back, I will start a new series as this pretty well finishes Titus 2. “Talk” to you soon!
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Teach the Young Women to be Good
At first glance, this quality seems to be pretty obvious, but I do think there are some thoughts that bear reviewing even on this character.
We live in a world, where there are really a lot of “good people”. So there must be some things which distinguish this kind of “good” from that which we see in the world around us. In my understanding, I believe that a lot of those distinguishing qualities have to do with the motives which drive our desire to be “good”. As Christian ladies, our desire to be “good” should be motivated by our love for and our desire to please the Lord. And I believe that should in some way be clear to those who know us.
There are many areas of life in which we women should be “good” and I believe the first one is in the area of our homes. In Proverbs 31:12, we read, “She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” This refers to the way she treats her husband. We have already discussed some of the ways we can love our husbands, so I won’t go into a whole new discussion of that. But we just need to remember that our husband is a gift from God and no matter how much good we receive from him or how deserving we think he is, we are to be good to our husband. This means that we will spend our life seeking to enhance the ministry God has given him and helping him to achieve his potential before God. Remember, God created the woman “for” the man (Genesis 2:18), so this is our primary responsibility in life! We also need to be good to our children. This doesn’t mean giving them everything they desire, but nourishing and cherishing them and teaching them the things of God.
Then there is the area of everyone else around us. We as ladies are to be seeking to help those in need. Again, in Proverbs 31, though it is obvious that her main ministry was to her family, in verse 20 we read that, “She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.” If this is to be different from every other charity group in the community we need to strive to have a different motive and a different message than the rest of them. Those to whom we minister need to know that our motivation is to please God and carry out the ministry that He has given us to do. In other words, with our giving of good things needs to be a message of hope and salvation that is different from the others,
And finally, I think that the meaning of “good” in this passage has to do with a general life style and pattern to promote goodness in every area of our lives. It should influence the way we talk to our children and our husband, the way we interact with everyone around us, the general atmosphere that is evident in our homes when strangers come by and just the wonderful way that others can see Jesus living in our lives and affecting even how we look!
I trust this will give you a little insight into what it means for a Christian lady to be “good” in the Biblical sense of that word.
We live in a world, where there are really a lot of “good people”. So there must be some things which distinguish this kind of “good” from that which we see in the world around us. In my understanding, I believe that a lot of those distinguishing qualities have to do with the motives which drive our desire to be “good”. As Christian ladies, our desire to be “good” should be motivated by our love for and our desire to please the Lord. And I believe that should in some way be clear to those who know us.
There are many areas of life in which we women should be “good” and I believe the first one is in the area of our homes. In Proverbs 31:12, we read, “She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” This refers to the way she treats her husband. We have already discussed some of the ways we can love our husbands, so I won’t go into a whole new discussion of that. But we just need to remember that our husband is a gift from God and no matter how much good we receive from him or how deserving we think he is, we are to be good to our husband. This means that we will spend our life seeking to enhance the ministry God has given him and helping him to achieve his potential before God. Remember, God created the woman “for” the man (Genesis 2:18), so this is our primary responsibility in life! We also need to be good to our children. This doesn’t mean giving them everything they desire, but nourishing and cherishing them and teaching them the things of God.
Then there is the area of everyone else around us. We as ladies are to be seeking to help those in need. Again, in Proverbs 31, though it is obvious that her main ministry was to her family, in verse 20 we read that, “She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.” If this is to be different from every other charity group in the community we need to strive to have a different motive and a different message than the rest of them. Those to whom we minister need to know that our motivation is to please God and carry out the ministry that He has given us to do. In other words, with our giving of good things needs to be a message of hope and salvation that is different from the others,
And finally, I think that the meaning of “good” in this passage has to do with a general life style and pattern to promote goodness in every area of our lives. It should influence the way we talk to our children and our husband, the way we interact with everyone around us, the general atmosphere that is evident in our homes when strangers come by and just the wonderful way that others can see Jesus living in our lives and affecting even how we look!
I trust this will give you a little insight into what it means for a Christian lady to be “good” in the Biblical sense of that word.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Happy Fourth of July
I trust that everyone is enjoying the celebration of the birthday of our country! I keep having to remind myself that for all of its issues, the Good Old U S of A is the best place on this planet and I praise the Lord for the gift of living in America!
I mentioned in my last entry that July 4 has a special place in my heart and the reason is that on July 4th of 1955, my Grandma Wakemen went to Heaven very suddenly at the age of 62!! She was way too young and I didn’t really know her very well, but she was my grandma, so I had a very special place in my heart for her and for this day ever after. My parents had been missionaries in Nigeria until the summer of 1954, so we hadn’t been in the US very long at the time she died. All of us were together there with my mother’s sisters and all of our cousins and I think that is almost the last time we were all together.
Anyway, I just want to remind us all that the way to really have an impact on our country for the Lord is to pray for it! Our tendency is to complain and talk about all that is wrong, but God has told us that we need to pray for those that are in authority over us and He has worked in history in spite of and even through some pretty awful kings! So there is precedence for some victory among us in spite of the leadership. REMEMBER: II Chronicles 7:14 “If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from Heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land!”
Here are a couple of July 4th recipes.
Patriotic Layers
1 small box of strawberry jello
1 small box of blue jello
1 cup blueberries
1 cup sliced strawberries
1 8 oz. container Cool Whip
Stir one cup of boiling water into each package of dry
jello in separate bowls.
Stir until jello is completely dissolved.
Add ½ cup cold water to each and stir.
Place blue jello in refrigerator to thicken and leave red
jello at room temp. After about 1 ½ hours, add blueberries to blue jello and place it in a clear glass bowl to get firm. Now place red jello in refrigerator to thicken for about 1 ½ hours. Refrigerate blue jello for about 30 minutes and then carefully spread Cool Whip over blue jello. Now add strawberries to thickened red jello and spoon over cream layer. Refrigerate for about three hours until firm. Top with more topping to decorate if desired.
Jamaican Lemon Pepper Chicken
3 pounds of boneless, skinless chicken breast
1 ½ Tblsp. Black pepper ( May want to cut this back a bit)
¾ cup lemon juice
5 Tblsp. Olive oil
1 teasp. Salt
1 teasp. Garlic powder
½ teasp. Oregano
1 Tblsp. Pickapeppa ( you may have to ask for this at your larger grocery stores)
1 Tblsp. Thyme
Place all of the above in a plastic bowl with a lid and let it marinade for 24 hours. Grill and serve.
Happy 231st Birthday, America!!!
I mentioned in my last entry that July 4 has a special place in my heart and the reason is that on July 4th of 1955, my Grandma Wakemen went to Heaven very suddenly at the age of 62!! She was way too young and I didn’t really know her very well, but she was my grandma, so I had a very special place in my heart for her and for this day ever after. My parents had been missionaries in Nigeria until the summer of 1954, so we hadn’t been in the US very long at the time she died. All of us were together there with my mother’s sisters and all of our cousins and I think that is almost the last time we were all together.
Anyway, I just want to remind us all that the way to really have an impact on our country for the Lord is to pray for it! Our tendency is to complain and talk about all that is wrong, but God has told us that we need to pray for those that are in authority over us and He has worked in history in spite of and even through some pretty awful kings! So there is precedence for some victory among us in spite of the leadership. REMEMBER: II Chronicles 7:14 “If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from Heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land!”
Here are a couple of July 4th recipes.
Patriotic Layers
1 small box of strawberry jello
1 small box of blue jello
1 cup blueberries
1 cup sliced strawberries
1 8 oz. container Cool Whip
Stir one cup of boiling water into each package of dry
jello in separate bowls.
Stir until jello is completely dissolved.
Add ½ cup cold water to each and stir.
Place blue jello in refrigerator to thicken and leave red
jello at room temp. After about 1 ½ hours, add blueberries to blue jello and place it in a clear glass bowl to get firm. Now place red jello in refrigerator to thicken for about 1 ½ hours. Refrigerate blue jello for about 30 minutes and then carefully spread Cool Whip over blue jello. Now add strawberries to thickened red jello and spoon over cream layer. Refrigerate for about three hours until firm. Top with more topping to decorate if desired.
Jamaican Lemon Pepper Chicken
3 pounds of boneless, skinless chicken breast
1 ½ Tblsp. Black pepper ( May want to cut this back a bit)
¾ cup lemon juice
5 Tblsp. Olive oil
1 teasp. Salt
1 teasp. Garlic powder
½ teasp. Oregano
1 Tblsp. Pickapeppa ( you may have to ask for this at your larger grocery stores)
1 Tblsp. Thyme
Place all of the above in a plastic bowl with a lid and let it marinade for 24 hours. Grill and serve.
Happy 231st Birthday, America!!!
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Teach the Younger Women to ... Be Keepers at Home
Last week I wrote on being “keepers at home” and I included two thoughts about why I think that is an important concept for all of us women to consider. The first idea that I covered was the fact that working in a place with men other than our husbands makes women vulnerable to the possibility of making relationships with men with whom they work which is not a good thing. I also commented on the fact that God has given women many ministries within and outside of the church and many of those aren’t getting done because so many Christian women are in the work place. If your children are grown and you have a job where you are used for the growth of God’s Kingdom, then praise Him and be sure that you are following the guidelines in the Scripture on how you approach your situation.
Today I want to cover two other reasons that I believe God would have young women to be “keepers at home”. The first one today has to do with the care of your children. I believe with all my heart that mothers and dads should raise their own children. I can’t give you a verse and reference for this thought, but I just know that most all of the guidelines in the Scripture given for parenting are given to parents and not to babysitters! And since God has given the dads the main responsibility of earning the living for the family, that leaves moms home to care for the children. I think that one of the main reasons we are where we are as a culture is that moms have given the privilege of raising their children to others! I don’t care how loving the caretaker you find, she is not going to love and teach your child as you do. And if you think that your child just loves to be out with other children and learning to “socialize”, you may very well be mistaken. From my experience, children love the security of being home and being in the same environment during their formative years! And don’t expect your child to necessarily tell you that. A young baby or young child has no way of expressing himself and you are responsible to do the right thing for him from your own Biblical understanding of what he needs.
Remember the verse I talked about in one of the earlier lessons? Deuteronomy 6:6&7: “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them DILIGENTLY (emphasis is mine) unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” In order to accomplish the intent of this verse, I believe it takes more than the short time and diminished amount of energy that is left after a busy day of doing whatever one might do outside the home. There is so much to teach and so much learning that needs to be taught in order to help protect our children from the culture, we must remember that when God gives us children that becomes our full time job; and though the responsibilities change, we never “retire” from the job of being a mother! By the way, when God wrote through Paul that women are to be keepers at home, I don’t believe He just meant not to have a job outside the home. There are many other ways a woman can violate this principle and you know the areas where you might be crossing the line.
My final thought that I would like to cover on this topic of being a “keeper at home” is also VERY important. When we marry, we willingly put ourselves under the umbrella of the man that God has given us to be our husband. When we work outside the home, we are putting ourselves under the authority of another man who, in most cases, is not our husband. That means that conflicts could arise. What if your boss requires something that conflicts with the desires of your husband? Maybe your boss expects you to travel away from home? What if your boss expects long hours that interfere with your responsibility at home to make the evening meal for your husband? How will you resolve that conflict? In reality, your husband’s desires should trump the requirements of the boss. And please don’t buy the “feel good “ lines of the culture that tell us that if we are both bringing in our “share” of the income, then we both take on “our share” of the household work. Now, there are things at home that men do that we just kind of expect them to do. But in general, women are given the responsibility of keeping the home and making it comfortable for our families. The other consideration on this topic (I kind of covered it last time, but I think it bears repeating) has to do with spending that much time with someone that isn’t your husband and how you must dress for your job. My guess is that if you work in an office, you probably dress more professionally and spend more time “looking good” than you would if you were spending the day home cleaning house. That is just the opposite of how it should be. Your husband deserves your best as you have the most invested in that relationship. “Looking good” in the office is also a bit of a danger as we don’t want to attract the attention of men that aren’t our husbands.
I pray that you will all take these blog entries in the spirit in which they are written. Remember, these are things that I would want my own daughters and grand daughters to know for the protection of their own marriages and for the Spiritual well-being of their own children. You are just sitting in on my very personal “chats” with my girls and I pray that they will be a challenge and an encouragement in your lives! And above all, may God use these feeble words for His Glory in the lives of whoever may read them! Next time I will take a break and do something related to July 4 which has and always will have a very special place in my heart!
Today I want to cover two other reasons that I believe God would have young women to be “keepers at home”. The first one today has to do with the care of your children. I believe with all my heart that mothers and dads should raise their own children. I can’t give you a verse and reference for this thought, but I just know that most all of the guidelines in the Scripture given for parenting are given to parents and not to babysitters! And since God has given the dads the main responsibility of earning the living for the family, that leaves moms home to care for the children. I think that one of the main reasons we are where we are as a culture is that moms have given the privilege of raising their children to others! I don’t care how loving the caretaker you find, she is not going to love and teach your child as you do. And if you think that your child just loves to be out with other children and learning to “socialize”, you may very well be mistaken. From my experience, children love the security of being home and being in the same environment during their formative years! And don’t expect your child to necessarily tell you that. A young baby or young child has no way of expressing himself and you are responsible to do the right thing for him from your own Biblical understanding of what he needs.
Remember the verse I talked about in one of the earlier lessons? Deuteronomy 6:6&7: “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them DILIGENTLY (emphasis is mine) unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” In order to accomplish the intent of this verse, I believe it takes more than the short time and diminished amount of energy that is left after a busy day of doing whatever one might do outside the home. There is so much to teach and so much learning that needs to be taught in order to help protect our children from the culture, we must remember that when God gives us children that becomes our full time job; and though the responsibilities change, we never “retire” from the job of being a mother! By the way, when God wrote through Paul that women are to be keepers at home, I don’t believe He just meant not to have a job outside the home. There are many other ways a woman can violate this principle and you know the areas where you might be crossing the line.
My final thought that I would like to cover on this topic of being a “keeper at home” is also VERY important. When we marry, we willingly put ourselves under the umbrella of the man that God has given us to be our husband. When we work outside the home, we are putting ourselves under the authority of another man who, in most cases, is not our husband. That means that conflicts could arise. What if your boss requires something that conflicts with the desires of your husband? Maybe your boss expects you to travel away from home? What if your boss expects long hours that interfere with your responsibility at home to make the evening meal for your husband? How will you resolve that conflict? In reality, your husband’s desires should trump the requirements of the boss. And please don’t buy the “feel good “ lines of the culture that tell us that if we are both bringing in our “share” of the income, then we both take on “our share” of the household work. Now, there are things at home that men do that we just kind of expect them to do. But in general, women are given the responsibility of keeping the home and making it comfortable for our families. The other consideration on this topic (I kind of covered it last time, but I think it bears repeating) has to do with spending that much time with someone that isn’t your husband and how you must dress for your job. My guess is that if you work in an office, you probably dress more professionally and spend more time “looking good” than you would if you were spending the day home cleaning house. That is just the opposite of how it should be. Your husband deserves your best as you have the most invested in that relationship. “Looking good” in the office is also a bit of a danger as we don’t want to attract the attention of men that aren’t our husbands.
I pray that you will all take these blog entries in the spirit in which they are written. Remember, these are things that I would want my own daughters and grand daughters to know for the protection of their own marriages and for the Spiritual well-being of their own children. You are just sitting in on my very personal “chats” with my girls and I pray that they will be a challenge and an encouragement in your lives! And above all, may God use these feeble words for His Glory in the lives of whoever may read them! Next time I will take a break and do something related to July 4 which has and always will have a very special place in my heart!
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Teach Young Women to be Keepers at Home
Part I
Well, we are back home after a wonderful time in Minnesota. Our kids gave my husband and me a little “get away” to Minnesota for our 60th birthdays which are both this year. They planned a B & B for us along with some fun eating, dinner train, riverboat lunch, and even some spending money! We were very touched and thankful for their love and the way they ministered to our hearts!
Now we are back to the subject at hand. The verse is Titus 2:5 which tells the older women to “teach the younger women to be … keepers at home”. I am very passionate about this topic. I was listening to a message by John MacArthur on this topic once and he said, “What does it mean that women are to be keepers at home? It means that women are to be keepers at home!” It is pretty hard to misinterpret this one. I believe that there are several reasons why God encouraged women to be “keepers at home”. I will cover some today and the rest next week.
I do not think that there is a huge problem with women earning money. I do not believe that this is the reason for this teaching. After all, Lydia was a seller of purple and we know other women in Scripture who had opportunities to make money. I do believe, however, that if a woman is going find a way to earn some money, she needs to be very careful where she finds that opportunity.
Now I know that there are extenuating circumstances and different conditions in our culture that require some women to be out in the work force, but I also know that many women are in the work force for many other reasons which do not fall into the category of need! Now let me preface this with a thought that I think is Biblical and that is that I believe this is mainly speaking to younger women who have children growing up in their home. I think it is necessary for obvious reasons for single women to be out working and I think that if an older woman has a job where she can be used openly to promote God’s Kingdom, then these cases fall into a different category. Even in these cases, however, I think this should be approached with a great amount of discernment since we live in a culture where we need to always be on our toes because the prince of this world is always on the prowl for the purpose of destroying homes and families.
For instance, we live in a society where people in the work place think nothing of making relationships with people who are not their spouses and they get fooled into thinking that going out to lunch or having a cup of coffee with another woman’s husband is a very innocent event. Besides the consideration of the children in the home, (which I think I will consider next week as a specific topic) the opportunity for contact with the spouses of other people is one of the other main reasons that I think that God wrote what He did to women. Our eyes should be opened to this danger as we are hearing quite regularly about people who fall into sinful situations with people at work or in other situations where men and women spend a lot of time together. I don’t believe this mandate of women keeping the home only applies to work opportunities. There are many other ways this contact can occur if a woman is out and about too much away from her husband and vice versa. Now do you see why this topic relates to the one about being “chaste”? So, I believe that one good reason God told women to be “Keepers at home” was to preserve our marriages! He knows our sinful natures and He knew what would happen if men and women work 8 hours a day, five days a week in the same office! He knows how easy it is to look to someone else to meet our needs if we perceive that our needs aren’t being met by our spouses! This admonition is for all ladies, even those who are single and those who have raised their children. Be on guard at all times if you are working or otherwise spending time with the husbands of other women.
And if at all possible, don’t be out there at all! Don’t work just so you can have more “stuff” or because you think you are bored at home! This brings up another reason I believe that God told women to “Be keepers at home”. He has given women many ministries within and outside the Church (besides raising children) and many of them are not getting done because so many women have put “things” ahead of people. I have been home for 34 years and I can honestly say that I have never lacked for good things to do. The opportunities for ministry are endless and we just need to respond to God’s guidelines in Scripture and be available to Him and He will keep us busy!
Next week, I will revisit this topic of being a “keeper at home”. There are, of course, issues related to raising children and possibly being under the authority of a man who isn’t your husband. Have a great week and I am keeping you all in prayer.
Saturday, June 9, 2007
Teach the Young Women to be Chaste - Titus 2:5
Wow! This is a monumental task in the culture in which we live! I am afraid I am going to be brutally honest on this one, Ladies! My children used to use the phrase, “Tell us what you REALLY think, Mom!” I think that you may concur with their assessment by the time I am finished with this one!
I am not sure if there is a misunderstanding of the meaning of the word “chaste” or what it is, but from looking around, it appears that women are really drawing a disconnect on this one! The word “chaste” (again according to Webster) means “not indulging in unlawful sexual activity; virtuous; modest: said especially of women, etc.; implies moral excellence; etc. applied in behavior, dress, speech as exhibiting purity.” Another verse that applies to this topic is in I Timothy 2: 9 where it says that women are to adorn themselves in “modest apparel”.
Most of us probably feel pretty good about the fact that we are not engaging in “unlawful sexual activity” and that is good, but there is so much more to the meaning of the word “chaste” and I would like to get very honest and personal in my teaching on this topic. Ladies, the only man we are Biblically allowed to try to attract is our husband! That means that when we dress in a way so as to attract anyone else, we are out of line with Scripture! You may think that you do not dress in order to attract anyone else, but may I remind you that God wired men so as to be attracted by what they see, and if we let them see more of us than God planned, we are committing an act of carelessness that is a sin against them by causing them to think on something that may cause sin in their life. I know the answer that some of you will respond with and that is “if they have a problem with what I wear, then it is their problem and not mine.” And they ARE responsible before God to guard their own minds, but as their Christian sisters, do we love them enough to be willing to give up our desires in order to help protect them? Our Christian brothers are bombarded on every side by sights that can cause them to lust in their hearts and many of them are trying very hard to avoid that sin, but it is a constant battle for them! I have heard some say that they wish that coming to church would be a safe haven for them and a place where they can relax from the battle and it is so disconcerting to them that they have to face the same struggles at church that they face at the mall.
May I be specific with some of the things that I am talking about? Today, Ladies, most clothing for women is just plain too low cut! I know, as I must shop in the same stores where you all shop! I know I have heard some women say that they can’t find anything else. Well, there are ways around that! When we raised our two girls, I had to get out my sewing machine more than once to sew something that was more modest than what we were able to find in the stores. It is particularly difficult through the early and late teen years. Another option is to just look through racks and racks of things and you will always find something that fits your need! You may not have as much choice as you like, but God has promised to supply our needs and He has ALWAYS more than supplied the needs of the ladies in our family! Another problem is that many clothes are designed so as to draw a person’s eyes to the wrong part of your body. Now, this is just my own personal opinion, but I believe that when a man looks at a woman, his eyes should be drawn to her face. Her demeanor and countenance should be such that she has a pleasant look on her face, and her clothing, or lack thereof, should not detract from her face! If your clothes are too low, too short, too tight, too sheer, or too “anything”, that will distract from the beauty of your face which should reflect your joy, your Godliness and your love for your Lord.
To sum it up, let’s pretend that we are going to a party where Jesus Christ is the guest of honor. How would you want to look when you are introduced to our Savior? Would you be ashamed if you were wearing some of the things that are in your closet? Would your hand immediately go across your chest to cover something that you wouldn’t want Him to see?
I am going to be away from my computer for a week or so, so I won’t be getting back to the next topic for a short time here. The next topic will relate to being a “keeper at home” and believe it or not, I believe that that topic actually relates to the one I just covered. Trust you are enjoying your summer and I look forward to sharing with you again soon! Please feel free to leave some input on this topic or any other topic! I would love to hear from you!
I am not sure if there is a misunderstanding of the meaning of the word “chaste” or what it is, but from looking around, it appears that women are really drawing a disconnect on this one! The word “chaste” (again according to Webster) means “not indulging in unlawful sexual activity; virtuous; modest: said especially of women, etc.; implies moral excellence; etc. applied in behavior, dress, speech as exhibiting purity.” Another verse that applies to this topic is in I Timothy 2: 9 where it says that women are to adorn themselves in “modest apparel”.
Most of us probably feel pretty good about the fact that we are not engaging in “unlawful sexual activity” and that is good, but there is so much more to the meaning of the word “chaste” and I would like to get very honest and personal in my teaching on this topic. Ladies, the only man we are Biblically allowed to try to attract is our husband! That means that when we dress in a way so as to attract anyone else, we are out of line with Scripture! You may think that you do not dress in order to attract anyone else, but may I remind you that God wired men so as to be attracted by what they see, and if we let them see more of us than God planned, we are committing an act of carelessness that is a sin against them by causing them to think on something that may cause sin in their life. I know the answer that some of you will respond with and that is “if they have a problem with what I wear, then it is their problem and not mine.” And they ARE responsible before God to guard their own minds, but as their Christian sisters, do we love them enough to be willing to give up our desires in order to help protect them? Our Christian brothers are bombarded on every side by sights that can cause them to lust in their hearts and many of them are trying very hard to avoid that sin, but it is a constant battle for them! I have heard some say that they wish that coming to church would be a safe haven for them and a place where they can relax from the battle and it is so disconcerting to them that they have to face the same struggles at church that they face at the mall.
May I be specific with some of the things that I am talking about? Today, Ladies, most clothing for women is just plain too low cut! I know, as I must shop in the same stores where you all shop! I know I have heard some women say that they can’t find anything else. Well, there are ways around that! When we raised our two girls, I had to get out my sewing machine more than once to sew something that was more modest than what we were able to find in the stores. It is particularly difficult through the early and late teen years. Another option is to just look through racks and racks of things and you will always find something that fits your need! You may not have as much choice as you like, but God has promised to supply our needs and He has ALWAYS more than supplied the needs of the ladies in our family! Another problem is that many clothes are designed so as to draw a person’s eyes to the wrong part of your body. Now, this is just my own personal opinion, but I believe that when a man looks at a woman, his eyes should be drawn to her face. Her demeanor and countenance should be such that she has a pleasant look on her face, and her clothing, or lack thereof, should not detract from her face! If your clothes are too low, too short, too tight, too sheer, or too “anything”, that will distract from the beauty of your face which should reflect your joy, your Godliness and your love for your Lord.
To sum it up, let’s pretend that we are going to a party where Jesus Christ is the guest of honor. How would you want to look when you are introduced to our Savior? Would you be ashamed if you were wearing some of the things that are in your closet? Would your hand immediately go across your chest to cover something that you wouldn’t want Him to see?
I am going to be away from my computer for a week or so, so I won’t be getting back to the next topic for a short time here. The next topic will relate to being a “keeper at home” and believe it or not, I believe that that topic actually relates to the one I just covered. Trust you are enjoying your summer and I look forward to sharing with you again soon! Please feel free to leave some input on this topic or any other topic! I would love to hear from you!
Sunday, June 3, 2007
"...To Be Discreet..."
“…The older women likewise…that they teach the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet…” Titus 2: 3-5.
As we work our way through Titus 2, we have come to the third quality to be taught by the older women and that is to teach the young women to be discreet. A related word that we use more often would be the word “discretion”. I have looked up the word “discreet” in Websters Dictionary and it says “to be careful about what one says or does”. And since what is in our thoughts usually comes out our mouths, I would add to that to be careful what we think about. There are areas where I think we can all use some reminders as we walk through our lives.
I think one of the first things that would come to our minds would be in the area of gossip. Maybe we are all thinking that we are O.K. in this area as we don’t gossip maliciously. However, gossip is one of those things that can creep in and be very subtle and we are suddenly over the line. First of all, I don’t think that men are told to be “discreet”. I think that is significant as that tells me that God is implying that this is a problem that is more natural to ladies. I have been there, so I know the pitfalls that exist and I still watch my tongue at all times in order to keep ahead of this particular pitfall!
As ladies, we have our ways of gossiping that seem very “spiritual”. One of those ways is in the area of prayer. We can sometimes update everyone on the latest news by giving it in the form of a “prayer request”. Now there is nothing wrong with praying for a personal problem of one of our friends, but I kind of use the measuring stick of, “Would I be praying for this thing if I were all alone or is it more on my mind because I have an audience with whom to share it?”
I also sometimes share things with my husband under the guise of “I just need to tell someone!” Well, if it isn’t an uplifting piece of news and if it is not something that he needs to know, then I really don’t need to burden him down with it until or unless it comes to the time when he needs to know it. Of course, I never make a promise to hear something and NOT share it with my husband. You always need to be careful of something that is told to you if you are asked to promise not to tell your husband!
So far I have mentioned a couple of areas where we need to practice discretion in our conversation. There are also ways of being indiscreet in our actions.
Ladies, we live in a culture where we are encouraged to be like men! We can take their jobs, we can wear their clothes, we can talk their language and we can shout our views. Let’s remember that “gentle and quiet spirit which is very precious in the sight of God.” (I Peter 3:4) (I will probably take that verse up in more detail at some point.) Much of this kind of thinking comes from the media that we all take into our minds. Let’s be careful of what we allow into our minds. There is VERY little on television that is of any value to us and it definitely affects our thinking and we need to be very careful of how much mindless and Godless information we allow into our minds. We are told to “renew our minds” (Romans 12:2) (That topic will come into full discussion at some point as well.) But suffice it to say that you cannot renew your mind by taking in the information that is funneled into your home without using great discretion. I know! I used to think that if I watched something on television while my kids were napping, it was probably all right as “I was mature” and I knew how to handle things that weren’t good enough for the kids to watch. Well, I was wrong! If it is not “good enough” for the kids, it is off limits to me as well. Again, Psalm 100 says “I will set NO WICKED THING before my eyes.” And Ephesians 5:12 says “It is shameful to speak of those things which are done by them in secret.” So let’s be honest with ourselves and let’s refuse to let the culture dictate what thoughts control our minds! Filth, wickedness, unfaithfulness, adultery, immorality, argumentative spirits, disobedience of children, role reversals, etc. are all things that are off limits to Christians! Let’s think about things that are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, and good. (Philippians 4:8) This is the Biblical method for renewing your mind and thinking with true discretion!
There will be more later on renewing your mind, but for now, take one bite sized piece and work on it this week. Set one goal related to learning to be more discreet and let God give you strength and help to make one step in the right direction.
As we work our way through Titus 2, we have come to the third quality to be taught by the older women and that is to teach the young women to be discreet. A related word that we use more often would be the word “discretion”. I have looked up the word “discreet” in Websters Dictionary and it says “to be careful about what one says or does”. And since what is in our thoughts usually comes out our mouths, I would add to that to be careful what we think about. There are areas where I think we can all use some reminders as we walk through our lives.
I think one of the first things that would come to our minds would be in the area of gossip. Maybe we are all thinking that we are O.K. in this area as we don’t gossip maliciously. However, gossip is one of those things that can creep in and be very subtle and we are suddenly over the line. First of all, I don’t think that men are told to be “discreet”. I think that is significant as that tells me that God is implying that this is a problem that is more natural to ladies. I have been there, so I know the pitfalls that exist and I still watch my tongue at all times in order to keep ahead of this particular pitfall!
As ladies, we have our ways of gossiping that seem very “spiritual”. One of those ways is in the area of prayer. We can sometimes update everyone on the latest news by giving it in the form of a “prayer request”. Now there is nothing wrong with praying for a personal problem of one of our friends, but I kind of use the measuring stick of, “Would I be praying for this thing if I were all alone or is it more on my mind because I have an audience with whom to share it?”
I also sometimes share things with my husband under the guise of “I just need to tell someone!” Well, if it isn’t an uplifting piece of news and if it is not something that he needs to know, then I really don’t need to burden him down with it until or unless it comes to the time when he needs to know it. Of course, I never make a promise to hear something and NOT share it with my husband. You always need to be careful of something that is told to you if you are asked to promise not to tell your husband!
So far I have mentioned a couple of areas where we need to practice discretion in our conversation. There are also ways of being indiscreet in our actions.
Ladies, we live in a culture where we are encouraged to be like men! We can take their jobs, we can wear their clothes, we can talk their language and we can shout our views. Let’s remember that “gentle and quiet spirit which is very precious in the sight of God.” (I Peter 3:4) (I will probably take that verse up in more detail at some point.) Much of this kind of thinking comes from the media that we all take into our minds. Let’s be careful of what we allow into our minds. There is VERY little on television that is of any value to us and it definitely affects our thinking and we need to be very careful of how much mindless and Godless information we allow into our minds. We are told to “renew our minds” (Romans 12:2) (That topic will come into full discussion at some point as well.) But suffice it to say that you cannot renew your mind by taking in the information that is funneled into your home without using great discretion. I know! I used to think that if I watched something on television while my kids were napping, it was probably all right as “I was mature” and I knew how to handle things that weren’t good enough for the kids to watch. Well, I was wrong! If it is not “good enough” for the kids, it is off limits to me as well. Again, Psalm 100 says “I will set NO WICKED THING before my eyes.” And Ephesians 5:12 says “It is shameful to speak of those things which are done by them in secret.” So let’s be honest with ourselves and let’s refuse to let the culture dictate what thoughts control our minds! Filth, wickedness, unfaithfulness, adultery, immorality, argumentative spirits, disobedience of children, role reversals, etc. are all things that are off limits to Christians! Let’s think about things that are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, and good. (Philippians 4:8) This is the Biblical method for renewing your mind and thinking with true discretion!
There will be more later on renewing your mind, but for now, take one bite sized piece and work on it this week. Set one goal related to learning to be more discreet and let God give you strength and help to make one step in the right direction.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Our Family -- Memorial Day Traditions
I have been VERY busy for a few weeks, so I am sorry for the delay in postings a couple of times recently. We have been busy trying to get the spring work done. We are also trying to paint our living room and patch up some of the drywall mistakes that we made 35 years ago when we built our home! Anyway, it takes a lot of time and so I haven’t been able to keep posting as regularly as I would like.
I decided that with the Memorial Day holiday this weekend, I would focus on some things related to that. First of all, having grown up in a home of teachers and having been a teacher for a few years and having been married to a teacher for almost 38 years, Memorial Day has always held a special place in our hearts. Aside from the patriotic significance, Memorial Day always marked the “almost end” of the school year and it meant that soon we would all be “free”!!! So we always approached Memorial Day with much joy and anticipation of summer and the outings that would take place along with a trip that was always in the offing!
I will first touch on the patriotic significance and mention that though our country is having a multitude of issues now, we still live in the greatest country on earth and for that we should be VERY thankful!!! Having grown up in a home with a dad who fought in WW II (he was in the Pacific – Iwo Jima and Guam), I am very grateful for the men and women who gave their lives for our freedom! May we never forget the sacrifice of those patriots!
So the first tradition we had in our home when our children were growing up (and we still do it today with our grandchildren!) was to be sure we were up and ready to attend the parade that we always had in our small town. The parade was nothing to write home about, but the Vets always proudly carry the American flag and we wave our flags and clap for their bravery that still gives us chills in our spines even today! Then we walk the ¾ mile up to the cemetery where we stand and listen to the local high school band play the “Star Spangled Banner” and we hear a speaker share of the blessings of living in America before “Taps” is played along with a “21 Gun Salute”! It is all VERY moving and gives goose bumps to those of us who are still sensitive and thankful enough for the many ways that God has blessed our great country! Then the kids get to climb on the official cannon and the stack of 100 shells that was placed overlooking the “soldiers plot” in the cemetery in 1897.
The rest of the traditions that I will be talking about are more related to the fun part of just being together for the holiday and the food that accompanies our picnics on that day. One of the things we usually did that was not the favorite activity of the day for the kids, was planting the garden! We always had to kind of “bribe” the kids with the other fun activities of the day in order to get them to do the work with a happy face! Living here in Michigan necessitates our planting the annual plants on Memorial Day weekend or later in order to avoid losing them to late spring frosts.
After planting the gardens (flower and vegetable) there was always a fun picnic – usually in our own back yard to avoid the crowds that would surely be at Lake Michigan where we loved to go for many of our outings. There were usually some grandparents at our picnics, and if we were especially blessed, there might be some cousins, but there were always favorite foods that we could count on as part of our Memorial Day traditions! I am going to include some of our favorite recipes so that you can share them with us and get a “flavor” of what we enjoyed on Memorial Day!
I want to include three simple recipes that we often use on Memorial Day for our gatherings. One is for shish-ka-bobs, one for fruit pizza and one for refreshing summer punch.
I decided that with the Memorial Day holiday this weekend, I would focus on some things related to that. First of all, having grown up in a home of teachers and having been a teacher for a few years and having been married to a teacher for almost 38 years, Memorial Day has always held a special place in our hearts. Aside from the patriotic significance, Memorial Day always marked the “almost end” of the school year and it meant that soon we would all be “free”!!! So we always approached Memorial Day with much joy and anticipation of summer and the outings that would take place along with a trip that was always in the offing!
I will first touch on the patriotic significance and mention that though our country is having a multitude of issues now, we still live in the greatest country on earth and for that we should be VERY thankful!!! Having grown up in a home with a dad who fought in WW II (he was in the Pacific – Iwo Jima and Guam), I am very grateful for the men and women who gave their lives for our freedom! May we never forget the sacrifice of those patriots!
So the first tradition we had in our home when our children were growing up (and we still do it today with our grandchildren!) was to be sure we were up and ready to attend the parade that we always had in our small town. The parade was nothing to write home about, but the Vets always proudly carry the American flag and we wave our flags and clap for their bravery that still gives us chills in our spines even today! Then we walk the ¾ mile up to the cemetery where we stand and listen to the local high school band play the “Star Spangled Banner” and we hear a speaker share of the blessings of living in America before “Taps” is played along with a “21 Gun Salute”! It is all VERY moving and gives goose bumps to those of us who are still sensitive and thankful enough for the many ways that God has blessed our great country! Then the kids get to climb on the official cannon and the stack of 100 shells that was placed overlooking the “soldiers plot” in the cemetery in 1897.
The rest of the traditions that I will be talking about are more related to the fun part of just being together for the holiday and the food that accompanies our picnics on that day. One of the things we usually did that was not the favorite activity of the day for the kids, was planting the garden! We always had to kind of “bribe” the kids with the other fun activities of the day in order to get them to do the work with a happy face! Living here in Michigan necessitates our planting the annual plants on Memorial Day weekend or later in order to avoid losing them to late spring frosts.
After planting the gardens (flower and vegetable) there was always a fun picnic – usually in our own back yard to avoid the crowds that would surely be at Lake Michigan where we loved to go for many of our outings. There were usually some grandparents at our picnics, and if we were especially blessed, there might be some cousins, but there were always favorite foods that we could count on as part of our Memorial Day traditions! I am going to include some of our favorite recipes so that you can share them with us and get a “flavor” of what we enjoyed on Memorial Day!
I want to include three simple recipes that we often use on Memorial Day for our gatherings. One is for shish-ka-bobs, one for fruit pizza and one for refreshing summer punch.
SHISH-ka-BOBS
- Meat enough for your family – I use chicken, beef and hotdogs
Cut into pieces about one inch square - Vegetables enough for your family – I use green peppers, green onions and mushrooms
- Your favorite marinade – I make my own
- Cut everything and place in a large bowl with a cover. Pour marinade over the meat and let sit all together for at least 24 hours –the longer, the better
- On Memorial Day, place items on skewers and grill over your grill! (Sometimes the veggies cook more quickly than the meat, so it may be helpful to use separate skewers for the meat and the veggies.
FRUIT PIZZA
Make your favorite chocolate chip cookie dough. Flatten it out into 2 large circles on 2 large cookie sheets. Bake at 350 for 12 – 15 minutes. Cool.
Make topping using one pkg cream cheese, 8 oz. Cool whip and ½ cup powdered sugar. Spread over cooled cookie crust. Top with your favorite fruits, cleaned and cut. Cut into wedges and serve.
SUMMER PUNCH
Place one 12 oz. can of frozen orange juice in a large pitcher.
Use two mint tea bags to make about two cups of very strong mint tea.
Mix the above together and pour about two inches in a large glass. Fill glass to the top with Ginger Ale and ice and enjoy.
As I close this post, just let me say that kids LOVE tradition! Be sure you have lots of traditions that your children can carry with them! They love to talk to others and share the things they do “at their house”! Let your traditions be related to holidays or just to life, but have them!!!!
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Loving Your Children - Part VI
Discipline Your Children (continued)
In the last entry, I talked about reaching your child’s heart in your discipline. It is very important in all of your child rearing days that your goal is to reach your child’s heart. Discipline and training that is expressly for the purpose of changing behavior without reaching the heart is pretty ineffective in the big picture of discipline.
One point that I wanted to add to last week’s discussion, is to dispel the idea that is pervasive in today’s culture and that is the whole idea of “time outs” or what we used to call “grounding”, especially for young children. Now I don’t have any Bible verses that say that this type of discipline is not effective, but from my own personal experience and from seeing what happens in homes where this type of discipline is regularly practiced, I want to say that in general this type of discipline is pretty ineffective. First of all, though Scripture doesn’t say not to use the other, it does definitely come down in favor of physical discipline. Proverbs 13:24 says. “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him (his son) chasteneth him betimes (promptly NKJV).” This verse pretty much rules out long stretched out forms of discipline. Punishment needs to be swift and the relationship needs to be reinstated. When discipline is administered properly, there is a sense of a broken relationship that the child needs to have repaired as soon as possible. If there is a prolonged form of punishment, then it is that much longer before the relationship can be fully restored. One other principle has to do with the idea that as parents we get tired and we can get distracted in our goal and we can easily back off on following through with a long drawn out punishment. This sends the wrong signal to the children. It is usually better with young children to discipline with something that gets over soon and allows the relationship to resume normally.
Discipline, of course, involves more than physical punishment. Discipline involves teaching and training as well. You need to spend time building Godly habits into the lives of your children as well as punishing them when they do wrong. This refers back to something I said earlier and that is that child rearing takes time! It isn’t something that can be done in between all of the other activities of life. It needs to BE your life for as long as it takes. Your children are among the people that you would like to take to Heaven with you and that makes it worth the time! Mothering is a job, but it is more than a job, it is a way of life. It is never over and there are no vacations. But the rewards are better than time off and vacations!
One more issue that I would like to touch on before we leave this topic is to look out for the tricks (“foolishness”) that is “bound up in the heart of your child”. One of the initial lessons that must be learned by a child is the lesson of who is the boss. I want to keep this short, so I will just tell you that when you tell your child to do something, he needs to do it. He needs to do it now and he needs to do it the way you told him to do it! It is great fun for a child to determine how much of your command he needs to follow. There should be very RARE instances when things are open for negotiation. For instance, if you tell him to sit beside you on a chair, he shouldn’t be allowed to sit beside his friend on another chair without your permission. If you desire that he just sit down and you don’t care where, then don’t tell him to sit beside you. If you desire that he sit beside you and you tell him that, then he needs to be obedient and do just as you said. Children are very good at changing the instruction to fit their desires and to show a little bit of control. Don’t be fooled by that. Biblically, parents have control until it is gradually handed over to the child as he shows himself to be mature enough to handle it. Make sure that your children know that you are in charge and that you will give them authority for their own decisions as you see fit.
Well, I think I have covered the topics on loving your children as thoroughly as I plan to at this time. There are many more topics that could be covered, but I think that next time I will move on to something else. I trust these thoughts have been helpful and encouraging to you as you seek to raise Godly children for Him!
Thursday, May 3, 2007
Loving Your Child -- Part V
Discipline Your Child
Many of these topics that I am covering are topics that could fill many books, but I am trying to give the highlights in a very short form! This topic for today is one of those!
When we mention discipline, we all have differing ideas of what exactly that means. There isn’t a lot of Scripture that speaks directly to this issue, but there are many principles derived from Scripture that are very helpful.
One of the main principles that I have come to kind of understand over my years of raising children, is the principle of reaching the heart of the child. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 4:23 “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” Proverbs 2:10&11b tells us “When wisdom enters your heart, and knowledge is pleasant to your soul, discretion will preserve you…” We also know that “the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked…”, Jeremiah 17:9. So you see, the issue is the heart! We must find out how to reach the hearts of our children!
By shear difference in size and bulk, it is somewhat easy for a parent to force a young child to conform to his desires as parent. But what happens when that is the goal, to make kids do what we want them to do by simple force, there will come a time that all of your human efforts will fail and you will be left frustrated and bewildered.
The goal should be to reach into the child’s heart with teaching and patient understanding and firm discipline and seek God’s Holy Spirit to make changes in the heart that will transform the child for his lifetime. Outward changes that take place in behavior are very fleeting, but the inward changes of the heart brought about by the Holy Spirit will open that heart to God’s leading and influence in the life of that child. This is one of many reasons why secular counseling and rehab programs don’t work. They are focusing on changing life patterns from the outside and they are not working on changing the heart.
So, how do we change the heart of a child? The truth is that we can’t do that. We can only be the instruments God uses to accomplish that. So we need to look into God’s Word and find many verses that give us guidelines for that task and also the hope that it can indeed be done!
The first principle, and the only one that I will discuss today, is found in Proverbs 22:15. “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” To some this may seem like an unloving thing to do. However the Scripture says just the opposite. "He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly," Proverbs 13:25.
When we mention discipline, we all have differing ideas of what exactly that means. There isn’t a lot of Scripture that speaks directly to this issue, but there are many principles derived from Scripture that are very helpful.
One of the main principles that I have come to kind of understand over my years of raising children, is the principle of reaching the heart of the child. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 4:23 “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” Proverbs 2:10&11b tells us “When wisdom enters your heart, and knowledge is pleasant to your soul, discretion will preserve you…” We also know that “the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked…”, Jeremiah 17:9. So you see, the issue is the heart! We must find out how to reach the hearts of our children!
By shear difference in size and bulk, it is somewhat easy for a parent to force a young child to conform to his desires as parent. But what happens when that is the goal, to make kids do what we want them to do by simple force, there will come a time that all of your human efforts will fail and you will be left frustrated and bewildered.
The goal should be to reach into the child’s heart with teaching and patient understanding and firm discipline and seek God’s Holy Spirit to make changes in the heart that will transform the child for his lifetime. Outward changes that take place in behavior are very fleeting, but the inward changes of the heart brought about by the Holy Spirit will open that heart to God’s leading and influence in the life of that child. This is one of many reasons why secular counseling and rehab programs don’t work. They are focusing on changing life patterns from the outside and they are not working on changing the heart.
So, how do we change the heart of a child? The truth is that we can’t do that. We can only be the instruments God uses to accomplish that. So we need to look into God’s Word and find many verses that give us guidelines for that task and also the hope that it can indeed be done!
The first principle, and the only one that I will discuss today, is found in Proverbs 22:15. “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” To some this may seem like an unloving thing to do. However the Scripture says just the opposite. "He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly," Proverbs 13:25.
As we are all quite aware, spanking a child is not acceptable today and indeed could, if done at the wrong place at the wrong time, cause a person to spend some time in jail. However, as I have mentioned in the past, we are not under the laws of man and are ultimately accountable to God. We find the guidelines for our lives in God’s Word and if God tells us to spank our children, there must be good reason for that! Spanking needs to be done wisely and carefully and not indiscriminately. And since our culture is very down on spanking, there is no need to test the system and try spanking in the store! Keep up good communication with your children and let them know ahead of time that if they misbehave at the store, they WILL receive their punishment when they get home and then FOLLOW THROUGH! Children are usually three or four before they will purposely test your authority in the store, so by then they can understand the word “spank” and that should be a deterrent if you have used this method of discipline at home. In this area of spanking, consistency and follow-through are the foundational necessities! If you are not consistent and there is no follow-through, obedience will be very sporadic at best! And one more thing: make the spanking hurt! (This does NOT mean physical damage.) If they come out of the spanking and there are no tears, you probably didn’t accomplish much. And as you begin to reach their hearts effectively, there will be tears of remorse over the broken relationship even if the spanking didn’t hurt all that much.
Next time I will continue this discussion, but this gives you something to think about and a place to start. May God bless your family and may you raise Godly and obedient children for Him!!!
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Loving Your Children -- Part IV
Giving Your Time
Time is something that we can give to our children that doesn’t cost anything in the way of this world’s goods. And yet, it is so very misunderstood. Again, there is no verse in the Bible that commands us to give our time to our children, but the implications are that time is a very important thing we can give to them. I believe the best Scripture that makes this clear is Deuteronomy 6:5-9.
Verse 5 tells us that we must love the Lord with our whole heart, soul and strength. And then in verse 7 we are commanded to teach “these things” to our children diligently! We are to talk about them when we are in our homes, when we are out walking, when we go to bed and when we get up in the morning. This sounds like a lot of time to me! This means that we must be WITH our children in order to accomplish this task.
I do not claim to know all that is included in “these things”, but I believe that one of the things we are to talk about is God’s faithfulness in our lives and in the lives of our family – not just our present family, but to our ancestors and those in our extended family. In that same chapter, verses 20-25, we are told that if “your son” asks you about the meaning of the things he sees and hears they should be telling him of all that the Lord did for them (the Israelites) in delivering them from the Egyptians. And I think it is even wise and helpful for us to put things up around our homes (pictures, mementos, etc.) that will cause them to ask questions and give us opportunities to share things about their heritage. Praise the Lord if they have a Godly heritage, but if they don’t there is something else that you can do! That would be to have a prayer journal and keep track of your prayers and answers so that you can show them to your children frequently so that they can see God’s work in that area of your life and so they can know that you are busy establishing a Godly heritage to pass on to them and their children. The important thing is to let your children see that God is alive and active in our lives and that He works through His people and that He has a plan for them that He is bringing about through prayer and through their family heritage.
There is a lot that could be included here in this topic about time, but I just want to cover one more item at this time and that is in the area of something we all hear in the culture. If I could, I would ask how many of you have heard the idea that it is “not the quantity of the time, but the quality that matters”? I want to go on record right now that that statement is a lie and meant to deceive loving mothers who really desire to do the right thing, but also have other things that they desire to do with their time. That statement can make us feel very good about planning our time so that we fit in a fun time at the amusement park on Saturday or on a weekend trip when we are out the rest of the week doing things we enjoy or making money so that “our kids can have everything that they need to be accepted in this world”. There is no way that we can be obedient to the mandates in Deuteronomy 6 if we are out and about most of the week except for the time we are out having some “quality time” with our kids on the weekend. I am here to tell you that small children and even some older ones may not be able to put it into words, but they would much rather have your time and attention on a daily basis just being there and providing their needs, than to have all the “stuff” or the big “thrills” that the world can provide.
So, Moms, I pray that you will take these admonitions as coming from my heart to yours. If you can apply some of these Biblical principles, your life and the lives of your children will benefit greatly through living life at the pace that God, the Creator intended was best for us! Take a walk with your kids. Plan a picnic with them and look at all the flowers that are out this time of year. Let them “help” you bake some cookies. Just enjoy them and when the time comes that they leave your home, you will not have regrets and you will not be bemoaning the fact that the time was way too short because you were way too busy or way too otherwise occupied. You only have one opportunity to raise your children. Make it count for the Lord!!!
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Let's Take a Break and Make Muffins
I thought it would be good and fun to take a break from the very serious things we have all been dealing with this week and just have lunch! If you were to come to my home for lunch, chances are VERY high that I would serve you muffins of some kind as part of that lunch! I love muffins and so I thought I would share a couple of recipes with you today just for fun!
Old Fashioned Blueberry Muffins
(no mixer needed)
½ cup milk
¼ cup salad oil
1 egg
½ cup sugar
1 ½ cups flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon salt
1 – 1 ½ cups blueberries (fresh or frozen)
Stir milk, oil and egg together. Add dry ingredients and stir until just moistened. Gently stir in blueberries. ( frozen blueberries may make the batter turn somewhat blue, but the flavor is not damaged!) Fill 12 muffins cups that have been greased. Bake at 400 degrees for 20 – 25 minutes.
Chocolate Chip Muffins
(Makes 10 large muffins or 22 regular muffins)
1 stick butter or margarine
½ cup white sugar
½ cup brown sugar
1 ½ teaspoons vanilla
Cream the above.
3 eggs – add to above mixture
2 cups flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 cup sour cream
Mix dry ingredients and add alternately with the sour cream.
1 cup mini chocolate chips
Stir into above batter and mix well. Spoon batter into greased muffin cups and set aside.
TOPPING for muffins:
½ cup brown sugar
2 Tablespoons butter or margarine
2 Tablespoons flour
Mix with a fork until mixture resembles coarse meal.
1/3 cup mini chocolate chips
Add to above mixture and sprinkle over muffins. Bake at 350 degrees for about 15 to 25 minutes (depends on size of muffins). Check often after 15 min.
Old Fashioned Blueberry Muffins
(no mixer needed)
½ cup milk
¼ cup salad oil
1 egg
½ cup sugar
1 ½ cups flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon salt
1 – 1 ½ cups blueberries (fresh or frozen)
Stir milk, oil and egg together. Add dry ingredients and stir until just moistened. Gently stir in blueberries. ( frozen blueberries may make the batter turn somewhat blue, but the flavor is not damaged!) Fill 12 muffins cups that have been greased. Bake at 400 degrees for 20 – 25 minutes.
Chocolate Chip Muffins
(Makes 10 large muffins or 22 regular muffins)
1 stick butter or margarine
½ cup white sugar
½ cup brown sugar
1 ½ teaspoons vanilla
Cream the above.
3 eggs – add to above mixture
2 cups flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 cup sour cream
Mix dry ingredients and add alternately with the sour cream.
1 cup mini chocolate chips
Stir into above batter and mix well. Spoon batter into greased muffin cups and set aside.
TOPPING for muffins:
½ cup brown sugar
2 Tablespoons butter or margarine
2 Tablespoons flour
Mix with a fork until mixture resembles coarse meal.
1/3 cup mini chocolate chips
Add to above mixture and sprinkle over muffins. Bake at 350 degrees for about 15 to 25 minutes (depends on size of muffins). Check often after 15 min.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Loving Your Children -- Part III
Shielding Them
I am writing today on a topic that probably wouldn’t have come up this soon had it not been for the events that occurred on Monday, April, 16, 2007. It is hard to overlook this grave event and go on to any other topic. No, I am not going to write about the terribleness of what happened, but I am going to give my thoughts on how we as mothers and grandmothers can shield our children and grandchildren from the culture in which we live. Just as Jesus longed to gather the children in Jerusalem together “as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings” (Matthew 6:37), we need to gather our children and protect them from the wickedness of our culture!
I am sure that some of you are wondering how I am going to suggest that you shield your children from these things. Well, let me assure you that I am well aware that we cannot lock our kids or ourselves up in a room and throw away the key! I am suggesting, however, that we can do things that will give them the tools to be able to respond to events of this nature that WILL occur during their lifetimes. And if my predictions are correct, as I look back over the 59 years that I have been in this world, it appears to me that these events will occur with more and more frequency as we move along through this century!
First of all, don’t let your children have free reign over the television or computer! They don’t need to see any of the coverage of such events! (As far as that goes, we moms and grandmas don’t need to see all that much of the coverage either. Does it encourage or edify us to see all the details that the media thrusts upon us without warning? Does it cause us to think about things that are pure and honorable and lovely? Philippians 4:8) At this point, you might react with a comment about living in “the real world” and how children need to know what goes on in their world. I will respond with a question: Who determines what the real world is for your children? God’s Word says that “God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7) So if your children have fear, it is not from God. And to let them see any of the coverage of this type of event on the television (or to let them watch programming of any kind that instills fear) cannot be of God! So remember, when your friends or others say something about how maimed your children are going to be socially if they don’t know what is going on in the “real world”, let them know that the “real world” for your children is the one that God has helped you establish in your home through the guidance of His Word. And how do I know so much about this argument? It was used many times on our family as we raised our children and protected them from so many of the pitfalls that were prevalent during the ‘80’s and the ‘90’s.
I guess I won’t get to a second point today as I don’t want anyone to fall asleep reading when I know that many of you must work hard to carve out precious time to check on what is new on the computer. I will try to get back to this topic soon. Have a great week and don’t forget to pray for your children.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Loving Your Children - Part 2
Titus 2:3&4 “That the older women likewise…teach the young women to…love their children.”
“Pray without ceasing!” I Thessalonians 5:17. What does it mean to pray without ceasing? I wondered about that for many years, until I had children! There is something about raising children that taught me a lot about that verse!
God commands us to pray for all kinds of things, but until we have something for which we carry a great burden, praying is kind of perfunctory and usually done out of obligation or habit. I have thought for a long time that if having children doesn’t drive a Christian mother to pray, then we need to check to see if she is alive! Where does the burden come from? Well, as you look at the world around you and see what it is that your children will face as they grow up, it should strike you that without God’s personal intervention in their lives, there is little hope of maintaining a godly walk with the Lord. If we truly desire God to intervene and save their souls and give them strength to “stand” (Eph. 6:13), then we must spend much time on our knees.
There are many examples of godly mothers who spent time praying and saw God do great work in and through their children. God reminds us in James 5:17 that “The effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” Who would we want to benefit from our prayers more than our children?
I think it is important that your children know that you are praying for them. I think if they realize the importance that you place on prayer for them, that in itself will have a great effect on them. AND let them know when you receive answers to your prayers. Children need to know that God answers prayer and what better way than to let them know what you are praying and when you receive the answers?
When you pray together, let them hear you pray for them. Hopefully, praying together is an important part of each day in your home. If you have a husband who isn’t interested in this aspect of life, then take it upon yourself to do it. Remember the example of Timothy in the Bible who was won and grew up with the prayers of his mother and grandmother. (By the way, Grandmas, the kids need to know that you are praying for them as well.)
Start each day with an emphasis on prayer. We used to pray as we walked out the door on our way to take them to school. If there is any place where they need to be covered by your prayers, it is at school – no matter the kind! This season in their lives REALLY spurred me on to pray! We had had the kids in home school and Christian School, but when we put them into public high school, that is when my burden to pray for them really peaked! I with a friend even started a Moms in Touch group to help get mothers together for prayer that God would protect the hearts of our children as well as that we might have opportunities to reach the hearts of their teachers! It was a wonderful blessing and we had opportunities at the school that we would have never otherwise had! Some teachers even came to us a few times to give us prayer requests!
This just touches the surface, but the important thing is that you need to pray for your children, Moms! And it never stops! There will never be a time when you can think that your job in that area is finished! NEVER underestimate what God will do in honor of the prayers of a godly mother!
Just to update my last entry – our grandson came through surgery well, Praise the Lord. We had a good little trip over spring break and enjoyed the time with our son as his son went through this little medical event. There is nothing so rewarding than to see one of your children adopting your same priority on prayer or any other spiritual priority.
REMEMBER: “Be not weary in well-doing, for in due season you WILL reap if you faint not!” Galatians 6:9
“Pray without ceasing!” I Thessalonians 5:17. What does it mean to pray without ceasing? I wondered about that for many years, until I had children! There is something about raising children that taught me a lot about that verse!
God commands us to pray for all kinds of things, but until we have something for which we carry a great burden, praying is kind of perfunctory and usually done out of obligation or habit. I have thought for a long time that if having children doesn’t drive a Christian mother to pray, then we need to check to see if she is alive! Where does the burden come from? Well, as you look at the world around you and see what it is that your children will face as they grow up, it should strike you that without God’s personal intervention in their lives, there is little hope of maintaining a godly walk with the Lord. If we truly desire God to intervene and save their souls and give them strength to “stand” (Eph. 6:13), then we must spend much time on our knees.
There are many examples of godly mothers who spent time praying and saw God do great work in and through their children. God reminds us in James 5:17 that “The effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” Who would we want to benefit from our prayers more than our children?
I think it is important that your children know that you are praying for them. I think if they realize the importance that you place on prayer for them, that in itself will have a great effect on them. AND let them know when you receive answers to your prayers. Children need to know that God answers prayer and what better way than to let them know what you are praying and when you receive the answers?
When you pray together, let them hear you pray for them. Hopefully, praying together is an important part of each day in your home. If you have a husband who isn’t interested in this aspect of life, then take it upon yourself to do it. Remember the example of Timothy in the Bible who was won and grew up with the prayers of his mother and grandmother. (By the way, Grandmas, the kids need to know that you are praying for them as well.)
Start each day with an emphasis on prayer. We used to pray as we walked out the door on our way to take them to school. If there is any place where they need to be covered by your prayers, it is at school – no matter the kind! This season in their lives REALLY spurred me on to pray! We had had the kids in home school and Christian School, but when we put them into public high school, that is when my burden to pray for them really peaked! I with a friend even started a Moms in Touch group to help get mothers together for prayer that God would protect the hearts of our children as well as that we might have opportunities to reach the hearts of their teachers! It was a wonderful blessing and we had opportunities at the school that we would have never otherwise had! Some teachers even came to us a few times to give us prayer requests!
This just touches the surface, but the important thing is that you need to pray for your children, Moms! And it never stops! There will never be a time when you can think that your job in that area is finished! NEVER underestimate what God will do in honor of the prayers of a godly mother!
Just to update my last entry – our grandson came through surgery well, Praise the Lord. We had a good little trip over spring break and enjoyed the time with our son as his son went through this little medical event. There is nothing so rewarding than to see one of your children adopting your same priority on prayer or any other spiritual priority.
REMEMBER: “Be not weary in well-doing, for in due season you WILL reap if you faint not!” Galatians 6:9
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Loving Your Children - Part 1
Titus 2: 3&4 “That the older women likewise…teach the young women to love their husbands and to love their children.”
We talked in the last series about loving your husbands and I trust there were some practical ideas for you to practice in learning how to accomplish that. The next topic in Titus 2 relates to loving your children.
I want to point out something that kind of builds a bridge between these two admonitions and that is that loving our husbands comes first. I have been there, so I know that it is very easy, when that first little one comes into your home, to focus in on him/her and let your husband be more on his own! He, after all, is a “big man” and that little baby needs us so much! It is very easy to give all of our time to the baby and kind of let our relationship with our husbands go “on the back burner” to be picked up again after the last child leaves the home. I know all about this and I wish someone had cautioned me during those early years of motherhood as I found it very natural to give most of myself to those helpless babies and assume my husband would do well on his own. Oh, I did the necessary chores of making the meals and keeping the house relatively clean and keeping his clothes washed, but I was giving so much time and emotion to those babies that I know now that I wasn’t totally being there for my husband.
You may wonder how to balance everything during those years, and it is difficult. I think it is true that the wife (mother) sets the tone in the home and so it requires a lot of planning and dedication to keep everything in perspective. But I think that is why God gave women such an array of emotions – we have an ability to love many people at the same time and balance things that might overwhelm our husbands. And we need to remember the truth that God equips us for everything HE asks us to do. (Philippians 2:13) If we find we can’t do everything we are trying to do, then we are trying to do something that isn’t a priority to God!
First of all, it is very important that you set goals (short term and long term) for yourself and your family. Of course, you and your husband should be setting these goals together so that you are both working toward the same ends. (If you don’t have time to do that just now with your husband, think of the Biblical goals set in the Scripture and work toward those.) Next, prioritize your time. Make a list of the things that you need to do in a given day. Look over your list and cross off anything that isn’t necessary to meet your Biblical goals. Be sure to leave time for yourself to do something meaningful or helpful to your own personal growth in making you the wife and mother God wants you to be. Be sure you are getting a good amount of rest. You will function better and be more efficient if you are rested. If you are getting up in the night with children, then sleep when they do during the day. Make sure your children are at least resting an hour each afternoon – this is important for them, but it is also important for you as you need to have something left to give when your husband comes home. There are other things you can do, but this is a start.
The best thing you can do with any of the thoughts that are shared here is to take one bite-sized piece and try it tomorrow. (If I were you, I would start with the one-hour rest time for the kids!) Practice that and then add another bite-sized piece. If you always say, “I will try that some day”, you will continue on in frustration and miss some of the blessings that God has planned for you.
Well, this kind of bridges the gap between loving your husband and loving your children. These are not meant to be theological lessons, they are just thoughts from my heart that I hope will help you in a very practical way to avoid some of the pitfalls that will come your way if you follow the patterns of the culture.
I will be away from the computer for a week or so, but next time I will share my heart on how to accomplish the very important responsibility of loving your children by praying for them. Our grandson, Iain, born January 28, 2007, will be having hernia surgery on April 5. We would appreciate the prayers of anyone who would think about him on that day. As God has planned it, we were going to be in Dayton on that day anyway, so we will be able to be there with his parents to make their day a bit easier, we hope. Have a good week.
We talked in the last series about loving your husbands and I trust there were some practical ideas for you to practice in learning how to accomplish that. The next topic in Titus 2 relates to loving your children.
I want to point out something that kind of builds a bridge between these two admonitions and that is that loving our husbands comes first. I have been there, so I know that it is very easy, when that first little one comes into your home, to focus in on him/her and let your husband be more on his own! He, after all, is a “big man” and that little baby needs us so much! It is very easy to give all of our time to the baby and kind of let our relationship with our husbands go “on the back burner” to be picked up again after the last child leaves the home. I know all about this and I wish someone had cautioned me during those early years of motherhood as I found it very natural to give most of myself to those helpless babies and assume my husband would do well on his own. Oh, I did the necessary chores of making the meals and keeping the house relatively clean and keeping his clothes washed, but I was giving so much time and emotion to those babies that I know now that I wasn’t totally being there for my husband.
You may wonder how to balance everything during those years, and it is difficult. I think it is true that the wife (mother) sets the tone in the home and so it requires a lot of planning and dedication to keep everything in perspective. But I think that is why God gave women such an array of emotions – we have an ability to love many people at the same time and balance things that might overwhelm our husbands. And we need to remember the truth that God equips us for everything HE asks us to do. (Philippians 2:13) If we find we can’t do everything we are trying to do, then we are trying to do something that isn’t a priority to God!
First of all, it is very important that you set goals (short term and long term) for yourself and your family. Of course, you and your husband should be setting these goals together so that you are both working toward the same ends. (If you don’t have time to do that just now with your husband, think of the Biblical goals set in the Scripture and work toward those.) Next, prioritize your time. Make a list of the things that you need to do in a given day. Look over your list and cross off anything that isn’t necessary to meet your Biblical goals. Be sure to leave time for yourself to do something meaningful or helpful to your own personal growth in making you the wife and mother God wants you to be. Be sure you are getting a good amount of rest. You will function better and be more efficient if you are rested. If you are getting up in the night with children, then sleep when they do during the day. Make sure your children are at least resting an hour each afternoon – this is important for them, but it is also important for you as you need to have something left to give when your husband comes home. There are other things you can do, but this is a start.
The best thing you can do with any of the thoughts that are shared here is to take one bite-sized piece and try it tomorrow. (If I were you, I would start with the one-hour rest time for the kids!) Practice that and then add another bite-sized piece. If you always say, “I will try that some day”, you will continue on in frustration and miss some of the blessings that God has planned for you.
Well, this kind of bridges the gap between loving your husband and loving your children. These are not meant to be theological lessons, they are just thoughts from my heart that I hope will help you in a very practical way to avoid some of the pitfalls that will come your way if you follow the patterns of the culture.
I will be away from the computer for a week or so, but next time I will share my heart on how to accomplish the very important responsibility of loving your children by praying for them. Our grandson, Iain, born January 28, 2007, will be having hernia surgery on April 5. We would appreciate the prayers of anyone who would think about him on that day. As God has planned it, we were going to be in Dayton on that day anyway, so we will be able to be there with his parents to make their day a bit easier, we hope. Have a good week.
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